to phone MI6 and offer my DC as a legal torture device?

[Antidote]

I swear they are in cahoots.

DD woke every 90 minutes between 7pm and 5 am apart from a window of 2 hours 50 minutes between 11pm and 2am, by which time I'd given up all hope.

At 5am DS took over with 'a bogey'that needed wiping, a wee at 5.50 and misaligned teddies at 6.10.

His gro clock goes yellow at 7, at which point the endless steam of 'why?' questions will begin again.

My 2 eldest WILL NOT sleep in the car EVER.

We drive to relatives 6 hours away fairly regularly. If we leave after work at 7pm they are still awake and arguing at 1am.

Littlest one is 50/50 - depends how he feels.

I didn't visit family for over a year because I couldn't face the journey.

Atruth - I have a car hater too. We generally avoid it like the plague as she just screams so, so much - it's heartbreaking. But we had to do a long car journey at Christmas, and despite having all sorts of strategies and props to try to keep her calm, she screamed for a full 7 hours both ways, without stopping or sleeping. She was less than 6 months old.

And yes, everytime someone says 'oh but babies like the car, it makes them sleep' I literally want to take them outside and reverse the bloody car over their head.

If you want anyone to ask 'why' to everything, or to scream at an eardrum-bursting, ringing off fixtures and fittings pitch, let me know - I have a very feisty 3 year old.

I am soooooo glad those days are behind me now. With one exception.

Without fail, DS will come up and ask for food on a regular basis when at home. He's 10 (I make him ask me so I can keep track of what he's eating as he has a mild bowel issue or to ensure he doesn't nick stuff planned for other meals) but despite pretty constant eating he's amazingly fit and healthy.

I so remember the "whhhhyyyy", in that whiny voice....

I can offer a 2 year old who is capable of pouring imaginary cups of tea until you're begging for wine mercy...

I have a 6 yr old who wont sleep, constantly talking til you wanna rip your own ears out.

I swear my child could break even the toughest of men.