To ask how late you would be before you let hosts know you were running late.

[drivingmisslazy]

Invited aunt round for dinner, she text me earlier and asked what time, I said 5, dinner 5.30. Its now almost 5.30 and have heard nothing and they not here.

I said to dh I would text if I am going to be more than 10/15 mins late, he said he would probably leave it a bit longer, just wondered what others would do.

I would text if I wasn't going to arrive on time, if it is local then this would be at least 10 mins before the time I was due. Anything more than 15 mins late without a good reason is rude IMO. Being late is my biggest pet hate though.

5 mins and I'd tell them as soon as I knew.
(I am anal about timekeeping)

I would have let you know by 5 if I was going to be later than 5.30.

As soon as I knew I was going to miss the deadline. But I'm neurotic, I'd be the maniac parked hidden around the corner for fifteen minutes before 5pm. Hate being late, it messes everyone else about.

Schmee wtaf it's considered polite to be 15 mind late to other people's houses . Not in mine or anyone I know's book it isn't!

If I was meeting someone at a cafe / bar / restaurant who'd be on their own I'd let them know if I'd be 5 minutes late. To someone's house I think it's more flexible but if you'd said when you were serving dinner I'd definitely let you know if I was going to be after that exec if I had to stop the car to text. If I knew from the time I set off I'd let you know more than 10 to 15 mins late.

When did she arrive?

if i couldn't make it by 5.15pm i'd let you know when i knew that

i.e. not at 5.15!

15 minutes. I think it's inappropriate to be on time for a social occasion like a dinner, unless the invitation says 'prompt'. To be early is rude. I reckon a few minutes late is about right, ten minutes tolerable, and fifteen minutes is pushing it. You should definitely tell the host (assuming you're able to) if you're going to be 15 minutes late or more.

Thanks, glad its not just me that hates lateness.

Yes they turned up at 5.30, 2 miles to travel, they decided to stop off and get something from the chemist. Both have mobiles could of let me know.

I did tell her to let me know next time as had to turn dinner down.

well 5.30 was the time you said you were serving dinner so in their eyes they probably thought they weren't late.

Dinner at 5.30? That's just after tea time!

I am the world's least organised human being, but I loathe being late and text/call as soon as I have even an inkling of being late. It's often the case that I'll say we'll be late but we miraculously make up the time and then arrive early.

That's a mega-British dilemma. Do we turn up too early and risk social death? Or hang around to be on time, or wait even longer to be fashionably late?

I think the extra 15 mins is to allow for the hosts to clear up/sort out any cooking mistakes etc and to make themselves presentable...IF they've had a minor disaster. Always allow for minor disasters....

Id text if I was going to be 5 mins late for meals etc.

Generally if I am invited over to someone 's and they say 'about/from x', I would phone/text with an ETA if I was going to be 30 mins or more from that time. In your circumstances, with fixed times I would have phoned by 5.15 to reassure you that I would be there by 5.30

I'd call or text as soon as I knew I was going to be 5 minutes late. Although with my friends, 15 - 20 mins late is the norm, which is fine. The most infuriating instance of lateness we have ever had was DP's brother and his wife, the night before they were due to go on their honeymoon. They had asked if they could stay with us, as we lived much closer to the airport and had secure parking where they could leave their car. They had asked DP to bring them to the airport. We arranged with them to have dinner and drinks in our house at 8pm. I made a lovely dinner (catering to all their fussiness). 8.30pm arrived, DP called them, they said that they would be arriving in a few minutes. Same at 9, then 9.30, then 10, etc. They finally arrived at almost midnight, with a pizza for themselves, didn't even acknowledge that I had cooked dinner for them, drank lots of the beer I had bought for us and went to bed. Then merrily let DP drive them to the airport at 6am without a word of thanks. Fuckers.

I'd call or text as soon as I knew I was going to be 5 minutes late. Although with my friends, 15 - 20 mins late is the norm, which is fine. The most infuriating instance of lateness we have ever had was DP's brother and his wife, the night before they were due to go on their honeymoon. They had asked if they could stay with us, as we lived much closer to the airport and had secure parking where they could leave their car. They had asked DP to bring them to the airport. We arranged with them to have dinner and drinks in our house at 8pm. I made a lovely dinner (catering to all their fussiness). 8.30pm arrived, DP called them, they said that they would be arriving in a few minutes. Same at 9, then 9.30, then 10, etc. They finally arrived at almost midnight, with a pizza for themselves, didn't even acknowledge that I had cooked dinner for them, drank lots of the beer I had bought for us and went to bed. Then merrily let DP drive them to the airport at 6am without a word of thanks. Fuckers.

Would text as soon as I realised I wouldn't make it by 5pm. Probably around 4.45pm. But I grew up with a perpetually 'late' parent, and it drives me to bloody distraction!

WTF is 'polite lateness'? How can lateness ever be polite?

I've never heard of 'polite lateness'. If I am going to be even one minute late, I'd text the hostess as soon as I knew I was running late. I'd also tell her not to feel any need to hold dinner for me.

I've had perpetually late relatives. I've always felt it's a subconscious need to show 'power' when it's a constant thing. We finally started telling them we were eating an hour before we actually expected to sit down to the table.

Would depend very much.
If I was driving then I don't use my phone at all, so I wouldn't unless there was somewhere safe to stop, and wasn't going to delay me more than the time it takes to send the message.
If I was coming a distance, then I would think up to 30 minutes, but if we had stopped earlier and were running late I would let them know then.
If it was a short journey and I started late, I'd text before I left.

It would also depend what and where. Someone waiting in their own home for no particular time scale, I would be less inclined to tell them than someone waiting outside soft play with 3 under 5s. .

If you'd said dinner at 5:30 I would expect to let you know if I was going to be late for that time, but I wouldn't have worried earlier than that.

I would text if I was going to be 10 minutes late or more. However, since the meal was not being served until 5.30 they probably didn't consider themselves late unless they were going to miss that. I think this is a misunderstanding, they probably thought they could arrive between 5 and 5.30.

Going to someone's house, anything more than 15 mins.
Meeting a group of friends in the pub, anything more than half an hour.
Meeting one friend at a restaurant or pub, anything more than 5 min.

Polite lateness gives the host a chance to recover from any little disasters.

I'm amazed that anyone thinks there is something called polite lateness!

Yes ok if i tell someone to come to my house at 7pm, then 7:15 is ok as its not always possible to be bang on time. But if someone actually aimed for 7:15, then unforeseen circumstances could easily become 7:30 or later and that is not ok.

I wouldn't expect a calls for 15 minutes if it was a home visit, but 15 minutes late if im meeting someone is rude, unless I'm informed (where possible so i can also adjust my arrival time), and/or there is a genuine reason for lateness, not just bad planning or not being bothered about the lateness.

Lateness as a habit suggests that your time is more valuable than the person you keep waiting and is just about as rude as you can get IMO.