to ask what you would do wrt to ex smoking in car/very close to toddler (but denying it)?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

DS is 3 and always comes home reeking of fags. I know ex smokes in the car and at home he sits on the backstep with the door open (whilst DS is obviously in the room too as he's keeping an eye on him at the same time).

I've asked a few times (his sister let slip he still smokes/smokes in those places) and he denies it everytime so how would you go about getting it to stop.

DS said 'mummy, stay there, i'm going for a cigarette' the other day Not sure why but it made me so sad. I don't want him thinking it's a good option/being set that example.

Stupidest thing is that ex's dad died at 49 of a heart attack and smoked like a chimney despite being very 'healthy' in all other ways.

(I've said that I know he smokes and asked why DS smells of it but he says he doesn't know as he smokes far away from him...)

I also have this problem with my teenagers dad. She often comes home smelling of smoke. She was advised last year that they would no longer smoke in their flat because they were redecorating... Hmmm so paint is more important than her lungs...

He only started smoking in his 30's. Very odd.

I have no helpful ideas sorry, but am interested in what others will advise.

I'd stop contact. So sue me.

I certainly feel like it sparkling

If he won't own up/stop then what can I actually bloody do about it that's reasonable?

There's nothing you CAN do. You parent your way, and he parents his way.

You have my sympathy. My 6 year old DD also comes home reeking of smoke. Breaks my heart. ExH denies smoking near her too and he only started smoking at 42 because the woman he left me for smokes. And obviously he is that desperate for acceptance.

Ironically, he was one of the most vocal anti-smokers prior to this.

I don't know how to make them stop. If we can't appeal to their better nature or sense of decency then I'm sadly beginning to realise that this 'their time, their rules' thing does carry a lot of weight. Doesn't stop us feeling utterly helpless though.

Nothing you can do. Stop contact 'so sue me' yeah, because enforcement procedures are hilarious .

I no longer smoke (I still find that weird). But what would get my goat is exP going on about how he want's the best for the children but still is happy to smoke around them.

I don't think there is anything you can do, sadly. He can chose to parent the way he wants to, and at the moment smoking around children isn't illegal (that's clearly a whole other debate).

I get that it's different rules for different parents but I see it as a health issue. I let the crap food, late nights etc slide because of that but this is different

Burying both my parents in my teens due to smoking related illness was hilarious too Fitzgerald... Neither of them reached 50...

Agree with sparkling in the sense that his dad is going the same way as his own dad did and i don't want ds to pick up the habit because his dad does it.

Though as he's only 3 the main issue is him breathing it in. His dad smokes forty a day.

The bigger problem for me would be the smoking in the car, could you tackle that one first, as I think it's pretty established one that smoking in the car with children is bad, there has been tv campaigns etc and the close proximity is probably why DS smells so badly of fags.

At the open back door isn't quite as bad as I suppose at least it's wafting about.

I would hate this too. And I am an on and off smoker.

You're pushing an open door. No want wants children smoked around, no one wants loved ones to die of smoking related illnesses. Will the courts support you in that. No. They don't. Didn't say it was right or fair, but a reality.

Its is part of being NRP. Keep them up late, have the fun times, no need to enforce discipline over such a short time, let them eat crap. Because they are going back to (usually mummy) to pick up the pieces. Drives me nuts, it isn't in the children's best interests. But hey, it's the NRP's right. You can't do anything about it BECAUSE of enforcement. Because being hauled back to court is not any fun. Because contempt of court can result in jail. Or loss of job. Which isn't in the children's best interests either. sigh

I thought smoking in the car with children was illegal now?

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2546249/Lords-vote-week-Labour-plans-ban-smoking-cars-children.html?ITO=1490&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490

not yet I guess

This is a difficult situation. I would be really annoyed too, and even more annoyed that he was denying it.

You can't stop contact-what a ridiculous suggestion.

I'd never say NC.

Just wish I could stop it for DS's sake

40 a day. That must cost a fortune.

The some total of fuck all is what you can do unfortunately.

Did your ex partner smoke when you met him and when you had a child with him? I thinkyou're a bit U of you have a child with a smoker and then get huffy when they keep on smoking.

Yes I don't think so but I think it won't be long.

There was a big campaign recently wasn't there, it'd very rare I see anyone smoking in the car with kids now.

40 a day is a serious habit, he is roughly having three and a bit fags an hour based in being up 12 hours, you can't hide that level of smoking from a 3 year old.

Really annoying for you.

How does anyone have time to smoke 40 a day?

nothing you can do. I detest smoking but "stop contact" is a ridiculous suggestion, because your child will come into contact with cigarette smoke in the wider world too. do you intend too keep him away from there too? and presumably he smoked before you had a child with him and yet you were happy to continue with that....

She obvioulsy can't stop contact.. but being upset that her child is subject to 40 cigaretes a day is not unfair. He doesn't care about his child's health.

It's not the same as being exposed while out an about occasionally and presumably op was able to keep him away form ds when he was smoking at home

Ds was a surprise. We weren't together.

Thanks for the judgement though.