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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dh is an arse over mh issues

36 replies

ShatzePage · 02/02/2014 20:09

Just had long phone call from my mum.she is worried my sister has pnd.Dh asks about call and I tell him.He pulls a face,says pnd is made up nonsense.I point out that he is talking shit and that I have suffered from mh issues myself as has his mum.He reiterates that the majority of folk with mh problems are just weak and need to learn to cope better.I am beyond furious and have had to leave the room.Aibu to think he is being a cunt?

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 02/02/2014 20:12

Yanbu, at all

Coldlightofday · 02/02/2014 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mouse26 · 02/02/2014 20:16

Yanbu

ENormaSnob · 02/02/2014 20:16

He's a thick, pig-ignorent buffoon.

Varya · 02/02/2014 20:16

Hope he never suffers from MH probs then he wont think he is weak or needing to cope better. Then he can see if it is made-up nonsense. Anyone can suffer from MH probs and the mental health budget has been cut to the quick so there is little if any support for MH patients.

WooWooOwl · 02/02/2014 20:17

MH issues can be very hard to understand if you don't have direct experience of them. I don't think your DHs lack of understanding makes him a cunt, although he could do with trying to be a bit more open minded.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 02/02/2014 20:18

YANBU. But I don't think you're going to have much luck changing his mind.

ohfourfoxache · 02/02/2014 20:18

I don't know what to suggest, other than that, is that is truly how he feels, he needs to keep his gob shut.

I've also got mh issues, been on ad's now for about 4 years. DH can't understand why I'm on them, doesn't agree with taking tablets, as "we all get depressed" Hmm

We agree to disagree now, but it does mean that I limit what I tell him. Not only about myself, but also what other people go through.

Coldlightofday · 02/02/2014 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formerbabe · 02/02/2014 20:19

I was never intolerant of mh issues but I couldn't understand them or understand why people couldn't power through them. I now know better.

Comessyouare14 · 02/02/2014 20:20

I don't think he is an arse - I think he doesn't understand, and given post-natal depression is exclusively the domain of women, hardly surprising.

I think at times PND can be faddy and over-diagnosed by well-meaning family and friends. I certainly think he's being unreasonable but the point is a lot of people are suspicious about MH issues as they can be the bad back of the MH world and that is as infuriating for people with bad backs as it is with severe yet functional depression, anxiety etc.

I also think by denying people the right to say what they feel, it just shives a load of annoyance and resentment under the carpet which isn't always a good thing.

Original poster
ShatzePage · 02/02/2014 20:21

I strongly believe he does have unresolved mh issues himself.He lost a brother when he was very young and mil had a breakdown.I ended up on anti depressents when we lost our first dc.He pretends none of this ever happened but I am sick and tired of brushing it under carpet.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 02/02/2014 20:23

It's a shame, it sounds like he would benefit from counselling Sad

Sherlockmaystealyourpug · 02/02/2014 20:25

what a dick.
would directing him to some of the Time to Talk/Time to Change & Mind stuff help him realise he is being an total wankbadger?
The Mental Health Foundation are also good.

I have suffered from mh issues since I was about five, I am now twenty five and only just getting on my feet. I'm just starting a full time job which i am able to do because i take three tablets, three times a day and because i have had a decade of therapy, hospitalisations and support from people around me.

I now run courses for people with mh difficulties. tell him he can come with me tomorrow, to meet fourteen AMAZING people who would be beyond shattered to know that someone thought they were 'just weak'. Someone on my course had not left the house in months and had the sheer courage to walk into a full room of strangers - and commit to staying the full time. That person is coming back tomorrow.That is beyond strong.

Your DH should read that message - i have hundreds of more examples to give him.

LittleBabyPigsus · 02/02/2014 20:26

It's like saying people in wheelchairs are just weak and need to cope better. Mental illness is just as much of a disability/illness as physical ones.

DoJo · 02/02/2014 20:26

OK, now I've seen your latest post, it sounds as though he is in denial about the potential for him to have some kind of mental health incident. Perhaps the sheer strength of his ability to compartmentalise or just plain ignore his own emotions makes him critical of those who don't have that capacity. However, it is not healthy to have little or no reaction to events such as you have both experienced and it sounds like it's only a matter of time before one thing pushes him over the edge and he crumbles. I can't imagine what you can do to help him to prevent this, but I hope that he is able to accept help if he ever needs it. I'm also incredibly sorry for your loss - going through that and having a partner who has obviously just shut it away in his mind must be very difficult.

Topseyt · 02/02/2014 20:27

He could do with being much more empathetic, certainly. It probably stems either from ignorance or denial.

I freely admit that I have limited direct experience of MH issues, but I don't think that people who suffer with them are weak and useless. I am beginning to gain some experience in the wider family, and can see that many such issues are very complex indeed.

I currently have a daughter suffering severe stress, which is causing some physical symptoms in her, and is in itself an MH issue really, for which she is soon to start receiving help. I certainly wouldn't belittle anything like that.

oldgrandmama · 02/02/2014 20:27

Yes. He is being a cunt. Might you direct him to some excellent websites to prove to him what a cunt he's being?

ProfondoRosso · 02/02/2014 20:29

YANBU x 100. Give him some information to read. People can be cruel when they don't understand, and I'd hope that once he'd educated himself a bit on these issues he'd change his opinion and be more sensitive.

Sherlockmaystealyourpug · 02/02/2014 20:29

x post.

If that is the case then maybe he could benefit from knowing how strong people can be when they do face their mh problems? How they can change their whole lives?

I'm sorry he had such difficult life events to deal with, I really am. Losing a dc must beyond awful, let alone have that happen after losing a brother.

I hope that if this attitude comes from a position of self-defence he can learn to see how mh issues do not make you 'weak'.

Helpyourself · 02/02/2014 20:29
Sad From your first post I'd agree what a tosser etc. but from he second post it sounds like he has some pretty crappy baggage to carry and this is his way of coping. Really tough on you though, eh. Flowers
Original poster
ShatzePage · 02/02/2014 20:33

I agree about counselling but he would never agree.I have had some myself but didnt find it that helpful at the time.I am actually really struggling with depression again but cant face going to docs and having to tell dh.He has apologized and said he didnt mean it but I know he does as he has expressed these views before.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 02/02/2014 20:37

Please, please see your GP. If you can't face telling him then don't - but please don't leave it Sad

KeatsiePie · 02/02/2014 20:42

Goodness, please go see your GP and get a referral.

I just reread that and I didn't mean it to sound like I think you are on the edge of madness or anything. Just depression sucks so much. You shouldn't have to sit around unhelped feeling like you can't even talk about it, that sounds miserable. And I know not all counselors/therapists are created equal, but keep at it when you find a good one, and you will, it will really help. Agree with ohfour that if you can't face telling your DH beforehand then don't tell him. You can tell him when you feel like it.

Kittymalinky · 02/02/2014 20:49

Oooohhhh so that's what I need to do...cope better. If only I'd known.

Please thank your DH, now I know what to do with the crippling guilt every time I put food in my mouth or that crushing feeling that every part of me is just shit.

Maybe be could be more helpful and tell me how I can cope better.

Un fucking believeable. This is why people don't feel able to talk feely about their MH issues. I genuinely hope he never has to live with MH problems and can carry on with his cunty opinion.

I wish I could let people into my head sometimes. Jeeze.

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