Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To want a 5yr age gap between kids

68 replies

daisydee43 · 23/01/2014 19:12

I feel a great pressure to have another baby now my dd is 2yo and dh is bringing up baby talks. My dd is so demanding I can't even imagine getting pregnant now and I really want to enjoy her early days. All I see with kids with a 2 year gap is stressed parents and rivalry. I feel my choice of waiting to get pregnant when dd at nursery or school is the best - had dd1 at 24yo so have plenty of time

OP posts:

Goldenhandshake · 24/01/2014 09:29

OP This is what we ahve done, DD will be 5.6 when this baby is due, I don't think I could've coped with this pregnancy when she was a toddler as it's been alot tougher than first time round.

Our reasons were the cost of childcare, wantign to enjoy DD's toddlerhood without having any other children to draw away from that, and also wantign to be able to to be in a better financial position to move house, which we will now be able to do first half of next year.

Shakirasma · 24/01/2014 09:40

You need to go for the gap that's right for you.
Whether sibling get along or not has got more to do with the children's personalities than their ages.
There are lots of comments on here about 5 year age gap siblings getting on beautifully, that is not the case in my home unfortunately. My kids personalities clash terribly and I can't imagine them ever being close :-(

hootloop · 24/01/2014 09:45

There are 3 years 3 mobths between my children, I wish I had managed a smaller gap (out of my hands due to fertility problems). They get on beautifully abd rarely fight. The way there birthdays fall means that DS had started school nursery when I was 6 months pregnant so I was able to settle him in there before his sister came along after his first half term and he has never felt pushed out by her.
The only reason I wish it was a smaller gap is that I would have had time to have a 3rd before my ovaries completely gave up.

AwfulMaureen · 24/01/2014 09:47

I have a 9 year old and a 5 year old and it's great. They play together all the time....the older one has to dumb herself down a bit but she enjoys that.

mattsmadmum · 24/01/2014 09:49

Have an 8 year gap. Its great. They still fight though

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 24/01/2014 09:51

There are pros and cons to all age gaps and y should just go for whatever you think will work.

There's an almost 4 year age gap between my DC. Easier when you have a newborn, but DS1 was at preschool, not school so it didn't matter if we missed days, got there late etc. Lots of time with the little one when older one starts school. Only one set of nappies. Older one continues to get one on one time as they have activities that the little one can't do. However, this is really hard to balance as the little one thinks they can and should be able to everything that the older one can!

I found the school run with a one year old to be hell - especially in the winter and when DS2 started to refuse to go into his pram. Lots and lots of wailing on every school run. Now he is 3, it's much easier. I've had broken nights sleep for 7 years now as both were (are, in the case of DS2), very late to sleep through properly on their own. You take a step back from the holidays/activities youve been enjoying when no2 comes along, but I felt it was nice as we'd had a taste of freedom and knew it would come again! We're trying for No3 now and at this rate, DS2 will be 4 or even 5 before no3 comes (if it happens at all!!) and we will have it all again!!

Ragwort · 24/01/2014 09:52

Agree with Guitar - there is no 'right or 'wrong'. Personally I feel that so many people feel they 'ought' to have a second child, the saddest thing I heard was a friend saying she was having her second child 'to get it over and done with'. .

We chose to have one child, it suits us . Do what is right for you.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 24/01/2014 09:53

Forgot to mention that it is v hard for me to try and help DS1 with homework etc, with a demanding 3 year old, but I'm on my own for most of the week - is much better when there's two parents around!! DS1 ends up going to bed a little later than I would like so that we can read etc together.

Patilla · 24/01/2014 09:55

We wanted a three and half year age gap but got a four and a half year age gap so beware of thing overrunning in your plans.

DD is only nine months so still early days but I'm really happy with the way things worked out. I've listed a few points though for you to consider

I has SPD second time around but not first time. It really helped that DS could walk and get in and out of car and walk upstairs, get on/off toilet etc on his own safely.

That said if we had planned for four years and got five I genuinely can't imagine how I would have don't the school run as even driving would have meant parking too far away.

