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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated about a copy cat friend?

51 replies

pepperfish · 27/01/2014 10:36

I have this friend who, as far as I can see, goes out of her way to 'do one better' with practically everything in our lives.

For instance, when I told her DP had booked holiday and thought he might propose, I came back from said holiday, engaged and really looking forward to sharing it with her, to find she had also got engaged, and had told absolutely everyone we knew....

Roll on wedding time. I booked mine first. Hers had to be within the same fortnight, of course. I stopped talking to her about it because she made everything a competition... What she had booked, what it cost. When I once exclaimed I had had enough of wedding talk and was feeling quite stressed, suddenly so was she and, oh! would everyone stop talking about it already! There were even days taken off work for 'stress'.

There are other, small things too. Like, she overheard me saying to another friend about a TV show DH and I were into, and then the next day there's a post on FB about how she can't wait to get home and watch said program because her and her DH are obsessed...

I could go on...

Our other mutual friends have noticed, and at the start I never let it bother me before, but it's all starting to get me down. DH says just ignore her. I don't know that I can.

Anyone else have a friend like this? What do you do about it? I'm scared to confront her incase I just come across as paranoid and pathetic.

OP posts:
HazleNutt · 27/01/2014 10:39

It does not sound like you enjoy her company that much. Do you? if not, solution is easy - drop the friendship. Life is too short to voluntarily spend it with irritating people.

Original poster
pepperfish · 27/01/2014 11:03

Not so much anymore, no. I feel constantly on edge around her. She has lied to me many times as well. I guess I've just known her so long, there's still a hope there that she'll stop.

OP posts:
5HundredUsernamesLater · 27/01/2014 11:09

Tell her you are emigrating to the other side of the world and when she rushes to get there first tell her you've changed your mind Wink

JimmyChooChoo · 27/01/2014 11:09

Keep her at arms length and always 'be busy' .

Think maybe this friendship has run it's course.

Fwiw I think she sounds insecure

Leeds2 · 27/01/2014 11:10

I think I would be tempted to tell her stuff that wasn't true, wait for her to act on it and then do what I actually wanted to.

WidowWadman · 27/01/2014 11:16

I'm intrigued how she got her fiance to pop the question just so she could copy you? Confused What is a sufficient interval between your and her nuptials?

And she likes the same (assumingly) popular TV show? How dare she? With behaviour like that, one could almost think that TV series were designed to appeal to a wide audience, rather than being niche and personal things to be liked by only selected few.

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 27/01/2014 11:19

Widow I agree. Rather amusing - do you honestly think she engineered a proposal to beat you? Can't you be happy for her rather than trying to see a sinister side?

Chippednailvarnish · 27/01/2014 11:20

She's not your friend, she's your frenemy.

Tell her your going to have a Jordanesque boob job...

itsnotthateasy · 27/01/2014 11:21

5Hundredusernameslater ,

Good Idea

Grin Grin

dingalong · 27/01/2014 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 27/01/2014 11:25

5HundredUsernamesLater I love that idea!

Original poster
pepperfish · 27/01/2014 11:28

No, I'm not suggesting that she 'made' her fiancé propose. But I don't know, perhaps if the situation had been the other way around I might have perhaps waited to let my friend have her moment? Then maybe told her in person? And HomeIsWhereTheGinIs - I was happy for her. I have always tried to be happy for her. But it's wearing a bit thin, hence my post.

Widow - fair point. But I did say it was a small thing. I was attempting to illustrate that it's not just the big life events. Because let's face it, I'm 27 and everyone is getting married.

OP posts:
Biedronka · 27/01/2014 11:31

I have done what Leeds suggests :)

A former friend used to copy everything - colour schemes, furniture, my clothes, make up, the DC's clothes/shoes, what we had for dinner.
I got sick of it and one day while in Town told her I was painting my bathroom brown, a few different shades (I was in fact doing my dining room but failed to tell her that) so she went and bought the paint and promptly painted her own bathroom. It looked like a shit explosion Wink
When she showed me, thinking she was great as she'd completed hers first, I told her that I'd only said it to see if she would, yet again, copy.
It cooled our friendship as I took the opportunity to tell her I was fed up with it all and it was rather childish.

