Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

insensitive or am I oversensite?

28 replies

prettywoman78 · 26/01/2014 21:11

So I lost both my mum and dad in the last 10 years. My dad never got to meet our children and my mum only met ds1.
My dh's brother and his wife have just had their first child. We visited yesterday. She is adorable and of course mil is thrilled. Lots of photos were taken.
Dh posted one of our two dc and their new cousin. He tagged me in it and posted it as mum's grandchildren.
Deep down I know I am being oversensitive but it did hurt seeing it.
Aibu

OP posts:
ShoeSmacking · 26/01/2014 21:14

I'm really sorry for your loss and the hurt you feel but yes, yab over sensitive. Your dh's mum has 3 grandchildren and his family arw thrilled. I wish it wasn't so hard but it is.

Pimpf · 26/01/2014 21:16

What do you expect him to put?

Poppylovescheese · 26/01/2014 21:16

YABU

Original poster
prettywoman78 · 26/01/2014 21:16

Meant to say both my parent's anniversaries are next month and my dad's birthday would have been 2 days ago. I guess it's just bad timing.
Thank you for reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
prettywoman78 · 26/01/2014 21:17

Something like all cousins together maybe.

OP posts:
Mia4 · 26/01/2014 21:19

Bad timing for you to have to see that but not insensitive of him.

scarffiend · 26/01/2014 21:19

I don't think YABU - of course it still hurts, it always will. But I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Your MIL is allowed the thrill of seeing her grandchildren together without feeling guilty. Maybe say to your husband that you're upset and ask him not to phrase things in that way again. I'm sorry you're hurting.

Original poster
prettywoman78 · 26/01/2014 21:21

No malice towards mil of course. I just wish dh would get that it is tough for me.

OP posts:
Topaz25 · 26/01/2014 21:22

Sorry but I think you are being over sensitive. Your DC are your MIL's grandchildren, is your DH never supposed to say that to avoid upsetting you? The sad loss of your parents doesn't mean that the other relationships in your DC lives shouldn't be celebrated.

Original poster
prettywoman78 · 26/01/2014 21:23

He barely mentioned my loss but keeps going on about various people in the public eye who have died or are dying.

OP posts:
Original poster
prettywoman78 · 26/01/2014 21:24

Also would never mention it as of course I want dh to enjoy being an uncle and mil to celebrate birth of her 1st granddaughter.

OP posts:
Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 26/01/2014 21:24

Oh it is gutting.

I don't think he did anything wrong though. Thanks

RandomMess · 26/01/2014 21:24

So perhaps you need to tell him explicity you need support at the moment as it's a very raw time of year for you?

Topaz25 · 26/01/2014 21:25

Crossposted with the info about the anniversaries coming up. That is bad timing and he should be more understanding. I'm sure he was just excited about the new arrival and didn't intend to upset you. I wouldn't bring it up directly but would let him know you are feeling emotional about the anniversaries coming up so he can be more sensitive.

tinypumpkin · 26/01/2014 21:31

I am sorry prettywoman Thanks Grief is so tough and it's impossible to explain how much these things can mean. My situation is different (we lost DD1) but I do understand (as best I can) why it was so difficult for you to see that post by your DH. It's hard to appreciate sometimes that others cannot see what is so obvious and heart wrenching to us.

Can you talk to him and explain?

sunshinesue · 26/01/2014 21:32

I'm so sorry. Things hurt that shouldn't and even the kindest people don't anticipate that. X

sunshinesue · 26/01/2014 21:34

My post was clumsy, tinypupkin puts it far better

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 26/01/2014 21:34

He didn't do anything wrong, but neither did you. Of course you feel hurt, I don't think yabu to feel sad about it. I lost my mum a few years ago and when people talk about Mother's Day, their mums birthday etc I feel down.

I know how you feel op Thanks

FudgefaceMcZ · 26/01/2014 21:35

I think oversensitive, but understandably. Maybe stay off facebook and places (or unfollow people who may post things which inadvertently remind you of your loss) for a bit, until the anniversaries have passed? Also remind DH of the anniversary and ask for support, it may be that he is just not aware that it is the time. Sorry you are having to deal with thsi :(

ashtrayheart · 26/01/2014 21:35

Yanbu to be upset. Thanks

tinypumpkin · 26/01/2014 21:38

Sunshine, your post was not clumsy at all. It made perfect sense to me.

Original poster
prettywoman78 · 26/01/2014 21:44

Sorry for your loss tiny. Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
prettywoman78 · 26/01/2014 21:46

The thing is I am also excited about it. So lovely for everyone ans she is do scrummy.

OP posts:
Original poster
prettywoman78 · 26/01/2014 21:50

My toddler has just woken up. Off to give him a big cuddle.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/01/2014 21:52

You can be excited and happy and very sad and wistful all at the same time. Once you've had a cuddle with your toddler have one with your dh. Tell him you wish your parents were there in a photo with both of your dc.

Hugs