If you overshot to school you have to be prepared to lose time with the baby to the school run as it takes more time than you think and you've got to be flexible with their routines. I view the mornings as time with DD and the afternoons more DS but as a lot of the morning can be spent juggling naps and food there are days I feel I lab quality time with DD.

It was also really nice having six months with DS at home with DD before he started school and I think helpful with them bonding.

I love having a longer age gap I would just say getting at least some of the early baby days under your belt before your eldest starts school makes things a lot easier.

Patilla · 24/01/2014 09:57

I'd also agree with cakecrumbs that doing the allotted reading time with DS is also a challenge with a nine month old. But it's all do able if it's right for you and it was completely right for us and I love seeing the affection DD and DS already have for each other and I am grateful for not having to do crowd control with two little ones.

pinkflower1 · 24/01/2014 11:17

4.5 and 5.5 between mine. Love it. They are all great friends, the eldest is 10 years older than the youngest and they all get on brilliantly. I love the fact that I've been able to do everything with them individually before starting school. If the little one gets hurt they are immensely concerned and caring towards her, as she is to them.

They are 4.5, 10 and 14 now and I love the different stages they are at and how I act differently as a mum to each of them, ie still at the wiping bum stage and reception plays with the little one but having a late night chat and cuppa with the eldest as he revises for GCSE's and watching the middle one growing up too fast, ahhhh, need a pause button!

Mim78 · 24/01/2014 11:25

YANBU - but you can't always plan these things exactly! I am about to have dc2 with a 5 year gap so will let you know how it goes. However, we did try for over a year first so would have been 3 3/4 year gap if things had turned out quicker - if you try for 5 year gap you might end up with 7, which could be fine too...

Going back to the beginning again might be hard. However I will have dd1 at school so will get some time with just the baby. I think it's swings and roundabouts like with everything, plus you can't really plan for sure. Personalities of the children will dictate alot and you can't control that!

Just go for what feels right for you and don't worry about whether you're being reasonable or not!

drwitch · 24/01/2014 11:31

If you work juggling school/afterschool clubs and nursery is a logistical nightmare, you either end up paying for more childcare than you need OR not getting quite enough. That's the only real down side though (just shy of 4 year gap for us).

CantQuiteBelieveIt · 24/01/2014 13:42

It's 100% personality, without a doubt. Having your kids v close together assuming they will get on because of the small age difference is a huge gamble.

DH and his brother are 18ms apart and haven't got on since day one. They didn't 'share the same interests' as they were chalk and cheese!

There are 5.5yrs between dd and ds2 and I really worried that the age gap was too big as ds1 in between them is severely autistic, so they will only really have each other to interact with and it felt particularly important that they got on and could support each other with the challenges a disabled sibling brings.

So far (ds2 is now 4) I really needn't have worried. Dd is v loving and maternal, and adores being a big sister, teaching her little bro things and teaching him things and for his part ds2 worships his big sister and has become accomplished at socialising with older women as she has her friends round all the time and, as with dd, they are mature enough now to pander to him and include him a bit rather than bash him
and scream at him.

There is no competition between them because they are at different stages, and their personalities are incredibly similar so they have a great laugh together most days.

We feel very, very lucky it worked out like this. Touch wood!

AwfulMaureen · 24/01/2014 13:53

I enjoyed three and a half years with DD1 before DD2 arrived. Then DD1 began nursery and DD2 had the same time at home with me...I worked in the evenings.

It was v special...less stressful...though I didn't plan it that way....they came when they came.

MiaowTheCat · 24/01/2014 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaffeinatedKitten · 24/01/2014 14:39

There are four year gaps between mine and i can't say that it has been excellent or awful. It's family, whichever sort of gap you have it will have pros and cons.

SquinkiesRule · 24/01/2014 15:28

I have 5.5 years between the first two it was wonderful. no jealousy issues at all, and now they are grown they are really good friends. Last one is 10 year younger, not such a good idea, but it works.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread