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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think just because your a girl doesn't mean you can hit my son

30 replies

Back2Basics · 01/02/2014 22:21

In soft play today a little girl around my ds age (6) or slightly older was hitting him, he hit her back and she cried.

The mum went to her child and I pointed at my ds and pointed at the chair for him to come down where I would of usually told him off.

As my ds was climbing down the mum started shouting at my ds saying you do not hit girls you do not hit girls it's disgusting. I marched over and said you really do not need to tell my son off and marched my ds back to our table.

I asked what happened (although I had already saw this little girl wack my ds a couple of times) and he said she kept hitting me so I hit her back. The mum was by our table and again shouted at my ds you do not hit girls it is disgusting.

I then said actually its disgusting to hit anyone and maybe you need to tell your daughter not to hit as well. She said its completely different she's a girl and he's a boy it is disgusting and we are leaving.

I then repeated it is disgusting for anyone to hit anyone and your daughter is disgusting for hitting my ds. She then left.

angry my ds is actually really lovely and doesn't go around hitting people, I have never had an incidence with him in soft play before and he's only had one incident at school in year one where he and this boy got into an altercation and he bit him. He is boisterous and full of beans charging around but he doesn't deliberately hurt people. This woman has made me really cross.

How about all children should be taught not to hit and play nicely no matter their gender. Why is it not disgusting for a girl to hit a boy but it is the other way round.

OP posts:
lilyaldrin · 01/02/2014 22:23

She's an idiot, 6 year olds shouldn't be whacking each other regardless of gender.

Joules68 · 01/02/2014 22:23

Op she is one of 'those' mothers.... You can't reason with them

TobyLerone · 01/02/2014 22:24

There was certainly a lot of disgust down at the old soft play today, huh?

MmeLindor · 01/02/2014 22:25

She was a loon. Try to forget about her and not get too upset about it.

Original poster
Back2Basics · 01/02/2014 22:26

I'm really cross still Angry

And I used disgust back at her to make my point which went over her head

OP posts:
elspethmcgillicuddy · 01/02/2014 22:27

I don't understand why you got into a disagreement with her. I would be horrified if my 6yo DS hit someone whatever the circumstances and whoever they are. I would be too busy disciplining my own child to worry about what the other mum was doing.

You can't control everyone and everything your child encounters. IMO it is my job as a mother to support MY child to make good decisions about how to respond when these things happen. And not hitting is a big part of that.

temporarilyjerry · 01/02/2014 22:29

I opened this thread expecting that your DS was a teen who had been hit by a girlfriend.

YANBU and you are right. Gender is not an issue when it comes to 6 year olds.

FloweryFeatureWall · 01/02/2014 22:30

Tbf on OP, she didn't get involved with the other mother until the woman was shouting at her son. It would be hard to ignore that.

elspethmcgillicuddy · 01/02/2014 22:31

Actually I have just re-read your OO and think I have been a bit harsh. It sounds like you did exactly what I would have done (possible bar engaging with nutty gender crazed lunatic mum). Agree, she sounds nasty and silly. I'd be cross too but would repress that in front of my DS and drill home the no-one hitting anyone thing to HIM very loudly so she could hear

phoolani · 01/02/2014 22:31

Gender isn't really an issue at any age when it comes to self-defence. If somebody is repeatedly hitting my dc, I would fully expect them to hit them back to defend themselves. I'm not trying to bring up dv victims.

elspethmcgillicuddy · 01/02/2014 22:33

Ps I can see this turning into a 'I teach my child to hit back' vs 'my child hits no-one no matter what (well duh, common sense surely the latter) debate and I'm sorry for that OP

elspethmcgillicuddy · 01/02/2014 22:34

Strike through fail

PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon · 01/02/2014 22:35

You should have got involved the first few times you saw your son get whacked by her. But no, he can't be blamed for eventually turning back and smacking her can he? Hopefully she will learn a lesson about hitting people since her mother doesn't seem keen to teach her.

Original poster
Back2Basics · 01/02/2014 22:41

I'm not normally a confrontational person but I felt I had to defend my ds as this woman was shouting at him and calling him disgusting.

I just wondered if as I have a dd as well and they do wind each other up maybe I was not aware how more awful it was for ds to hit this girl back due to her being a girl iyswim?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/02/2014 22:45

If they're around the same height and weight, it's not more harmful at all.

I've always taught my sons to push someone away in that situation and them come to me.

If they were being hit by a girl and they shoved her over, then so be it.

I'd deal with the situation for what it was and not for what genitals they have.

pigletmania · 01/02/2014 23:00

Yanbu I am glad you told her. I feel sorry for this little girs future partners, I hope they are not going to be subject to make DV, as her mum has told her its ok to hit boys Sad

pigletmania · 01/02/2014 23:00

Male

differentnameforthis · 01/02/2014 23:16

(although I had already saw this little girl wack my ds a couple of times)

This is what I have an issue with, op. You saw her hit him, you should have intervened before he hit her back.

Neither of them were right to hit the other, but why let your ds get hit til he hits back?

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 01/02/2014 23:31

yanbu, nobody should be hitting regardless of gender.

Original poster
Back2Basics · 02/02/2014 08:33

As he didn't come down and complain and they were all playing a rather boisterous game of tag I didn't interfere. He wasn't upset or hurt he just carried on running around.

Maybe I am hypercritical as if it was a boy I more then likely would have said in a nice loud voice, can we all play nicely now and no hitting, but as it was a girl I was meh about it.

OP posts:
CombineBananaFister · 02/02/2014 09:05

I don't think there's a difference in boys/girls hitting at 6 - yes, am aware no-one should be hitting but it happens.
I'm all for kids trying to sort stuff out themselves but I'd probably would have intervened a bit sooner though if it looked like it was going to escalate into that - surely there was only so long you would expect your Ds to keep getting whacked.
Also think the other mum was OTT, if her DD is hitting and she doesn't intervene it's only a matter of time before someone retaliates - male or female - even if two wrongs don't make a right.

Quinteszilla · 02/02/2014 09:09

Yanbu.

You cannot ever stand by and say it is ok that another child hits your child.

pigletmania · 02/02/2014 09:20

At 6 they should understand that hitting is wrong, they are not 3! So ut should not just happen! The adults, mainly the girls mum should have intervened sooner, but she sounds as useless as a chocolate teapot, so you should have taken your ds away from that situation ASAP.

MidniteScribbler · 02/02/2014 11:19

You should have intervened at the first sign of hitting, whether it were by your son, or against.

DarlingGrace · 02/02/2014 11:23

Unfortunately there are a lot of women out there who hide behind gender, quite safe in the knowledge that the majority of males won't hit them back after they have struck out first.

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