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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit fed up with people telling me 2nd children aren't that expensive?

28 replies

VulvaVoom · 01/02/2014 14:18

I agree to some extent, you don't buy all the rubbish you did the first time around blah, blah, blah BUT and it's a big one - if you don't have family members offering free childcare, it really isn't an option.

I wish I could emblazon that on my T Shirt sometimes and point at it when people try to patronise me (particularly when they have no idea about childcare costs as they get it for free!)

So just to be clear - IT'S ABOUT FUCKING CHILDCARE COSTS, NOT ABOUT AFFORDING NAPPIES AND A FEW SLEEPSUITS!

Sorry rant over and I do feel better now :)

OP posts:

Pimpf · 01/02/2014 14:21

Apart from child are the other huge cost is shoes. Don't laugh, it's true!

HoratiaDrelincourt · 01/02/2014 14:22

YANBU

And school shoes and school trips and pocket money and university fees and house deposits and all the other things one might choose to pay for that can't be shared.

Mumof3xx · 01/02/2014 14:23

Yanbu

Any child adds expense!

RandyRudolf · 01/02/2014 14:24

Sensible to be considering the cost before you go ahead and do it. So many think what the hell and struggle worry about it later.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/02/2014 14:24

Yes, it's not like buy one, get one free

People are stupid.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 01/02/2014 14:25

It's a bit like people who say babies aren't expensive. No, they aren't. But they don't stay babies for long...

fay144 · 01/02/2014 14:26

Yep, some people don't seem to realise that childcare for one child is already more than most people's mortgage. Doubling that would just put it totally out of reach for a lot of people.

Ellisisland · 01/02/2014 14:37

YANBU I am pregnant with no.2 and saving like crazy, selling on eBay cutting bill etc and the amount of people who say to me ' why are you doing all that for? You already have everything!' Makes me so cross. It's not about buying little outfits! It's like you say childcare, shoes, swimming lessons even getting another car seat can set you back £90 easily. I think some people live in fantasy land.

Oubliette0292 · 01/02/2014 14:47

YANBU. We have two DC, and our childcare costs are our biggest monthly outgoing by a mile (considerably more than our mortgage). I have friends who are totally astonished when I say we pay over 20k per year for childcare.

CunningAtBothEnds · 01/02/2014 14:53

YANBU... but....

childcare is only relevant if you need both incomes, or dependent on your work requirements / age gap. if you worked 15 hpw and your first child got 15 hpw free then a second one only costs what the first cost up to that point IYKWIM?

DontmindifIdo · 01/02/2014 14:56

YANBU, I'm on mat leave with dc2, on a £34k wage, nursery for 2 plus commute would be making a loss. Thankfully it'll only be a few months until dc1 is at school, at which point I'll start making a profit, albeit a small one. I know I earn a highish wage and have a DH who can do one end of childcare drop/pick up, so I'm lucky like that. If I'd planned it better, I'd have aimed to have dc2 6 months later so I only had one preschooler at a time.

I genuinely think a lot of people with free childcare or a SAHP don't get it.

(Plus with one winter and one summer baby, they aren't seasonally correct for hand me downs anyway...)

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 01/02/2014 15:07

Even the hand me downs are not as great as you would think. I have a pre school girl and a baby boy. Less than half the clothes could be reused as most of it was either pink or a dress.

A friend of mine with two boys also can't reuse as she has the first in June and the second in January. Not much call for teeny tiny cute t shirts and shorts at the moment.

Cunning - 15 free hours rarely allow you to work 15 hours. There are few jobs next door to the school from 9:10 - 11:50 in term time only.

And private nurseries are generally open 7:30 - 6pm year round (15 hours a week translates to 11 hours year round) and the 15 hours has to be taken over at least 2 days so you still have to pay a full day.

