to phone MI6 and offer my DC as a legal torture device?

[Antidote]

I swear they are in cahoots.

DD woke every 90 minutes between 7pm and 5 am apart from a window of 2 hours 50 minutes between 11pm and 2am, by which time I'd given up all hope.

At 5am DS took over with 'a bogey'that needed wiping, a wee at 5.50 and misaligned teddies at 6.10.

His gro clock goes yellow at 7, at which point the endless steam of 'why?' questions will begin again.

Can I send mine as well?

We have been up since 4am

I cant do anything incase I wake the others up!

Sure. I reckon even Bond would have given in by now and be singing like a canary.

Would you like to swap them for a 1 week old who's been on some sort of crazed milk binge since 2 am and refuses to detach himself from my boob?

Or how about a 15 month old that woke just after 10 because she'd pooed, and refused point blank to go back to sleep till gone 1am? That'll fill the gap left by slh's milk crazed newborn nicely!

I'll take the 1 week old [broody] . I'm sure he'll fall asleep soon....

DD is awake again now. Grumbling and 'patting' me on the arm. She's like a cat after treats.

I used to think mi6 should send suspects on long car journeys with ds. He only had to see his car seat and would start screaming. And screaming. And screaming.

ATruth I thought it just a fact that you could get a baby to sleep by driving them around? Is it not true for everyone? This scares me that it may stop working for us.

Got a crazy screamer not a sleeper here too, been up since 5....
maybe we could all offer to MI6 on a rota basis?
A closed room with dd's teethy nappy fillings would make anyone sing like a canary in order to get fresh air!

can I throw in my mum. when she is poorly, she can stay awake all night pacing the floor. ds is good at making random loud noises, and is an expert at loud tantrums.

I think all of these pale into insignificance next to the torture that is the Infant School Recorder group. All the recorders are tuned slightly differently, all of the children are playing at slightly different paces (and one child is playing a different tune altogether), and there is always one child who is overblowing their recorder, to make a nails-down-the-blackboard screeching sound.

slh22 - I can honestly say that if you were one of the many, many people who said that to me many, many times during my 18 months of car hell, you would have been on the receiving end of my best death stare. Driving anywhere was pure hell. Luckily he is now an amazing traveller so I'm praying that I get a 'likes the car' version with dc2!

How about a 17 year old who cleans her room at midnight, farts uncontrollably, grabs your stomach "to make it go all jelly wobbles" and evacuates her nostrils at the table.

And pretends to eat the contents.

I often wonder how well mums do/would do in the secret services. We put up with so much and work under such extreme circumstances and on so little sleep.

My ds broke my marine cousin. He was a shouter from 6 months until 18 months that was a long year and when I say shouter I really mean he would screech an unearthly noise when he was happy, sad, bored, excited. Basically non stop. I joked to my cousin that the marines could use ds for torture training. He saw this as a challenge and offered to look after him for the day. He came back after two hours with actual tears in his eyes.

How about a 6yo that doesn't go to sleep at night?

Mamafratelli - I've always said the marines were soft

Bless him.

pinkand - sleep deprivation is a form of torture isn't it?

I suspect all the most evil dictators got their ideas from their kids.....or perhaps were driven to it by their kids

OMG the 'but wwwwhhhyyy mummy?' over and over from 4 yr old DS would def break the strongest minds.

I say, send the 'why' kids into the Syria peace talks. They'd have to come up with some decent explanations for their actions or just give in.

I nailed the reply to my very own 'but why' dd. I just say 'why do you think?'' Wait for her answer and then say 'I think you could be right' works every time.

MI6 are welcome to my 'why' DH. Every action on my part triggers an interrogation. 'Why did u put the heater on?' 'Why did you open the kitchen door?' (Answer: so the dog could get to her water). All done with a really scary deep frown.

No.4 would scream non stop in the car also. Until I made him an endless loop recording of Busted "Thunderbirds are Go". The only sound I heard then was my own screaming in my head.

MI6 won't want my children. They are clearly enemies of the state. (The state = me and DH.)

But in good news, Atruth, DS2 loves the car. DS1 hated it so much we actually gave up using it until he was a toddler and the combo of forward facing seat and iPad distraction helped him get over it. Meanwhile DS2 happily goes rearfacing and simply looks out the window.