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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find getting DD to give up dummy very hard :-(

44 replies

MrsSeanBean1 · 02/02/2014 13:39

DD has had a dummy since she was born. I have it her originally to help prevent cot death and then she became very attached to it. She gave it up in the day before she was 18 months and has had it just for naps and at night for the last 6 months.

She had her 2nd birthday last week and has been showing less interest in her dummy and more in her cuddly toys when going to bed. She has a slight overbite already (inherited from me) and she also has speech delay. I have been reassured that the dummy has not caused either of these things but that it won't help so have been encouraged to get rid of it by the dentist, SALT and HV.

We decided to bite the bullet last night. It went very well. She normally sleeps 7pm-7am with no trouble going to or staying in bed. Last night she searched for her dummy for about half an hour, cried for 5 mins then went to sleep half an hour later.

However, the nap she is currently having is not going well at all. She has been crying for over half an hour, making herself cough etc. I have been in once to resettle her but it made her worse. It's breaking my heart as I've never left her to cry before.

Should I just accept she's not ready to give it up or persevere? My husband says to be strong for a few days and it will all be over with but I'm finding it very upsetting. Maybe I should wait until she's older and I can explain where her dummy has gone.

Any advice?

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 02/02/2014 13:45

I think it is very positive that she slept relatively well last night...so well done you and her.
when my dds were a similar age, we found we got the odd day when a nap didn't go so well, so perhaps assume this might be happening with your dd and tomorrow may be back to normal. good luck.

onepieceoflollipop · 02/02/2014 13:46

perhaps a new cuddly for nap time tomorrow would be a useful distraction?

SS3J · 02/02/2014 13:51

Stick it out a bit longer as it's clearly important for her to get rid of it. A few days should do it, and probably less as she slept well last night. It might be worth rewarding her somehow when she sleeps without it. Some people recommend leaving the dummy for a 'dummy fairy' who takes it and leaves a toy in its place. Good luck :-)

MeepMeepVrooooom · 02/02/2014 13:54

I made the decision when my DD was just over 18 months to ditch the dummy. She developed a rash round her mouth and although the dummy wasn't the cause (DR said it was eczema and provided a steroid cream which cleared it up) I decided it wasn't helping her either.

After several attempts and endless searching of the internet for tips I came across a website which was a blessing for us.

The suggestion was very simple, snip a small hole in the top of the teet (without them seeing) and give the dummy to them. There is zero resistance when sucking and takes away the sensation they like and associate with comfort. I told my DD it was broken. Because she could see that it wasn't working and when she tried to use it could feel it wasn't working she accepted that her dummy was broken. She was a little bit teary about it and still asked for it on occasion and every time she did I would give her the "broken" dummy. I was surprised at how well it worked and how quickly she just stopped asking for it.

It may not work for everyone but it might be worth a try. Good luck.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 02/02/2014 13:55

Just to let you know that as soon as the dummy was gone my DD cut out her naps too. You may find without this comforter your DC may do the same.

FleecyFeet · 02/02/2014 13:57

I would stick it out. At 2 she might be ready to give up naps anyway.

MammaTJ · 02/02/2014 13:59

Stick with it! We used to have regular 5-10 minute traumas when we couldn't find a dummy, we had an hour of hysteria when the fairies came and took them away, then nothing after that! I was so glad we did it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 02/02/2014 14:02

Ds1 gave his up himself during a bad cold when he was about 2. Ds2 was completely different and got much more comfort out of a dummy than ds1 ever had. I did try to wean him off it at 2 but it was making everyone miserable so I just left it till he was nearer 3. He seemed much more ready to give it up by then, just more mature and grown up instead of the little baby he still seemed at 2. He was also more able to have a discussion with me about giving it up and it was actually fine. Had a couple of nights of asking if he could have it but no sobbing like there was when he was 2 when we tried to get it off him. He was surprisingly fine.

All kids are different but if yours is anything like ds2 was and seems in heaven as soon as they are sucking then maybe just try when he is older?

Jinty64 · 02/02/2014 14:04

You have made the decision. I would stick it out.

bodygoingsouth · 02/02/2014 14:06

now you've started I would stick with it. won't last long, get a special teddy.