Original poster
pepperfish · 27/01/2014 11:32

Dingalong - love it! Maybe I might consider a tattoo. The bigger the better? And the baby name thing? That's happened too...

OP posts:
Justholdthesmile · 27/01/2014 11:34

I'm also confused about the proposal? I'm assuming her partner was the one to propose and I don't think many men could be pressured into proposing because their girlfriends friend thinks she might be getting engaged?

And she told everyone? Yes when people have happy news they tend to tell most people.

Also (I'm assuming her partner has FB) if my DP tagged me in a status saying can't wait to watch the next episode of show (we'd never ever seen) because we were obsessed - I'd think he was a little bit of a weirdo.

I'm not going to say you're BU but I think you might be over-thinking it and thinking every thing she does is because she's copying you. Just keep your distance and don't go into detail about things that are important to you - such as wedding/honeymoon ideas.

Whatisaweekend · 27/01/2014 11:36

Biedronkathats hilarious!! Well done!

OP - have some fun and do the same. Turd brown bridesmaids? No 1 buzz cut to perch your tiara on?!!

givemeaclue · 27/01/2014 11:43

You can have no end of fun with this op, some great ideas on this thread

Megglevache · 27/01/2014 11:48

Yes have had many an acquaintance like this over the years which is bizarre given, I'd not want to look like me, dress like me and think my taste is rather questionable. Grin

I've always gotten to the point where it's too much then I just distance myself. They say its a compliment Hmm

Don't waste any time trying to outwit etc...it just takes up too much energy Grin
although secretly loving some suggestions here....

WidowWadman · 27/01/2014 11:52

"But I don't know, perhaps if the situation had been the other way around I might have perhaps waited to let my friend have her moment?"

Huh? So she should have waited for you to come back from holiday, to see whether you really did get your proposal, and then let you have your moment, and forget about your own, because, er, why?

Are you 15?

myitchybeaver · 27/01/2014 11:59

God this is so annoying isn't it?

I suspect the people on this thread who are questioning you are secret copiers Grin

My mum is the worst of all. She copies every single thing. Phone, gadgets, furniture, shoes, clothes, make-up - everything.

She visited me a couple of years back and walked in to my kitchen and saw I had a new kitchen bin. She couldn't conceal her jealousy, asked where I had bought it and made her excuses and left. Within the hour she was phoning me from the store - "They don't sell them here????"

Really?...I could have SWORN I bought it there... Smile

Try giving faulty information, I do it all the time now.

Original poster
pepperfish · 27/01/2014 12:01

Nope, I'm 27. I would see it as being a good friend. Personally if it were the other way around and she'd come back from her holiday without being asked, I'd have regretted shooting my mouth off about my own so speedily. That's all.

OP posts:
Pigeonhouse · 27/01/2014 12:05

To be honest, this sounds like those threads I have always thought were completely mad, where someone is throwing a fit about how someone chose their first wedding anniversary or their daughter's birthday to get married on, and how it's just not fair to take away the Unique Specialness of Someone Else's Day.

Honestly, OP, you think she should have postponed her engagement, or announcing her engagement, because you told her you might be getting a proposal on holiday and wanted to pre-book the spotlight for when you came home???

And I hate to break it to you, but an awful lot of people get married. They do it all the time. Some of them get divorced and do it several times. Sure, you get to be excited, but, other than your closest circle, the most other people are going to feel is mildly pleased for you. They will just have been mildly pleased for both of you.

Pigeonhouse · 27/01/2014 12:08

But OP, you did get engaged on holiday, right? So it's not that you came home miserably ringless and she was waltzing about the centre of town waving her diamond solitaire at the winos and merrily rubbing your face in it...?

OpalQuartz · 27/01/2014 12:09

I agree re feeding her false information. On another similar thread someone suggested telling her you are putting a poem in the wedding invitations with a poem, requesting money in rhyming couplets. Grin

SlimJiminy · 27/01/2014 12:09

I agree that it's annoying to be copied. But I think you're being unreasonable expecting to keep her engagement to herself until you were back from your holiday.

Re: dealing with it - great suggestions here about making up fake 'plans' tattoos = brilliant! Ha! And definitely ponder over a wedding colour scheme you HATE to avoid similarities there too.

FWIW copying is all about her insecurities. You should feel sorry for her.