Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to prefer not to receive parenting advice from shop assistants/strangers?

43 replies

Scarfjoint · 25/01/2014 18:15

Went out with my three year old twins, who both suddenly wanted carrying, and started kicking off. We were heading for the tills anyway but I was gently coaxing them along , trying not to panic - it was loud!
Then a woman shop assistant said at the TOP of her voice "Someone needs to go home!" I wasn't sure who she was speaking to, but she was standing alone packing a shelf. Then she said it again, looking at my twins!
I said "thankyou for your advice" but she didn't even look at me, got down to their level and said "you have to go home if you can't behave! You need a sleep!" So predictably they kicked off even more! I hurried as fast as was possible to the till, and was furious! No one wanted them to be quiet more than me, and they weren't tired, they were just fed up, and being, well, three!
I know she was probably fed up listening to them but I wonder what else she thought I could do!

So I complained about her attitude to the manager at the till, who gave then twins some sweets! (Instant silence!)
Another shopper came over and said she had heard the shop assistant and that she's been rude to her too! And she said that when her 12 week old baby was crying, ratty shop assistant said "is that baby bottle fed or breastfed, because I needs feeding, and if you want to feed him I'll ask the manager can you go in the staff room to feed him. I'm not listening to that!"

I hope I'm not unreasonable in hoping she gets some robust feedback!

OP posts:

Joules68 · 25/01/2014 18:22

You can't win..... Another mother would complain they were given 'sweets'!

PacificDogwood · 25/01/2014 18:26

YANBU.
And she does sound a bit... abrupt.

But now you are a mother you are public property and all your parenting choices will come under scrutiny from all and sundry from time to time .
Find a way to let it wash over you, smile serenely and sail on.
Easier said than done, I know.

Personally, I avoid shopping with my lot like the plague. Which means I don't shop. Full stop. Online shopping for groceries and clothes. Or late night shopping when I CBA and DH is in.

Sympathies .

Iamavapernow · 25/01/2014 18:30

I woulda told her to fuck off.

LindyHemming · 25/01/2014 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pixel · 25/01/2014 18:34

Well she might have been a bit blunt but I'd think it made a nice change if someone offered the staffroom to BF in rather than expecting mums to feed in the toilets or something, so if I was that other woman I'd have just smiled sweetly and said thanks. Got to encourage that sort of thing even if said stroppily!

I'm sure it was stressful for you OP having two grumpy children in the shop, I just can't help wondering if any overtired small child has ever responded well to 'you need a sleep'

FunkyBoldRibena · 25/01/2014 18:53

'Somebody needs to go home'

'And somebody needs to carry on stacking shelves and keep their noodle out'

'Aah bless you, you'd make a superb grand/parent. Everyone knows that 3 yr olds respond best to highly strung strangers shouting at them. Well done'.

PacificDogwood · 25/01/2014 19:01

Oh, I like the 'Somebody needs to carry on stacking shelves one'

Beamur · 25/01/2014 19:04

The other side to this complaint is when parents threaten their kids with the shop assistant being cross with them if they don't behave
Whilst she may have been a bit rude about it, with the feeding comment she was actually offering to give the woman somewhere she could take her child to feed...

queenofthepirates · 25/01/2014 19:05

She may have been unaware of how she comes across, cut her some slack eh?

IamInvisible · 25/01/2014 19:07

I can't believe you complained about that, tbh.

I would have just nodded and said 'I know!' and carried on about my business.

TamerB · 25/01/2014 19:17

I can't see why you would get upset, nod and ignore- and instantly forget.

Joules68 · 25/01/2014 19:30

Shop workers can't win either way.

Parents seem to come out when in shops snd indulge their little darlings. Other shoppers can sometimes be seen visibly cringing at some behaviour

Original poster

Scarfjoint · 25/01/2014 19:50

Re the breastfeeding thing, it wasn't a "let me support you in your feeding your child", it was more "shut that kid up, I don't want to hear it!" according to the mum concerned! Some people are just so rude.
Having twins, we get a lot of "hands full/double trouble" comments, all well meaning, but this was really aggressive, at the top of her voice and passively at me. And my children weren't tired - far from it.
If she'd left it when I said "thanks for the advice" then fine, but she carried on, in their faces!