SoonToBeSix · 02/02/2014 14:07

Never understood the need to Dutch the dummy if it's just while they are asleep. It won't affect speech and is a comfort. My dd just turned three and has s dummy for bed only. I have no plans to distress her and take it off her because it's social unacceptable.

Edendance · 02/02/2014 14:08

Stick it out now, you're nearly half way there! It usually takes about 3 nights to get completely over it.

Bluecarrot · 02/02/2014 14:10

The Easter bunny took dd1s dummies and left her a toy instead.

I'd be wary about snipping a dummy for safety reasons.

Original poster

MrsSeanBean1 · 02/02/2014 14:13

Thanks for all the advice. I managed to restrain myself from giving in. She is asleep now after an hour of crying and comforting. She normally has a 2 hour nap so will see how long she manages without dummy.

Getting her a special toy is a good idea. She would love one of those big Peppa Pig toys so I might take her a trip to the toy shop tomorrow to get one. If I make sure it stays in her bed it might give her more incentive to settle down with it.

I shall also keep the other tips in mind in case we have a bad time tonight.

Thanks for the support everyone.

OP posts:

trixymalixy · 02/02/2014 14:16

Persevere. DS cried a couple of times for his dummy then quickly forgot. I really wish I'd done it a lot earlier.

Edendance · 02/02/2014 14:38

For a just turned two year old I probably wouldn't go down the 'dummy fairy' route- you're more likely to be making a bigger deal about the dummy, and what is it, and it not being there. For an older child it can give some logic but for a little one I don't think it'll help. Get the big peppa and go from there.

CoteDAzur · 02/02/2014 14:40

Cut the tips of the dummies just a little bit. She will not like it when she sucks in air. When she asks, you say something like, "Well, honey, you are a big girl now. That's why dummies don't work".

Original poster

MrsSeanBean1 · 02/02/2014 15:48

Well she napped for an hour and a half but woke up teary and clingy. We had a cuddle in mommy and daddy's bed for a bit and let her watch an episode of Peppa Pig so she's a bit happier now. Let's see what tonight brings!

OP posts:

GreenPetal94 · 02/02/2014 17:35

When we got rid of bottles we threw them away together and we all agreed ds2 was grown up. This all sounds great, til ds2 returned to the (then emptied) bin the next day and threw a massive wobbly. But once the dustmen had really been, we did have no alternative! He learnt to use a cup after a few days.

ProfessorSkullyMental · 02/02/2014 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DanceParty · 02/02/2014 17:43

Stick it out a bit longer as it's clearly important for her to get rid of it

Why it is important? It is not important to the child, just to the parent. The child is quite happy with it - why spoil it. She'll give it up eventually in her own time!!

peevishcleavage · 02/02/2014 17:44

I took my DD (now in her 20s) to the postbox with her beloved dummy in an envelope and made a big thing of posting it to the "dummy fairy", after I persuaded her she was too old for a silly baby's dummy. It really worked a treat not a peep about it ever again. I think she was 2 or 3 and she felt very grown up. Still wonder about the poor Royal Mail worker who opened that letter and found a manky old dummy inside.

starlight1234 · 02/02/2014 17:55

To be fair sounds like you have done the hardest part...My DS gave his up at 3 months..so don't have experience myself but I have noticed that the people who it seems to go smoothiest for are the ones who decide that is it rather then the ones who are quite anxious in hoping it works,

ContinentalKat · 02/02/2014 18:04

Teeth wise it's ok to have a dummy until 3. My 2 dc have their birthdays a little while after Easter, so at Easter before their 3rd birthday the Easter bunny took it in exchange for a very desirable toy. For 3 months or so beforehand the dummy was only allowed in bed. We had a little bit of drama at night time, but at 3 they understand that the Easter bunny now has the dummy, and that's that.

I don't like children walking around with dummies 24/7, but what's wrong with a bit of dummy comfort?

maras2 · 02/02/2014 19:24

It's 30 years since weaning my youngest off the dummy. I'm still traumatised. :) Good luck.

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