To Have Rung Social Services about my neighbours screaming & swearing at kids?

[absoluteidiot]

Finally cracked today and rang social services about my neighbours. They have only lived next door since September. But the man is threatening and abusive.

They have 2 kids, ages 18 months and 4. Our walls are thin. Every single day we have heard them screaming vicious abuse at eachother, and/or the kids.

The language is highly abusive and full of the f and c words. My kids can hear it sitting in our living room. Today, the baby started crying in a strange way - not a 'normal' cry. I have 5 kids and I know how babies cry. After a while, the man (who is looking after it all day alone whilst the woman works full-time) started shrieking "Stop crying! Stop crying!" at it. Yesterday, we heard him shouting "That's it! I'm fucking done you cunts!" and he virtually ran out of the house and drove off at 90 MPH.

My kids have seen them stood on their back doorstep, literally shouting and swearing over the baby's head, a blazing row. Now the woman is working there are less rows but almost every single day, we hear the man shrieking abuse at the baby. The older kid is out at nursery but the weird thing is, though our walls are thin, we have never, once heard him play, or laugh or - anything. The baby on the other hand is a real crier. I suspect it has some 'issues' as the cries are like a much younger baby, and mum, when she spoke to me once, seemed off her face on drugs.

I asked my other neighbour - who works with 'damaged' kids - her opinion. She told me to ring social services anonymously, and do it now. So I did.

AIBU to have done this? Should I have done it sooner? Will the SS only turn up if these people are already on their radar? They are council tenants (as we are) and the council isn't too bothered and when I contacted them, I feel they didn't bother to contact the police or SS despite boasting about their 'multi agency approach'.

This man has already acted in a threatening manner and it will be obvious it was us, despite me reporting anonymously. AIBU to worry they will just think I am a busybody neighbour who is snobbish about her sweary, violent neighbours (the council employee responsible for disputes told me "It's social housing - what do you expect?")

I am worried nothing will happen as the child, on the rare occasion I have seen it - and we haven't seen the older one at all - it has been clean looking and nicely dressed. And yet we hear her constantly being screamed at, and in the vilest way.

Anyone here have a similar experience and - more importantly - what was the outcome? I can find old discussions about this but can't find what was the likely outcome.

Absolutely and if you are ever concerned for their immediate safety call the police.

How awful and upsetting.

You have DEFINiTELY done the right thing.

What disgusting people they are

Yep, council man just said to me phone the police if the man comes round or gets verbal. It will all be on the record and help evict them, if push comes to shove.

I think you have done the right thing but in my experience of a similar family, unless the house is dirty and there is no food in the fridge etc nothing will be done We reported our neighbour for her nightly screaming, swearing fits at her three year old and when we got follow up information from the police and SS they said there was nothing they could do as she had clean clothes on and was well fed Two other neighbours reported her in the same time frame so its not like it was an isolated case either.

Yes, I have only seen one of the kids, and she looked well dressed and clean. The best chance of the kids getting helped is if the older one is showing any behaviours at nursery. As I say, he is utterly silent at home - my kids when they were four were tearing round the garden and house! You actually wouldn't know there was another child there if you didn't hear the man shrieking at him. We've heard him shouting "Stand up! STAND UP!" which can't have been aimed at the baby?

The council man told me they totally denied any arguing, when he called round - which they would. They have offered us the noise nuisance recording equipment, to get proof of the shouting, though so they may be able to do them for antisocial behaviour and end the tenancy that way, if they can't do them for actual noise nuisance as the shouting is very loud but very brief.

My experience with SS tallies with Pixies.
I had a social worker for court and she seemed more interested in how much food i'd got in than anything else, and noted down things like, my daughter was eating crisps off the floor [Didn't include the bit where she had just poured them on the floor and was eating them as i was cleaning them up].

I think you did the right thing though absolute.
I am more sweary than i should be, and i am known to let out the odd 'oh for fuck sake!' or similar if i'm stressed but what you have described is excessive and emotionally abusive to the children IMO. No adult would ever be expected to put up with being verbally abused on a daily basis.

Does anyone know if they give them any forewarning? Or do the SS just turn up in these situations? Just wondering as he is furiously hoovering now (inbetween barking commands at the baby).

Maybe he has seen this thread on here? Unlikely though I suppose

Have you considered doing something to support the parents, who are obviously, to put it mildly, struggling? You could invite the children round for playdates sometimes, take them to the park with your children, etc. Could make a real difference to the whole family. I think it's a shame when neighbours these days think that they have done their bit by calling SS - probably appropriate in this instance, but only in conjunction with doing your bit to help the children yourselves, especially as you have kids of your own.

