Christmas present and s.I.l

[HuntingforBunting]

I just wondered what the majority felt the point of a Christmas present is and weather I am being unreasonable. Is it giving something you think the recipient will like even if you yourself are not that keen, or is it giving something you would like to give even if the person is not very interested? My sister in law comments on my lack of core muscles around my tummy which I try not to take too personally as it is true, I am more of an apple shape but I always have been. I have also had some back trouble since ds. For Christmas she said she would pay for one session with her physio, about 100 miles from where I live. This physio session would help me to exercise my core muscles properly, she says. My mother in law said that her Christmas present to me was the follow up session. I have no wish to travel to do this, and don't particularly want a physio session. Nothing has been mentioned since, so I asked.dh what to do. He said I needed to ask for the money and then do it. I'm a bit agog, especially as sil this year asked outright for what she wanted and I gave her the money immediately as she said she wanted to pick them out.

Am I being unreasonable to think this isn't really the spirit of giving?

Donkey I always get them decent, thoughtful presents from us all and we usually spend about 100 quid. One year dh had no work and so present was about half that. Sil had a fit, a row with dh, bought herself a designer necklace for about 70 quid and asked for the money.

Since then, I always make sure she gets something she wants to avoid tantrums.

It may be intended kindly but at the very least oversteps some boundaries. I am not sure how I'd respond tbh.

Oh! After that nugget of information I would certainly be candid.

It's a shit present and your in laws are barmy. The purpose of a present is to give the recipient something they would like, not something the giver thinks they need! And 100 miles away ffs -what are they thinking?
Would leave it to your dh to ask for the cash or discuss a suitable alterntive. Massage voucher that you could use locally sounds sensible.

Personally I would be too embarrassed to ask for the money and would just forget about the whole thing!

Boundaries are quite a thing for me to maintain with sil. Some things are funny like the wrinkle advice, but somethings really and truly aren't.

She sounds bloody rude, I'd buy her some Botox for her birthday and tell her it's for her wrinkles.

I hope you have fun thinking of suitable birthday gifts for DSIL and DMIL this year

Colonic irrigation?

I know I would usually, but we have been skint for one reason and another. I will leave it up to dh judgement I think

I'd be tempted to say scrap the present exchange to SIL and MIL for next Christmas (most unlike me) and just give a token if it's a real issue. They sound awful - demanding the gifts of their choosing at pretty high cost IMO and then foisting something on you that you don't want, but which they think is a good idea. Nasty pair. Pobble, I'd buy her a roll of gaffer tape for her gob!

I do actually know someone who would do the botox at cost price for me... You know I really might, just to see her face!! Let's see if she can keep her facial muscles still for that one!

I mean when she receives it from me... Of course I wouldn't ever really do that for fear of ww3 but the thought really cheered me up

Here are some present ideas for them
www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0091906814

www.amazon.co.uk/Introducing-Emotional-Intelligence-Practical-Guide/dp/1848314221/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1390566533&sr=1-4&keywords=emotional+intelligence

www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped/for-the-guys/build-a-bog-ou8001wa?intcmp=ou_S-12_69_buildABog_20140106

Loving the present suggestions!!! I'm so tempted :-)

I meant to say, re: back pain since DS was born, yes a physio might help - core strength and all that - someone local. I got the impression though it wasn't specifically your health she was thinking of.

No donkey it's not really... It's more my wine gut that I think she thinks is unseemly B-)

Vouchers to a local place that offers a range of treatments (including physio and massage) where you get to choose = lovely gift.

Promise of unspecified (and unpaid) amount of cash to go somewhere miles from home to do something you don't want to do = rubbish gift.

Mrs cakes- well put.

What a bitch (SIL that is, not you OP!)

But I have to say, your DH is not coming across well here for me. Firstly I think he should have told your SIL that he thinks you are perfect as you are and to keep her critical 'present' to herself. And if he hasn't done that, then now is the time for him to call her up and say that he has arranged a lovely spa day for you to relax and it would be great if she put her money for your present towards that (or some such nice treat for you).

And if he wasn't willing to do either of those things, I would genuinely be questioning his love of you and commitment to your happiness.

I would tempted to just ignore the whole thing, don't ask for the money, and next year say oh we aren't doing adult presents this year. Life is too short to spend it throwing money away on people you don't particularly like and who don't appreciate it anyway.

They sound very rude
And my sil thinks I am weird

My stomach is awful after 3c sections btw. I would be mortified if someone suggested this. It's a bit cruel for them to make such an issue of it. I think people forget it's major surgery

Wow. As someone whose ever so slightly tummy challenged myself deflated balloon I can honestly say if my ils had suggested this I would have bathed in gin for days and I don't even drink much! big fat lie right there poor you! I insist you take whatever spare money you can find and go and buy yourself some nice things, any things, just things, for you, that you like a lot.

Shit present.

I would say nothing.

If they mention it say no thank you-too far away.

If they mention a nearer one say that you are not interested & it would be a waste of their money.

"bought herself a designer necklace for about 70 quid and asked for the money"

Did he pay?

For this Christmas, put a paper bag over her head & tell the silly cow it's to improve her face.

Then don't exchange any more presents with ILs ever.

Stop buying the woman presents! She is a loon.

And a very rude, entitled one at that.

Agree with Sugar, your SIL is a bitch and a spa day, if that's your sort of thing, would be much more beneficial to you.

Although I'd be inclined to forget asking for the money and come her birthday and next Christmas forget buying her presents. Spend the money on yourself; you've been far more generous to your ILs than they deserve.

When ww3 breaks out because SIL doesn't get some expensive trinket you can smile sweetly and say that you thought they weren't buying presents any more as they didn't give you anything for the previous Christmas.