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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to dislike people putting photos of my baby on Facebook?

53 replies

onceaking · 03/02/2014 09:03

I'm not on Facebook because I don't really like it and have no use for it, but I know it's a big thing for some people. My DH has an account and a few times after we've seen friends or family he has shown me a photo someone has taken of our baby (sometimes I'm in the photo too) and put on their Facebook page. This always makes me uncomfortable and a bit cross. People never ask if they can publish the photos. AIBU to think this is at best bad manners, at worst a damn cheek? I feel very protective of my baby's privacy. I accept it's the age of technology but it still feels wrong. AIBU?

OP posts:

Stripytop · 03/02/2014 09:53

So no onceaking YANBU at all.

Original poster

onceaking · 03/02/2014 10:21

I didn't even know some of the photos had been taken. At big family gatherings people take photos from across the room or when baby is on granny's knee - it's not something I can control or indeed would want to if auntie wants a picture holding her niece - but to me putting photos anywhere on the internet is another matter. Even if they can only be viewed by fb friends, I don't know who these 'friends' are, and in some cases neither does the poster. My niece has hundreds of 'friends' but probably only really knows thirty people max!

OP posts:

SlimJiminy · 03/02/2014 13:17

YANBU - your baby, your choice.

akachan · 03/02/2014 14:38

Ladyindisguise - "In any other circumstances, it would be unlawful to put the picture of someone on a public website such as facebook wo the consent of the person. Adult or child.
It's an issue with privacy (which means that a photographer is in NO WAY allowed to do that wo your agreement!)."

This is not correct in the UK. It is not unlawful to put a picture of someone on a public website or even a billboard. As long as you own the copyright which, if you took the photo and have not contracted it out, you do.

AdmiralData · 03/02/2014 14:42

Yanbu onceaking.
I don't put pictures of my son on FB and all of my family and friends are aware that they are strictly not to put photos of him on Facebook. If I ever see a photo of my son on FB it WILL be taken off >:}
I don't make status comments about my son either, he may only be 11 months but he is still entitled to privacy. That and all the 'Cuddling on the sofa with my gawjjjus children eating a kebab' updates bore me to tears.

akachan · 03/02/2014 14:44

Oh I should add I don't think you're being unreasonable to not like it but it's important to understand the law in this area. If you don't want someone to disseminate pictures of your baby you need to stop them taking pictures.

scantilymad · 03/02/2014 16:04

YANBU. Neither DH or I use Facebook and we have made it clear to all our family and friends that no pictures of our DS are to be put online. First of all I don't see why anyone who isn't family would be that interested anyway and secondly it is for DS to control his online presence as and when he is old enough to do so.

Spaulding · 03/02/2014 16:20

YANBU. They should ask for your permission first. And you should ask them to delete it if you're not happy about it.

I agree with scantilymad. DP and I both use Facebook but decided before DS was born we wouldn't be putting photos of him on Facebook. It doesn't matter if you only have a small friends list of just family and friends. Once they comment on or like your photo, it comes up on THEIR friends' newsfeed, so a bunch of strangers get to see your photos too.

If DS wants to have his photo online when he is old enough to have his own profile then fine, but why would I want photos of my 3yr old on the internet for anyone to see, comment on, save or turn into a "funny" meme?

The person I went to school with 10yrs ago doesn't need to see a photo of my child eating dinner. Our family and friends see him on a regular basis. If they take photos they use them to print off and put in a photo album the old school way. Not immediately upload it to Facebook.

Olivegirl · 03/02/2014 16:29

Privacy settings are set on FB so I can review them if I'm tagged in them ...but obviously they are still on FB somewhere ...if I'm not happy with the pics then I've reported to poster and asked them to take it down

Cariad007 · 03/02/2014 16:34

"It doesn't matter if you only have a small friends list of just family and friends. Once they comment on or like your photo, it comes up on THEIR friends' newsfeed, so a bunch of strangers get to see your photos too."

Actually no, it doesn't unless you have your privacy settings set to Public or Friends of Friends. If you have it set to Friends Only then only those on your friend list can see them and even if they make comments their friends cannot see.

Spaulding · 03/02/2014 18:00

Cariad, my mistake. I just double-checked on Facebook and you are correct.

There's this similar scenario, but that would involve the poster tagging someone else in the photo, then that person's friends see it too. So if someone wants their photos to be Friends Only, then just make sure no-one else is tagged in the photo.

"When you tag someone, that content (ex: photo, post) may be shared with the person tagged and their friends. This means that if you haven't already included their friends in the audience, their friends may now be able to see it. For example, if you tag Jane in a photo shared with your friends, the audience expands to Friends (+) to include your friends and Jane's."

ikeaismylocal · 03/02/2014 18:00

The person who took the photo owns the image. They can't use the image to advertise a product without permission but they can use the image as an editorial image or they can reproduce the image and sell copies of it or they can publish the image online or in newspapers/books.

