To Have Rung Social Services about my neighbours screaming & swearing at kids?

[absoluteidiot]

Finally cracked today and rang social services about my neighbours. They have only lived next door since September. But the man is threatening and abusive.

They have 2 kids, ages 18 months and 4. Our walls are thin. Every single day we have heard them screaming vicious abuse at eachother, and/or the kids.

The language is highly abusive and full of the f and c words. My kids can hear it sitting in our living room. Today, the baby started crying in a strange way - not a 'normal' cry. I have 5 kids and I know how babies cry. After a while, the man (who is looking after it all day alone whilst the woman works full-time) started shrieking "Stop crying! Stop crying!" at it. Yesterday, we heard him shouting "That's it! I'm fucking done you cunts!" and he virtually ran out of the house and drove off at 90 MPH.

My kids have seen them stood on their back doorstep, literally shouting and swearing over the baby's head, a blazing row. Now the woman is working there are less rows but almost every single day, we hear the man shrieking abuse at the baby. The older kid is out at nursery but the weird thing is, though our walls are thin, we have never, once heard him play, or laugh or - anything. The baby on the other hand is a real crier. I suspect it has some 'issues' as the cries are like a much younger baby, and mum, when she spoke to me once, seemed off her face on drugs.

I asked my other neighbour - who works with 'damaged' kids - her opinion. She told me to ring social services anonymously, and do it now. So I did.

AIBU to have done this? Should I have done it sooner? Will the SS only turn up if these people are already on their radar? They are council tenants (as we are) and the council isn't too bothered and when I contacted them, I feel they didn't bother to contact the police or SS despite boasting about their 'multi agency approach'.

This man has already acted in a threatening manner and it will be obvious it was us, despite me reporting anonymously. AIBU to worry they will just think I am a busybody neighbour who is snobbish about her sweary, violent neighbours (the council employee responsible for disputes told me "It's social housing - what do you expect?")

I am worried nothing will happen as the child, on the rare occasion I have seen it - and we haven't seen the older one at all - it has been clean looking and nicely dressed. And yet we hear her constantly being screamed at, and in the vilest way.

Anyone here have a similar experience and - more importantly - what was the outcome? I can find old discussions about this but can't find what was the likely outcome.

Why on earth did you need to ask, of course you were. And you should have done it sooner

of course you were not being unreasonable.
yes you should have done it sooner - but better late than never.

you can also call the NSPCC and do it without the need to leave your details.

you know you have done the right thing - so stop worrying. too many people look the other way and then when the shit hits the fan they all start gossiping saying 'oh i heard this 'and 'i knew he was doing that'.....
not good enough.
you acted. good on you.
if nothing changes call the NSPCC too. or police if you think anyone is in immediate danger. 999 if its an emergency.
wish some one has interfered like this when my step father was breaking my fingers and knocking seven shades of shit out of me when i was just 7. even if its verbal abuse it needs addressing. if not and it worse then you may have saved those children from physical harm.

Yes thanks. I will call the NSPCC if I feel nothing is happening. I am worried there is no proof and the man will just fob them off, as he did the council, as the child I have seen looks well dressed, etc. We're hoping the SS can look deeper than the council could have (if they could have been arsed) as I find it hard to believe this middle aged, abusive man doesn't have DV form or some past record.

I think that I'd probably also ring the police and keep ringing ss and the police if nothing gets better.
Perhaps the man needs parenting classes/anger management etc and this can be helped by ss referral.
Perhaps they will speak to them and they will admit they need help, perhaps they won't but they may modify their behaviour due to a ss visit

You did the right thing

Fwiw I'd also complain about whatever idiot at the council said it's social housing what do you expect....

You have done exactly the right thing, don't worry about it. If by some miracle you are wrong well no harm done, it will be a thorough check and assessment of need. If you are right, well a family gets support, protection and significant monitoring. None of that is a bad thing. There is the smallest possibility that your neighbour will accuse you of making the call, ignore him, HE WILL NOT KNOW! Just look at him with a sideways head tilt and deny all knowledge. It is a common tactic and he will do it with all the neighbours. I have seen that happen many many times and this type of bully is best fronted up and ultimately ignored. Please don't be intimidated into doing nothing, whatever you do will make a difference. I wish you well, big hugs for having the balls to stand up for what is right, few do that these days.

Even if he is not hitting them, he shouldn't be shouting at a baby like that.

Yes, my view too. An 18 month old baby being screamed at, daily and told to shut up whenever it cries..? All this man's dysfunctional behaviour is around the child crying, and his perception that people opening and closing car doors outside, or us shutting doors in our house, wakes it up - he rushes to the widows and glares out at you, if you dare to use your car in the evenings. My feeling is, judging by the drugged up state of the mum - it probably has some sort of fetal drugs syndrome, and this bloke is simply not emotionally equipped to deal with it.

What I find almost more unsettling is the older child, that none of us neighbours has seen or heard. I only know he exists because the woman, when she was talking to us, told me about him. I guess he had this being abused every time he made a noise, thing so has now gone utterly silent. Another reason I thought I'd stop waiting for the council to contact SS and do it myself. I'm guessing SS can go straight to this older child's nursery and ask if they have any concerns about his behaviour. I can't believe the older child isn't already exhibiting some behaviours if he has lived for 4 years in a climate of fear...

"It's social housing - what do you expect?"

Wow! Do people really think that just because people live in social housing, they don't love their children?

You have done the right thing, please push until you see things being done!

I don't treat my DC like this just because I live in social housing and neither do most people! Abuse can happen anywhere and everywhere it happens is wrong!