Not saying the free hours are not great - we worked out that me delivering at 39+4 at the end of March rather than at 40 weeks in early April saved us about £700. But they are a help - not a solution.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 01/02/2014 15:08

dontmind Cross posted.

bluebeanie · 01/02/2014 20:47

What Fay said 100%

Pontouf · 01/02/2014 20:54

Agree 100%. Also people who had their kids years ago and had lots of family help keep telling me how much more kids cost once they are at school - "you have to buy school shoes and trips and after school activities. Enjoy this time while they're young, you won't know what's hit you!". I refuse to believe my kids are going to cost me more in shoes and scout camps than they do in child care at the moment. I pay almost £1000 a month for child care (Two kids, not even full time). What kind of fucking shoes were they buying?!

chutneypig · 01/02/2014 20:54

I BOGOF twins are ruinously expensive. The bliss of reduced childcare when they started school was almost worth it.

HappyMummyOfOne · 01/02/2014 20:59

So many on MN say babies arent expensive and all they need is love

Children are expensive, childcare, loss of wages from maternity, food, clothes, hobbies etc. Its a whole new person to pay for so of course its expensive.

MrsKoala · 01/02/2014 20:59

It's the food! Since DS has eaten 'properly' our food bill has doubled. He's only 16mo and i am dreading what the food bill will be when he's a teen

Lambzig · 01/02/2014 21:09

It's really expensive. DS is nearly as big at 15 months as his sister at 4, so not only are clothes useless, a lot of the things I had planned on handing on (chair and bed for example) have had to be duplicated. I can't get a nursery place for him so am working a ridiculous 1.5 days per week and it's a bit of a nightmare. Obviously, wouldn't have it any different, but it's not cheap.

Lambzig · 01/02/2014 21:09

Oh god yes the food. DS eats more than I do.

MrsKoala · 01/02/2014 21:18

We've lost my wage and added the cost of heating/lighting the house all day, double the food, 'activities' for about £15 per week (round here all toddler groups are a min of £5 each per child), plus nappies, shoes (oh god the shoes), clothes, buggy (cost more than our car), car seats, cot/bed etc. And all this will double when the 2nd arrives later this year. Obviously we love and want the dc, but oh my, it's not cheap.

lagerlout · 02/02/2014 08:51

Don't get me started on this. I have an only DS who is almost 10. He was unplanned and we were not in a good position to start a family. My partner and I have have worked non stop to make a better life, buying a house, work promotions etc and life is a lot better and financially secure than it was a decade ago. Between them, my MIL and SIL have labelled me selfish and unmaternal for not having a second. I try to explain the cost of childcare and our financial situation and how that limited our ability to have a second and that was a sacrifice on my part and is a decision that I am still upset about to this day. They will not even listen, just roll their eyes and say things like how do other people manage. The other people they are talking about have had access to free childcare or didn't have jobs that after childcare made it worth them working so became SAHM. They just don't accept that we need my salary to pay our bills so I could not afford to take maternity and a second lot of childcare fees would cripple us. A lot of the girls I work with are in the same position, squeezed middle not having the options that others seem to, once again.

grumpyoldbat · 02/02/2014 09:02

When people say it I think they mean having 2 children doesn't cost 2x 1child because they don't due to hand me downs. The childcare issue is why (IMO) so many of dd1's classmates are 5-7 years older than their younger sibling. The parents only tried for a second when their first started school.

janey68 · 02/02/2014 09:17

YANBU OP.
But IME if people aren't paying childcare, either because they don't work or they use relatives for free care, they have no bloody idea at all of the reality of it. For pre school children, childcare is often around £1000 per month, and when you have a second child it doubles - unless you are employing a nanny which probably means you're paying well over 1k even for one child.

Another bug bear of mine is when people who haven't worked while their children are pre schoolers, decide they want a job once the children start school and then moan like hell about childcare costs for the school holidays, and in particular complain that their August childcare bill will wipe out their summer earnings. They have absolutely no clue that many parents who work with pre schoolers have their earnings wiped out every month for several years. Yes, logistically it's trickier to organise childcare for school kids. been there done that, but blimey it's a blessed relief after paying nursery costs

So yes I think you're allowed a little rant OP

MrsKoala · 02/02/2014 10:14

janey - we aren't paying childcare, but because childcare is so expensive it is still costing us £1200 a month. Because that's all i can earn, so makes going back to work pointless. So we are effectively still paying the same cost of childcare, just in lost wages. Either way, we still are over a grand worse off a month.

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