I think yabu, your friends and family are not intending tooffend you or your child. If they don't add the child's full name it would be in no way traceable.

curiousgeorgie · 03/02/2014 18:05

I don't really see the problem with people putting pictures on Facebook... Presumably your children go out and about in the world and people lay eyes on them?

I tend to think its pretty much the same thing. It's not like they're putting your child's photo along with contact details and forwarding it to the local weirdo?! These are your friends and family!

Lj8893 · 03/02/2014 18:14

Yanbu.

I have Facebook and put lots of photos of my baby on there, however I know exactly who all my Facebook friends are and have all my privacy settings on.
If someone else put a photo of my baby up I would be annoyed if they hadnt asked me first!

BookFairy · 03/02/2014 18:27

It doesn't matter what your privacy settings are. When you join facebook you grant them "non-exclusive" rights to your material (photos etc). Facebook has the right to do as it wishes with your photos and can even sell them.

thedogwakesuptoodamnearly · 03/02/2014 19:07

I don't think that's right, akachan. If i take a photo for my work I have to get the person in it to sign a release form giving me permission to use the image.

scantilymad · 03/02/2014 21:44

Curious. Being outside isn't really the same as being on Facebook, where once an image is uploaded it is stored indefinitely and probably infinitely in some capacity. As a previous poster mentioned, FB automatically have non exclusive copyright of any material uploaded to the site.

Each to their own but I wouldn't be happy if a collection of images were taken of me without my consent and then ownership of those pictures was handed over to a website I wasn't even signed up to. As I said, our DS can control his own online presence when he chooses to do so. But I'm not going to take that choice from him.

Bardolino · 03/02/2014 22:12

Photography and social media are currently a very grey area. If you take a photo for your own personal, hard copy album, that's fine. However, publishing it (which includes posting it on Facebook) may breach the Data Protection Act.

Therefore, OP, YANBU, and you don't need to justify your reasoning.

Photographers, or those who want to be photographers, who aren't clear on their responsibilities under the Data Protection Act, need to do some research.

cookiefiend · 03/02/2014 22:26

Yanbu.

People plaster all kinds of images on Facebook without a second thought to the consequences. You may think your security settings are tight, but since fb Change settings every so often how can you be sure. And what about the settings of your friends?

Think of the information you are giving out. Your child's name, their uniform might identify their school or rainbow troop and their interests. How easy is it for someone to turn this information against them. Why hello jimmy, I'm a friend of your mummy she has told me all these stories about you..... You are just arming people with his information. Not just the sexual groomer, but even those with a grudge against the parents- a jealous ex, a disgruntled client. I work in criminal justice. It can easily be used in terrifying ways.

Even at its least dangerous, this information will be online for decades. Will your child be happy for future school friends or bullies to see photos of him being silly as a child. Or future employers? Surely it is his right to control his personal information.

OP you are right to protect your child. We tell people when they take pics of DC not to put them on fb and we have asked people not to mention DC on it. So far everyone has respected this decision. If they did not, I would stop them taking pics in future.

BlessedAssurance · 03/02/2014 22:32

I have one rule with regards to FB and posting pics.
Do not take pictures of my child, end of story. I have an account which is deactivated at the moment because i hate it. However i open it if and when i have something meaningful to announce. Birth of a DC. Saves me money and time. Whole family lives in another continent and i am in Europe. Other than that it stays closed. Vile vile Facebook. Hate it with a passion. Dh recently closed his account for the same reasons. That it is horrible..

Snakebiteandblack · 03/02/2014 22:38

Completely agree wih you OP. DH and I agreed same policy here before our DC was born and I have asked a few people to take pics down when they didn't ask before posting. Just don't like it. I feel that the people who I want to see pics and update about the baby will be people that I will email and Skype etc. I'm sure many people I know think this is wierd but I don't care. To me it's a bit wierd to take the opposite approach.

akachan · 03/02/2014 23:01

Poster above is wrong on the data protection point. There seems to be a great deal of confusion around privacy and the law.

akachan · 03/02/2014 23:06

Sorry Dogs wakes. Didn't see your post. There may be sensible reasons to get a model release. It saves any potential complaint for example.

It's not actually required under law though. We don't have any privacy laws in the uk. That's why I can (and do) sell TV footage of football matches.

Nanny0gg · 03/02/2014 23:07

akachan Which information?

I have a FB account. I take lots of photos of my DGC and others. I never put photos up without permission from those involved or their parents.

Simple good manners.

akachan · 03/02/2014 23:13

Sorry Nanny I don't understand your question.

I agree with your stance on permission though. Definitely good manners.

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