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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my partner just isn't into this as much as I am because...

27 replies

Overthinkerzzz · 28/01/2014 16:52

I ask them to come over in the week and my partner sometimes declines....she lives 30 minutes drive away and when she stays over she has to drive home early in the morning to get changed then go to work. (I don't drive and there is only one train a day to her village). We were due to go to the cinema tonight and she said she's not feeling it either....(I had said I have a heavy period and feeling meh).

I just feel like she doesn't miss me as much as I do but I'm being over the top aren't I?

We have been together for 9 months.

To be fair we do see eachother every weekend from Friday to Sunday evening. I'm being unreasonable aren't I? I would never voice this to her. I think I'm just being paranoid and over sensitive. She has never cheated or given me any reason to believe she has.

We used to email a LOT in work but now only a few times a day. I guess we are just settling down from honeymoon period?

OP posts:
maras2 · 28/01/2014 17:00

Who's the ' them ' that you ask over ?

Original poster
Overthinkerzzz · 28/01/2014 17:02

Sorry, I mean my partner, I ask her to come over

OP posts:
mrspremise · 28/01/2014 17:04

I assume that the mysterious 'them' is the Op's partner. Asks her to come over, etc... Smile

mrspremise · 28/01/2014 17:04

Sorry, OP, X-posted Smile

Original poster
Overthinkerzzz · 28/01/2014 17:06

Sorry, should have worded it correctly :) I guess I already know I am being unreasonable, I just need to hear it from someone else!

OP posts:
Cranky01 · 28/01/2014 17:09

Sometimes it does get a bit much being the one who does a the travelling because she is the only driver.

Can you not travel to her sometimes? Maybe by cab

Original poster
Overthinkerzzz · 28/01/2014 17:11

Cab would be a LOT of money. I am going to hers this weekend, there is one train an hour after I finish work so will stay at hers (she lives with parents) then I am taking her to the zoo and making a lovely meal on the Saturday. I try to give as much back because I know it must cost a lot in petrol. I just don't think she gets as exciteable to see me as I do her. Meh

OP posts:
KiwiBanana · 28/01/2014 17:12

How long have you been together?

Maybe she likes having time to herself and doesn't like the faff of having to travel. Is there anything else that makes you think she's not so keen or is it just that?

meganorks · 28/01/2014 17:12

Can't she go straight to work from yours? But in the example you give you said you can't be arsef first!

KiwiBanana · 28/01/2014 17:13

Oops just seen the 9 months!

Original poster
Overthinkerzzz · 28/01/2014 17:18

Going to work from mine never seems to be an option!?

Umm trying to think of other examples.....there's not any really. Just the lack of emailing/texting etc.

OP posts:
Cranky01 · 28/01/2014 17:24

How often is she coming round you're compared to you going round there?

Maybe she just wants to have a bit of time in her own space?

Original poster
Overthinkerzzz · 28/01/2014 17:25

Yeah she said that she likes her own space. Ummm I only go to hers about twice a month whereas she will stay at mine maybe once in week then 2 nights over weekend. I see your point lol I think I will make more of an effort to go to hers each weekend

OP posts:
DukeSilver · 28/01/2014 17:27

It could just be that she is settling into the relationship so doesn't feel the need to be in constant contact anymore.

I would ask her, it's obviously worrying you and would put your mind at rest/let you know what she's thinking.

Cranky01 · 28/01/2014 17:29

I think you should also ask her how she feels, ask if it's the travel or space or something more?

JeanSeberg · 28/01/2014 17:32

Friday to Sunday every other weekend would be enough for me, perhaps it is for her too? What does she say when you ask about seeing each other more often?

pictish · 28/01/2014 17:36

Yabu I think. In my opinion she comes over plenty.
It's not just a case of popping round either...it's 30 mins in the car and staying overnight and having to get up early to head back....and sometimes it's ok not to bother you know?

I'm a person that needs space. If I was with someone in your circumstances, who got all woebegotten because I elected to have it, then I'd feel a bit hunted down and backed into a corner.

threepiecesuite · 28/01/2014 17:37

I used to resent being the only driver in a far-away ish relationship, got my dp to learn to drive pretty sharpish, is this an option?

SaucyJack · 28/01/2014 17:41

I don't think this relationship is going in the direction you both want it to, if I'm being honest.

pictish · 28/01/2014 17:41

We used to email a LOT in work but now only a few times a day.

To me, a few times a day, if it's every day, is a fuck of a lot. Perhaps her need for contact is much less than yours. You seem full on to me...but like I say...I'm a space seeker.

Maybe you'd be better off with someone who seeks as much contact and togetherness as you do.

pictish · 28/01/2014 17:47

I also can't bear it when someone seems to need constant texting and emailing. What's it for? Unless there is something specific to say, save the chit chat for when you are actually together. Then you have plenty to say to one another.
If it just for the sake of contact and touching base, then I view that as being needy.

pictish · 28/01/2014 18:01

Not that I'm saying YOU are needy btw!!
I'm just saying that people's expectations and needs from a relationship can differ wildly.

Oldraver · 28/01/2014 18:41

We used to email a LOT in work but now only a few times a day

How is this a 'lack of emailing/texting' ? sounds like a lot to me

Original poster
Overthinkerzzz · 29/01/2014 10:45

Thanks for the perspective guys, it's just what I needed. I am aware that I am quite needy and am trying to relax! I am also about to start learning to drive, hoping to get my provisional this month!

Thanks again

OP posts:
MusicalEndorphins · 29/01/2014 12:11

Give her the space she wants is my advice. Parting makes the heart grow fonder. :)