To think just because your a girl doesn't mean you can hit my son

[Back2Basics]

In soft play today a little girl around my ds age (6) or slightly older was hitting him, he hit her back and she cried.

The mum went to her child and I pointed at my ds and pointed at the chair for him to come down where I would of usually told him off.

As my ds was climbing down the mum started shouting at my ds saying you do not hit girls you do not hit girls it's disgusting. I marched over and said you really do not need to tell my son off and marched my ds back to our table.

I asked what happened (although I had already saw this little girl wack my ds a couple of times) and he said she kept hitting me so I hit her back. The mum was by our table and again shouted at my ds you do not hit girls it is disgusting.

I then said actually its disgusting to hit anyone and maybe you need to tell your daughter not to hit as well. She said its completely different she's a girl and he's a boy it is disgusting and we are leaving.

I then repeated it is disgusting for anyone to hit anyone and your daughter is disgusting for hitting my ds. She then left.

angry my ds is actually really lovely and doesn't go around hitting people, I have never had an incidence with him in soft play before and he's only had one incident at school in year one where he and this boy got into an altercation and he bit him. He is boisterous and full of beans charging around but he doesn't deliberately hurt people. This woman has made me really cross.

How about all children should be taught not to hit and play nicely no matter their gender. Why is it not disgusting for a girl to hit a boy but it is the other way round.

That little girl is probably going to grow up to be a horrid individual with a mother like that. It makes no difference whether the child was male or female, she still shouldn't have been hitting your DS. You have to marvel at a mother who, instead of telling her DD off, turns on the other child.

The only thing you can hope is that the little girl has learnt a valuable lesson, namely that if you go round hitting other kids, one day one of them will turn round and hit you back.

Obviously she was in the wrong to shout at your son and I'm not trying to excuse her behaviour at all but it was so inappropriate that I wonder whether the incident was triggering something in her own situation.

You did the right thing to defend your child.

yanbu but at 6 I would say it is very wrong to hit rather than 'disgusting'.

Disgusting for an adult but 6 is still a very young child.

The woman was in the wrong. But I do think you maybe should have intervened sooner.

As a child I was always taught if someone hits you you hit them harder irrespective of sex . Not the best decision my parents ever made and in fact after a recent conversation about this admitted that they cringe at that looking back. However it did mean in my childhood I never got hit more than once.

This is obviously not a lesson I will teach my daughter and will teach her to be the bigger person and walk away. That isn't to say that she won't also be taught how to defend herself. I am a firm believer in knowing self defense as you grow up but that it should only ever be used in a situation where you physically cannot remove yourself. This is not something I would teach a child however as it it would be very difficult for them to separate the huge difference between situations.

I can't say I blame your son for lashing out, it is an automatic defense mechanism but you may find it helpful to sit your son done and explain how to handle situations like this in future.

As for the mother, she may get a shock as if this is how her daughter acts your son will not be the first or the last to lash out back at her.

With hindsight I think I would have made it much clearer to her that it was completely her dd's fault that she got hit. If she hadn't whacked your ds several times then he wouldn't have needed to hit her back to get her to stop hitting him; he wouldn't and didn't initiate the hitting.

The fact she changed it into a girls bs boys thing meant she was conveniently able to ignore the wrong doing of her child and feel like she had the moral highground, which I suspect is why you have ended feeling so angry about this.