OP posts:

Original poster

Scarfjoint · 25/01/2014 19:53

*Joules68 Sat 25-Jan-14 19:30:17
Shop workers can't win either way.

Parents seem to come out when in shops snd indulge their little darlings. Other shoppers can sometimes be seen visibly cringing at some behaviour*

Yes she could "win'. She could have just said nothing. Two stereo screaming three year olds hanging off your limbs is a special kind of stress.

OP posts:

coco44 · 25/01/2014 19:53

ye gods! she wasn't judging you or (god forbid!) advising you.It is just a throwaway thing people say when children cry ' someone's ready for bed' , 'someone's hungry' etc and she was trying to help you by speaking to your twins.
I know you were embarassed by your DC's tantrums, and it must be hard with twins, but blimey! the manager must have thought you were a right one!!

Original poster

Scarfjoint · 25/01/2014 19:59

"ye gods! she wasn't judging you or (god forbid!) advising you.It is just a throwaway thing people say when children cry ' someone's ready for bed' , 'someone's hungry' etc and she was trying to help you by speaking to your twins."

Well, perhaps you had to be there...
She totally totally was being mega rude. She didn't say it in a compatriot sort of way, the first time was from two bloody aisles away and I wasn't even sure it was directed at me, until she was in their faces! Some people really ARE that rude! It happens!
And as I said in the OP, another shopper had heard, and came over when I was talking to the manager to agree!

OP posts:

IamInvisible · 25/01/2014 19:59

Getting down to their level, as per your OP and being in their faces as you now claim are two totally different things!

Original poster

Scarfjoint · 25/01/2014 20:02

When you're three, and screaming, and it's a stranger, it's exactly the same thing.
She could have, you know, carried on with her job.

OP posts:

IamInvisible · 25/01/2014 20:08

So you've changed the story from "got down to their level and said" as per the OP to

"Being in their faces and screaming"

Right oh!

elliejjtiny · 25/01/2014 20:10

YANBU. I'm fed up with random strangers telling me that my children are too hot or too cold. I've got 4 boys so frequently get people I don't know giving me advice on how to have a girl next time eg "you need to get your fella some tighter pants, love". People follow us round shops asking me why DS2 is in a wheelchair.

Original poster

Scarfjoint · 25/01/2014 20:11

No, the twins were screaming, not the woman. She was in their faces telling them they would to behave or leave. Loudly. Without even looking at me. When she could have just kept her mouth shut and carried on working.

OP posts:

Original poster

Scarfjoint · 25/01/2014 20:12

elliejjtiny they must be trying to help you

OP posts:

hazeyjane · 25/01/2014 20:14

YANBU she sounds very rude.

adoptmama · 25/01/2014 20:15

i would say yes

after all you are looking for advice on whether or not you are unreasonable from complete strangers on the internet......

greenbananas · 25/01/2014 21:48

She was rude when you were dealing with a stressful tantrum. No wonder you were upset.

Now lots of other people are going to be rude to you and tell you that yabu.. It's not going to help Have a nice big glass of gin and tonic or something and put it behind you. It has taken me years to ignore the comments people in shops make when they think you are doing something wrong with your parenting.

My favorite shop- tantrum experience is when my tired and cranky 4 year old ds threw himself on the floor in a shop and absolutely screamed the place down because of something completely trivial. It was mortifying. I had his 3 week old little brother in a sling, and was so knackered and so fed up that I couldn't be bothered to argue, so I said "I'll just wait here until you are ready to be sensible" and stood next to him, waiting for it to stop. It took AGES! Some people were tutting and giving me black looks, but about four or five other mums came over one by one and asked if there was anything to do to help me. One old granny told me I was right to be so calm and said "don't worry, we have all been there".

I'm so sorry you met a rude person today. Hopefully there will be some nicer people around if your twins ever do this again.

Flip

1 2