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AIBU?

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Original poster

To buy more birthday presents for dd?

36 replies

Dancergirl · 26/01/2014 12:34

Dh and I are differing in our views about this.

Dd2 is nearly 11, dh thinks she should only have one present from us, with maybe a couple of small things from her sisters.

We have already bought her a main present which is a bracelet which was quite expensive (over £100). But I would still like buy her something else from her list such as some lego. My reasoning:

-We have a very small extended family so she doesn't get loads from family members.

-My mum has problems and hasn't seen us for some time. She didn't buy Xmas presents for our dds and I doubt she will buy anything for dd's birthday.

-I enjoy buying toys while they're still young enough to enjoy them!

-We could afford to buy her something else.

Dh thinks we will spoil her, but I think it's not spoiling if you WANT to buy them things without them nagging for them. She's not a spoilt child at all, she's very sweet and appreciative.

Reading this back makes me sound grabby, it wasn't meant to sound like that at all. I'm not blaming my mum, she's getting on and has her own problems. Maybe I should buy her something else and say it's from her?

OP posts:
Lilicat1013 · 26/01/2014 12:36

I would do it, make if from you though not your mother has that could cause problems is she brings it up with her grandmother.
It is nice for her to still have toys while she is young enough to enjoy them.

Starballbunny · 26/01/2014 12:37

Lego definitely, it's the last year she'll appreciate toys. DD2 got her last playmobil the Christmas just before she was 12.

frugalfuzzpig · 26/01/2014 12:45

This may be the last year she even wants toys, so yes I would get some lego!

Thetallesttower · 26/01/2014 12:47

If you can afford it, go for it. I don't think two things will make her spoilt if she is normally appreciative-one thing I love about my dd's is that they are really accepting of any present, even if it is not costly or a big thing, especially as money is tight. I think treating now and again, if you can afford it is lovely.

Thetallesttower · 26/01/2014 12:49

Why not get something and say to her 'I know grannys out of action at the moment and that's sad, I've got you a little something extra'- so not directly giving her the gift from your mum (unless your mum would like that) but acknowledging that it is difficult if you don't get presents any more from someone you used to.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 26/01/2014 13:04

As an ex poor student who struggled to eat on somedays, I would strongly encourage you to save for your daughter. So any money you are thinking of buying additional gifts with, invest in her future with by buying premium bonds, ISA or savings account. My parents didn't do this and there were times when life was financially hard for me as a student.

£100 to spend on a birthday gift on an 11 yr old so soon after Christmas is incredibly generous. Do say to her that you have bought her a generous single gift but the rest are cash gifts for her for when she turns
18.

www.nsandi.com/savings-premium-bonds

I have done this with my own kids, I spend no more than £30 on a gift but bank the rest.

DameDeepRedBetty · 26/01/2014 13:08

How close a birthday is to Christmas should have nothing to do with how much you spend MsAsprey. We're in Birthday Season now in BettyLand, two last Wednesday, another yesterday, and there'll be three in the next ten days including my own.

MegBusset · 26/01/2014 13:10

Aw, I would get her the lego too :)

Nanny0gg · 26/01/2014 13:53

£100 to spend on a birthday gift on an 11 yr old so soon after Christmas is incredibly generous.

So would it be okay if her birthday was in June? The date isn't her fault?

Does she actually want a £100 bracelet, OP? That's a lot of money for jewellery for an 11 year-old.

I think she should have the Lego too. (And a book!)

Dontletthemgetyoudown · 26/01/2014 13:57

Lego as well. Doesn't have to be a large set. £20-30 would get a good sized set for her to build. I'm assuming she's been asking for the bracelet otherwise it's a lot for something she might not want. Dd is 8 in March and has been asking for a pandora or troll beads I've said she needs to wait until she's 10.

Dontletthemgetyoudown · 26/01/2014 13:59

Ds2 turns 12 on Friday. He would like a laptop but it's over budget so he's getting cash from relatives and me, but I have brought him a couple of small thing book, infantry men for his air fix and some superdry pants.

blackandwhiteandredallover · 26/01/2014 14:10

I'm just Shock at a £100 bracelet for an 11yo! If that is what she asked for then I would not be getting her anything else and would explain why. If the expensive bracelet was your choice, then I would get her something little to play with too.

Original poster
Dancergirl · 26/01/2014 14:27

Yes it was expensive but she chose it herself. She's been looking at them for a few years so it wasnt just a whim. It's Pandora, yes I know they're expensive but just got a few charms and she can add to it over the years. I would rather spend more money on something she really wants than a lesser amount on something she's half hearted about.

OP posts:
Dontletthemgetyoudown · 26/01/2014 15:00

It's lovely as a keepsake. I have one that just has charms that the dc have brought on it. If that's what she's asked for she'll love it. I'd still buy the lego as well Wink

ImperialBlether · 26/01/2014 15:03

I love that she's at an age where she likes both Lego and bracelets.

I'd buy her the Lego on the grounds that there won't be many more years where she'll want that. And because she sounds lovely and you can afford it.

Nanny0gg · 26/01/2014 16:39

Horses for courses!

That bracelet would have been an 18th present back in the day...

Grin
FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 26/01/2014 17:21

I love giving a few small things too .

Like a novelty or practical joke gift.

Or a lava lamp, a nice book, a smelly pen (Snifty).

Imo they often love those kind of (cheapish) gifts! A bracelet is not exciting enough imo.

shebird · 26/01/2014 17:26

You don't have to spend a fortune on a huge Lego set and it is nice that she has asked for something to play with rather than an iPad or a tablet. If you can afford it then ukulele should get it as a substitute present from grandma.

mrsjay · 26/01/2014 17:27

no i wouldnt spend anymore money on her I know you want to and if you do then it is no big deal but it isn't something i would do really and yes an expensive bracelet would be a special birthday present not a 11th Grin

CoffeeTea103 · 26/01/2014 17:27

You seem to be fixated on a gift as compensation for your mums behaviour, not receiving many gifts from family members, etc.
I agree with your DH. Why do you think gifts will make up for all of the reasons you have given.

shebird · 26/01/2014 17:28

Ukulele?? Blame the iPad....you

mrsjay · 26/01/2014 17:29

my dds dont have a huge family so dont get many gifts I actually agree with your husband too

LoreleisSecret · 26/01/2014 17:33

Get her the Lego!

gamerchick · 26/01/2014 17:37

I would in a minute. If you want to then crack on.

It's not long before they don't want toys.

mrsjay · 26/01/2014 17:41

oh FWIW when i said I agree i dont agree it is spoiling her as such just you are trying to make up lack of gifts i don't think stuff and things spoil children at all it is their attitude to stuff and things that make them spoiled,

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