Christmas present and s.I.l

[HuntingforBunting]

I just wondered what the majority felt the point of a Christmas present is and weather I am being unreasonable. Is it giving something you think the recipient will like even if you yourself are not that keen, or is it giving something you would like to give even if the person is not very interested? My sister in law comments on my lack of core muscles around my tummy which I try not to take too personally as it is true, I am more of an apple shape but I always have been. I have also had some back trouble since ds. For Christmas she said she would pay for one session with her physio, about 100 miles from where I live. This physio session would help me to exercise my core muscles properly, she says. My mother in law said that her Christmas present to me was the follow up session. I have no wish to travel to do this, and don't particularly want a physio session. Nothing has been mentioned since, so I asked.dh what to do. He said I needed to ask for the money and then do it. I'm a bit agog, especially as sil this year asked outright for what she wanted and I gave her the money immediately as she said she wanted to pick them out.

Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't really the spirit of giving?

Well, questions in order since my last post: dh to his credit does well to be as nice as he is to her because she is factually pretty horrendous, and I'm not just saying this to be a mean sil- she was so awful to guests at our wedding she was termed 'the wrecking ball' by friends onwards. They have a good relationship which she needs, and since we've moved 100 miles away things have been allot easier for me. She used to drop in three times a week, can you imagine. Dh has said today he will make polite inquiries about money towards a spa day for me, which I'm sure will happen.

About the designer necklace, I paid!

Nanny, I think so too, I try to be as nice as possible but sometimes I get the rage. And I today I shared with mumsnet and feel a lot better :-)

"The wrecking ball" ooh apt.

Owllady, I think they do too.
Cath, I am going to pop out this instant and buy a scented candle!
Didl, I'd love to put a paper bag on her head but would worry for ww3 I speak of! Will maintain thoughtful and generous gift giving so as not to descend situation into bun fight :-)

Owllady, I think they do too.
Cath, I am going to pop out this instant and buy a scented candle!
Didl, I'd love to put a paper bag on her head but would worry for ww3 I speak of! Will maintain thoughtful and generous gift giving so as not to descend situation into bun fight :-)

Heavens-I can't believe you paid for the necklace.

No wonder she carries on this way if she gets away with it!

I know if you give shit gifts it makes you as bad as them.

But seriously-do they even like you?

I'd just stop with the presents tbh.

Your SIL sounds charming has she been to Charm School do you think? no thought not.

what the heck do your lack of core muscles have to do with her?!

on the one hand I think ask for nice vouchers for massage AND think of equally evil gifts for her - can't think now. on other hand I think let it go.

You have been so polite, she sounds dreadful. I would say that your physical imperfections are none of her business and you don't want the gift she's recommending.

Tell her if you are now doing gifts for self-improvement then you'll be giving her a therapy voucher or slef-help class vouchers on how to improve social skills and empathy.

beyond rude!!!

I'd write it off, but not buy any gifts for them in future.

Didl, I know madness, and I know enabling her but I I Want to keep the peace. Which further enables her behaviour but it's a small price to pay. Do the in laws like me.... Hmm I'd say they thought I was alright but not top priority compared to their immediate family and my ds, which I do appreciate that's to be expected and I don't mind, not wishing to sound like a martyr but I have family and friends who love me and are lovely to me

Combine - some of the best therapists I know (couple who owned aromatherapy and reflexology massage school and BF boyfriend's sister who studied masssage etc, are a couple of the most first class evil people I know.

Hunting you sound lovely - I'd be tempted to smile sweetly replace your halo and that'll infuriate your ILs even more!

Combine, I genuinely think she's on the spectrum but I know that might just sound like him lobbing pot shots at her... She really struggles with empathy and social skills but desperately wants popularity and acceptance. I'd like to understand her better but I really find it hard.

"but it's a small price to pay."

So you get treated like shit, but anything to keep her happy?

I mean seriously-she's an adult-if you say no more presents, what's going to happen?

Sorry I have wonderful friends with asd and they are open about it and open about how I can make things easier for them in our interaction, so I hope I don't come across as being thoughtlessly rude or discriminatory. I just mean if she does have an invisible disability I would be supportive and try to understand.

God this is becoming tmi I need to pipe down,sorry!

Thanks hello
Didl, it really is that bad.... I just wouldn't risk rocking the boat, it's dh who would suffer really....

So is MIL on the spectrum as well

I think if this sort of thing happens again, you just have to say no thank you tbh.

How they then react to that isn't your problem.

Accepting a gifth that you don't want an would be troublesome to you to get to would be ridiculous.

Is it better just left rather than your husband asking for something else some weeks later?

How about you tell her you've chosen a designer necklace instead and ask for the money?

Love the ideas of your gifts for them next year- though I suggest you arrange for the treatments to be 100 miles in the opposite direction rather than anywhere near you. Or go for the MN favourite of a charity gift :)

Please don't ever give in to their demands of payment for expensive items they've chosen again. Let her have the tantrum.

How shitty.

May I suggest for your SIL

This
This
This
or a voucher for here

Buy her a colonic irrigation voucher next yeaar cos she's so full of shit to clear up her skin

Should of followed the above links from Havant Guard first...

That's 2 votes for a colonic irrigation gift voucher

I'd 'forget' about it too - and get DH to treat you to a massage to make up for the massive insults his family are happy to dish out!! YANBU. So rude.

I was arranging a hen weekend and everyone was being unhelpful about the beauty package we were organising. I was so tempted to book them all in for a colon clean.

Oh havant those gifts are brilliant.... The facial muscle toner is so good I might just get it for her and say with a straight face... You know, we could all do with a bit of help... :-)

Colonic irrigation