You did the right thing in reporting. And and at the comment from the council employee, big complaint needed there.

You were right to do what you did, and I agree that a complaint should be made re:the employee who made the comment. I also agree it is disturbing you have never seen the older child. Poor kids.

You did the right thing. I would suggest you consider recording the shouting and swearing at the baby if possible. Then pass onto the p

Oops. Posted too soon

Pass in to the police any recordings you can make because the father will certainly not behave in such away on front of social services.

Those poor children. You have absolutely done the right thing

Poor kids. What a mess. You did the right thing.

We have a woman who lives on the road adjacent to us, I walk by her house on the way to the corner shop. She has a 2 and 5 year old (thereabouts) and I worry about them, she cannot cope with them. It's not a nice thing to weigh up.

I wouldn't tell the other neighbour you had done it. Its just IME some people can be right turncoats when it comes to stuff like this. YNBU by the way. They/he don't sound like they are coping well at all and hopefully will get the right support. I don't know if it has changed since when my DCs were young but it used to be the general consensus that if SS was rung. SS first port of call would be to ring their HV and see if they had any concerns. If they did they would follow it up. If not then they wouldn't. I had this advice of my own HV when a very nasty ex old friend was threatening to report me to everyone who would listen (I had PND).I'm sure someone from SS /Care etc will be along soon to confirm if this is still the case. You did the right thing OP and try not to be too scared of any repercussions. If the Dad has any sense about him he would know that acting aggressively won't help his cause.

You did the right thing. I have done the same. Nothing much happened as far as I am aware but maybe contact was enough to moderate her behaviour.

I would also complain about the social housing comment as he is basically saying social housing = rough scum and that is totally unacceptable.

I suspect the idiot at the council though you where moaning about hearing them through the walls rather than them being rough BUT all council staff have a duty to act on reports of abuse - complain

and well done for reporting x

I did the same with the woman who lives in the flat below. She screeches hysterically at her children-although the eldest (possibly 8) cops most of it. Unfortunately that is how I learned the little girls name.

The day after we bought DC3 home after giving birth, we heard her smacking the child several times (summer, open window, but we can hear it sometimes when it's not open). DH ran down the stairs and hammered on the door but they didn't answer (or stop shouting). That's when we phoned the second time.

They told us to call the police if it happened again, which I did. The police called to update me and said that there didn't seem to be any issues and that they'd been told it was the kids arguing-it bloody well was not

They said they would also contact SS. It has been a little better since then, but those children still get shouted at more times in a day than I can count.

Time to fill in the council's noise diary then, as that's the only way they will give us the recording device. Re the 'social housing' comment, I wanted to point out to the council employee that I have got 2 kids to university from 'social housing' and a third goes this year. One of my close relatives was a government adviser to the Labour government - he grew up in a council house.

I did say to the man "So you'd like your kids to hear 'fuck' and 'cunt' screamed into your living room, and that would be acceptable for your kids, would it?" But I felt by that point I'd be more likely to be written off as Hyacinth Bouquet and these kids won't be helped...

Apparently you have to activate the recording device yourself, whenever you hear a noise, so I may not be able to catch him screaming as it is always out of the blue. Utter silence for hours on end is only broken by screaming. I got the feeling the council employee thought "They're a bit rough and ready, and this woman is over-reacting" - but what I heard yesterday was not just a stressed out parent who is a bit sweary. And the previous neighbours who were there 20 years were more than a bit 'rough and ready' and we got on really well with them.

Talking of HVs, I suspect these kids don't even have one. When the woman first moved in, I told her where the nearest drs' surgery was so she could register, for the kids and from her reaction you could see it hadn't even crossed her mind. (They have moved here from 10 miles away).

My husband is out at work all day as are all the neighbours - everyone works except this man - so I am alone, in a remote place, with this very threatening man one door away who is going to know I called SS on him. I do feel vulnerable.

You don't need an official recording device, a phone or other type of recorder is fine

I wonder how long it is before they action it? We could only give em the people's address as no-one here even knows their names. They said as they're council tenants, they can contact the council today and ask them their names. I hope it sounded serious enough for them to act quickly?

You have done the right thing. Whether you should of done it sooner or not is neither here nor there. It has been done now.

YANBU. Yes, of course you've done the right thing, as many posters have stated. I also couldn't agree more that social housing does not automatically equal failure. As you say, it's often quite the opposite!
However, leave the details to SS. It won't help to make broad assumptions about whether the mother's 'drugged up' and whether they have a HV etc. Making deductions like this possibly put you in the same box as that council employee, though there's every possibility that you're right! Stick to the facts that you're sure of and carry on in the sensible way you're doing.
Good luck and keep reminding yourself that this was the right thing to do.

Cheers. Yes I did stick to facts. I mentioned the mum looked drugged up and they asked me if the baby cries a lot, so I figured the SS woman at the end of the phone was putting 2 and 2 together for herself... I didn't mention the woman saying she hadn't bothered to find a doctor yet (that in itself should have struck me as odd, now I think of it, as if I had a young baby and a 4 year old the first thing I'd do when I moved house would be find a drs - and I'm the sort of parent who after the first child, never bothered with HVs ever again).

I thought the psychology of it would be to just tell them flatly what we have heard, answer the qs they asked me directly, and hope they have enough info to join the dots as that way they'd be ore likely to act with urgency than if I was telling em what to think.

I just spoke to the council man again (he phoned me) and he says I have done the right thing, and the SS rang him this morning. The man is out now. I wonder when he'll find out that things are in motion.

Sounds like things are moving. Sound like you're handling things really well. Let us know how things go (if poss!).