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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by this woman?

28 replies

Anonfornow00 · 27/01/2014 12:59

I had DD at a mother and toddler group this morning and got chatting to some of the mums, general chit chat, where we were from etc.
Within the same conversation we were discussing how the recession has left so many men in particular unemployed and I was saying that my dad is a taxi driver and finding it very difficult. One lady, who I had been getting on great with said "Oh your father is a taxi driver AND you grew up in x area, well I'd never have guessed you came from such a working class background. Good on you!" and she patted my knee!!
THEN "Though, it's clear you had DD slightly younger than most" with a laugh and a jovial elbow!

The others seemed quite embarrassed but one or two made "agreeing, good on you" noises and enthusiastic nods.

What the actual fuck? I'm no use put on the spot like that so I foolishly muttered something along the lines of thanks!!!!

OP posts:
Lottiedoubtie · 27/01/2014 13:00

Yanbu! How rude!

Only1scoop · 27/01/2014 13:02

Ugh....just a reminder of those awful 'groups'
Yanbu....how utterly vile and with a condescending knee pat....eeeeuuuuHmm

CailinDana · 27/01/2014 13:03

God almighty! That's like some sort of comedy sketch!
Yanbu. What twats.

ZillionChocolate · 27/01/2014 13:03

Patronising cow! Forget about it.

Shellywelly1973 · 27/01/2014 13:05

I did have my first 2 dc young & whenever someone was rude enough to remark on it, I would reply by saying 'I just looked hood for my age' - with a totally straight face!

Take no notice if the snotty of moo!

everlong · 27/01/2014 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shellywelly1973 · 27/01/2014 13:06

Good not hood! Bloody phone.

Original poster
Anonfornow00 · 27/01/2014 13:06

I'm just so annoyed with myself for almost acting grateful for the "compliment"! When I was getting DDs coat on she was saying "you're a very lucky girl to have such a lovely mummy" and even that wound me up agh!!

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 27/01/2014 13:07

Wow, I'd have been speechless.

As an aside, not all toddler groups are like that. I used to run a toddler group and she'd have been quickly put in her place by many of the parents there.

Original poster
Anonfornow00 · 27/01/2014 13:07

Everlong I do actually think she thought she was being nice! I found it so offensive though.

OP posts:
Fancyashandy · 27/01/2014 13:08

I don't think she was paying you a compliment.

JimmyChooChoo · 27/01/2014 13:08

OP - looking back could you get the feeling she was jealous of you ?

Supercosy · 27/01/2014 13:09

Bloody hell what a snobby cow! Yanbu at all!

AskBasil · 27/01/2014 13:10

Sounds like she realised she'd been ridiculously patronising and tried to make up for it on the way out by payin you another compliment.

She's a woman who when she's in a hole, doesn't know how to stop digging. Grin

DoJo · 27/01/2014 14:05

I agree that she probably thought she was paying you a compliment, as though not being instantly recognisable as 'working class' is something to strive for! I'm guessing that the final comment was to try and mitigate how snobby she sounded, so there might be hope for her if she at least recognised how rude it was to pass comment on your background!

CailinDana · 27/01/2014 14:12

She wasn't being patronising she was being extremely incredibly rude. She basically said that because the OP's dad was a taxi driver and she was from a "wc" area one would expect her to be disagreeable in some way and being normal and nice was some sort of achievement! Thing is, her biggest mistake was vocalising an attitude that I find many people in the UK actually hold - that being "working class" is something shameful and that one should strive for "better."

Coumarin · 27/01/2014 14:51

Bitch. And clearly jealous of the fact you look younger than her.

Someone asked what my Dad did before retirement, I told them he used to be a miner. She gave me this Hmm and so 'oh!' I politely asked why was and she replied 'just surprised. I never would have thought it.' I did the Hmm face back. She's never met my DF so I presume she was meaning a similar thing to your 'friend'.

Coumarin · 27/01/2014 14:52

Sorry for the mistakes. Difficult posting using a phone.

AwfulMaureen · 27/01/2014 14:55

People never guess my background either OP....working class, parents who worked in factories etc and it winds me right up. I don't sound posh...I've just had a very good education. You could have said... "Oh well I thought you were rough as a bikers arse when I first met you...horsed for courses!"

TheListingAttic · 27/01/2014 14:58

"Yes, well, we all know class doesn't necessarily breed intelligence or even manners, don't we?"

matildamatilda · 27/01/2014 17:29

There's a woman in my gym who is like this. Extremely posh and aggressively patronising. I genuinely think she believes people are pleased to hear her appraisals of them.

Kubrickian · 27/01/2014 17:32

Did that really happen?

I don't mean to insinuate you're a liar but I only ever heard about middle/working class on mn - like it seems to get mentioned constantly in their everyday life.

No-one has ever called me or made reference to me being any sort of class.

diabolo · 27/01/2014 17:35

Your post is why I avoid most other women like the plague OP.

trilbydoll · 27/01/2014 17:36

I like the condescending pat best, like she is your finishing school teacher! How rude, I would have been equally speechless and then furious I hadn't thought of a comeback.

MirandaGoshawk · 27/01/2014 17:36

It's really annoying when you are so stumped by someone's cheek that you can't think what to say. Maybe you could have something prepared in case she again refers to your awful deprived background? I love the 'biker's arse' comment above!