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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to prefer not to receive parenting advice from shop assistants/strangers?

43 replies

Scarfjoint · 25/01/2014 18:15

Went out with my three year old twins, who both suddenly wanted carrying, and started kicking off. We were heading for the tills anyway but I was gently coaxing them along , trying not to panic - it was loud!
Then a woman shop assistant said at the TOP of her voice "Someone needs to go home!" I wasn't sure who she was speaking to, but she was standing alone packing a shelf. Then she said it again, looking at my twins!
I said "thankyou for your advice" but she didn't even look at me, got down to their level and said "you have to go home if you can't behave! You need a sleep!" So predictably they kicked off even more! I hurried as fast as was possible to the till, and was furious! No one wanted them to be quiet more than me, and they weren't tired, they were just fed up, and being, well, three!
I know she was probably fed up listening to them but I wonder what else she thought I could do!

So I complained about her attitude to the manager at the till, who gave then twins some sweets! (Instant silence!)
Another shopper came over and said she had heard the shop assistant and that she's been rude to her too! And she said that when her 12 week old baby was crying, ratty shop assistant said "is that baby bottle fed or breastfed, because I needs feeding, and if you want to feed him I'll ask the manager can you go in the staff room to feed him. I'm not listening to that!"

I hope I'm not unreasonable in hoping she gets some robust feedback!

OP posts:

Innogen · 25/01/2014 21:54

She was right though, your screaming kids did want to go home.

Harrin · 25/01/2014 22:06

I can relate to the post about threatening the child with the shop worker being cross with them. People say this all the time and look at you expectantly but really I couldn't give a toss. The only time I say something is if the child is in danger of hurting themselves. Can't win either way!

aquashiv · 25/01/2014 22:15

A lady in the park told me on Friday that one of my 7 year old twins was taking a risk up climbing that tree. Yep she was right but he climbed the tree and got down just fine. I have learnt the art of just rising above it really.

Lulu1083 · 25/01/2014 22:17

innogen she didn't say they wanted to go home, she said they'd have to go home if they didn't behave. Which is ridiculous as I've never heard of a parent being asked to leave a store because their child was having a tantrum.

Kids always want to go home, but it doesn't work like that, as they would be screaming much louder when there wasn't any milk for their cereal or bread for their lunch!

OP, I don't think yabnu, that shop assistant sounds like a right grouch, who needs a customer service refresher course!

Lulu1083 · 25/01/2014 22:18

*I don't think yabu

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/01/2014 22:19

Yanbu.

That's not normal behaviour.

Sympathetic look/comment to you as the mum maybe, shooting at upset toddlers, not so much.

Innogen · 25/01/2014 22:58

Lulu, the OP said it herself - the kids were crying because they'd been there a long time and were getting restless. The shop assistant was right in noticing that.

Amy106 · 25/01/2014 23:06

OP, you are not unreasonable to expect the shop assistant to mind their own business on this. It is embarrassing enough to have to deal with a public meltdown without some random stranger giving you "advice". I am sorry that happened to you. You deserve , and after that!

Lulu1083 · 25/01/2014 23:19

Innogen no the OP said the twins had had enough, I can't find any mention of how long they'd been there, please do point it out if I've missed it!

Still, what the shop worker basically said to the children was if they don't stop crying they'd have to go, which, as it was what they wanted, isn't going to stop them crying is it?

LEMmingaround · 25/01/2014 23:22

I would have said "and somebody needs to fuck the fuck off!" rude cow - i hope she got suitably bollocked, which i suspect they would have if someone else complained.

Wuxiapian · 25/01/2014 23:30

Would that really have been your response, LEM?

MrsCosmopilite · 25/01/2014 23:44

I'd have said "Somebody needs to mind their own business", but then again, I'm rude like that. :)

My DD has just turned 3, going on 13 and can go from delightful angel to full on tantrumming ratbag in 2 seconds. Today she had a tantrum on the doorstep in the rain because it was raining and I was trying to open the door. I couldn't do it quickly because I was trying to stop her throwing herself off the doorstep (18 inches high, and concrete) onto the path (also concrete). Thankfully nobody was around to offer advice, otherwise they'd have found themselves taking their head home in a bag.

TokenGirl1 · 26/01/2014 00:17

A shop assistant really annoyed me last week. My three year old was sat quietly in the trolley. He helped me load the shopping at one end and was all poised with a bag ready to help pack at the other end.

As she was scanning my shopping she said "is he a good boy?" and I said "yes, he is very good". Then she said "well he can't be that good. He's far too big to be sitting in that trolley, he should be walking".

I was so cross. He was bothering no one and I find it much easier having him in the trolley otherwise he could be wandering off somewhere while I'm distracted. She backed down when I said 'he's only three and he's being a very good boy". I wouldn't mind if get was running around creating havoc but he couldn't have been more helpful if he tried! We really enjoy doing shopping trips together, looking at the aisle numbers and having him try to remember what we need to buy.

LEMmingaround · 26/01/2014 00:19

Absolutely Wux - i pride myself on being extremely polite and nice but if someone is rude to me, they are going to get rude back.

TokenGirl1 · 26/01/2014 00:19

Oh and yes, my three year old is prone to tantrums when hungry or tired. It's not easy when you feel people are judging you when you have little control of such tantrums once they start.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 26/01/2014 00:24

dp told me once that while i was work, he was out with ds1 who was 1 at the time, that a woman had pondered to herself out loud, "why is he with the father and not the mother..."

some people are just incapable of keeping their noses out. if you can't hack crying children, don't work in a place where you will frequently encounter them.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 26/01/2014 00:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyBaby1day · 26/01/2014 04:45

If she was just ignorant and said it in a normal tone o.k. but saying it LOUD and in their faces no. I am half Asian and when I was little (even now as I look super young for my age) people used to say "don't they have nice hair"!! with an ungenuine smile. Not exactly parenting advice I know but it got a bit annoying. I now try and enjoy the attention. Try and put it down to her ignorance OP, bet the twins are too cute!

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