No, we can't. The man is abusive and threatening - had a go at my husband (in the dark in OUR back garden), their first or second week here. The council already advised us to simply ring the police if the man or his partner step foot on our property again. We've seen a police van pull up on their drive twice and they've only been here since Sept - and a woman who looks like a probation officer, with a clipboard, makes pretty regular visits. They are not the sort of folk you could do 'playdates' with or take a cake round to welcome them. The bloke's every other word - even to people he doesn't know and is speaking to for the first time, is "fuck".

how do you know he is/was furiously hoovering? im struggling to know what that means.

fu·ri·ous (fyo?or??-?s)
adj.

1. Full of or characterized by extreme anger; raging.
2. Suggestive of extreme anger in action or appearance; fierce. See Synonyms at angry.
3. Full of activity; energetic or rapid

I suspect OP was using meaning 3. It's a common enough usage. I'm surprised you found it so confusing.

He sounds very unpleasant, to say the least

He's a piece of work. His partner just looks tragic - she is fairly harmless, mousy little thing with scraped back hair and a little purple shell suit. He's a brute, though. Although he is so tiny we thought one of our garden gnomes had come to life when he was berating my husband in our back garden... Small man syndrome.

'Furiously' as in 'vigorously and energetically'. The fact I can hear the hoover through the wall tells you how thin the walls are.

Why is the emphasis on getting this family evicted/ending the tenancy? Surely the major issue is keeping the children safe and helping the family as a whole, maybe the parents need help in coping. As much as its upsetting for OP to be hearing this abuse moving them to another property will not solve the problem.

could you record the shouting, OP?

Oh ignore me. missed some posts.

We want them gone because I don't want my kids constantly hearing this in our own home. The walls are thin. I don't see the man being able to modify his behaviour or change - so the SS called in for the sake of his kids, but I want him gone for the sake of my own.

Just to update: the SS seem to have been round twice in two days. Yesterday, two of them came so it looks like when they looked these people up, they found something that made them think it's safer to go mob-handed? Today, just one (honestly, I'm not a curtain-twitcher! I do crafts for a living and have to sit in the window when I work, for the light, so I tend to see all the comings and goings for those hours of the day I'm there!)

Both times they were there for some time. They arrived not long after the 'furious hoovering' so not sure if he was forewarned... Then he seemed to hit some crisis last night as he went out (which they have never done, once on an evening, since living here) and came and went three times - which we can't miss as he does 4 point turns in his drive, and his car headlights light up our entire living room... This morning, one of the ladies from yesterday was there again. The kid is still there and still crying.

Not long after she left, we heard him screaming at the child again. So not much of a chance of modifying behaviour, there! If it's just all on his word, then he will have lied to them as he did to the council. But hopefully, they will have more to go on.

The fact they have come two days running must mean something?

I'm not surprised he's screaming - he must be hugely stressed. Clearly SS are taking the problem seriously. It is now out of your hands.

How I sympathise with all of you with problem neighbours. A young couple moved in next door to us about 2 years ago (they bought it unfortunately) with 3 young children. They wanted us to put a new fence up and because we wanted to wait a short while (finances permitting) they came into our garden and ripped the whole fence down! To cut a very long story short they threatened to kill my husband (who is in his sixties), told him I was having an affair (I was quite flattered) and followed my daughter and her children to her house. Police were called who told me they had contacted social services but in 2 years little has changed. Their language and what they accuse each other of is vile and the children are frequently verbally bullied and abused (I don't think that they are actually hit). The youngest crys until she is almost sick and is screamed at using the worst language you can imagine. He has been in prison and stays at home to work on the house renovations and "look after" the children, she is a paramedic would you believe! He has mental health issues for which he takes medication (which we have found in our garden and gave to the police, who were less than interested). We will not sell up because we have lived here, happily, for 38 years and have many good friends and neighbours. We would not give them the satisfaction, apart from the fact that problem neighbours now have to be disclosed and lower the value of your house. And so it continues - our much loved home is spoilt.

Well done op, I don't see any harm ever on being on the safe side where children were concerned!

Its a shame you cant record the shouting though I saw something on problem neighbours on channel 5 and she was able to record the shouting on her phone...

how do you know he is/was furiously hoovering? hmm im struggling to know what that means

Our walls are thin too I can also hear my neighbours hovering and would be able to tell you a mild clean from a more .....vigourous one!

Oh that I wish my neighbours had carpet to hoover - they installed all wooden floors when they moved in and no soft furnishings or curtains to muffle the noise! Everything echoes, we can almost hear them breathing! And nothing of theirs is private, she was in the garden screaming down the phone when she threw her husband out for leaving the children on their own all night while she was at work while he went off visiting prostitutes! Then she had him back! Neighbours further down the road heard every word!