to be really cheesed off by this?

[winkywinkola]

Dh working from home.

I give dcs their supper. Homemade meatballs, hidden veg sauce and orzo.

They eat it all but ds2 (aged 4) complains its spicy but wants more meatballs and sauce. Eh? He's not finished his orzo anyway.

Dh decides to give them all one of those tins of Peppa Pig pasta on top of what they've had.

Why? I feel like he completely undermines me by doing this. I gave them 4 large meatballs each. They had plenty of home cooked food, one child says it's too spicy and he gives them this shit stuff. Why? Isn't that just saying mum'a food isn't good enough, here you are have this instead.

I feel like he does this all the time to try and be Father Christmas dad. Lots of sweets, makes cakes every day for them (ready mix stuff which is fine) but not every day.

Everything I try and do I feel like is somehow not exciting enough and he will up the ante.

We can't work as a team in this way.

HE'S not compromising it seems to me because when OP expresses concerns to him he shuts her down and makes her feel petty with his "it's ONLY a can/cake/daily sweets!"

There's obviously more to this than just food issues, I'd start by seeing where you stand legally and taking it from there.

Sounds like your DH is showing love to the children with 'treat' food which may be how he was brought up?
You are obviously really angry about this, but is there maybe a thing in your upbringing that says 'mums are in charge of food'?
On the surface it doesn't seem like the kind of disagreement that's worth divorcing over, surely?

He needs to grow up. Who is the child and who the parent? He isn't thinking of the kids, only what makes him feel good. Good parenting is about establishing good habits and structure. You are right. He is undermining you. Ask him what he is actually trying to achieve and does he really think that what he is doing will serve his kids well in the future? As far as I can make out he is telling them that you are an idiot and it is ok to ignore you. He is telling them that short-term expediency and self-gratification wins out over thinking ahead and planning to get enough sleep to function properly the next day. But I wish you luck. There are some men who cannot take constructive criticism and will make out you are the one with the problem and employ all the usual deflective techniques of a passive aggressive...'lighten up', 'you don't have a sense of humour', 'you think too much', 'it's only a tin of xyz', 'they like it'. Don't let him put you down for trying your hardest while he can't be bothered to try to be a responsible parent at all.

It's been going on for years and years. It's been pissing me off for years and years. I've brought it up time and time again. It creates a me versus the rest of them environment.
I'm always the bad guy.

I know he works a lot and just wants to spoil them when he sees them but he can't just waltz in and undo all the slow but sure progress I'm making with the dcs' expectations and manners.

He says his intentions are never to undermine me. It's just to help. I told him to help by stacking the dishwasher, doing a couple of hours of ironing etc.

Anyway, I've explained all this to him yet again. I've printed off some information on how important it is to work together as parents.

I've told him if he doesn't stop then at the weekends he will be entirely responsible for all six meals. He blenched at that.

We shall see. If it goes on, I really think we shall have live separately simply because it's actually impossible to be happy and bring up happy, stable children in an environment where one parent is simply undoing all that the other parent does.

I didn't think such behaviour could have a big impact but it does because the children only really respond to the Father Christmas parent and play up the rest of the week.

Sigh.

Thank you for all your input. X

Give him enough rope OP! Let him take over the weekend cooking. I doubt he'll be as keen to give them junk food if he has had to cook a proper meal for them, and then he may get an idea of where you're coming from. Or book a spa trip away for the weekend and leave him with them.