To even consider taking my DD in the future to grandparents house who smoke??

[Newmummee]

Ok so obviously not while she is so young (DD is 8 weeks almost) but my partner says I can never take her to my mum and dad's house as they both smoke there. I am an ex smoker and my partner smokes so it's never bothered us going there before, also when they have has visitors like family who do not smoke then they air out the house and don't smoke inside for that duration and a while before, I felt that the house did not smell smoky on those occasions. I put to you MN, is it bad to be in that environment? Anyone in similar situation? I would like to visit my parents but I would never harm my daughter!

It wouldn't cross my mind not to visit.

I have had to be pragmatic about our situation.

We see the in laws 3 times a year. It's a big house. Mil refuses to smoke outside whilst we are there, but smokes next to an open window.

In this situation, I wouldn't stipulate we wouldn't visit at all. DH knows I hate it and is very mindful not to take the dcs in the same room. We don't sleep over. I will try to time it so that we don't visit during ds3s crawling phase. We play outside a lot whilst we are there.

It's a trade off between what I think is such a miniscule risk and ds's not seeing their grandparents at all.

There are pollutants everywhere, I think it's a pragmatic balance of risk.

Your DP can do what he likes. I gave in to smoking again with a newborn. I only did it a few times a day, washed, changed clothes etc. As a parent you make decisions, and some parents will continue to smoke. Like most parents who smoke, it is something done away from the children - at work, during long naps, in the evening.

However, he is being a complete hypocrite to say that you can't take the baby to your parents house.

Smoking isn't great. It's a terrible habit, everyone knows that.

However I do think (health issues such as asthma etc aside, as they are clearly a very differen case) that it is sad when some parents refuse to let relatives see children because they smoke, especially when that relative is agreeing to such things as smoking outside, changing clothes, washing and the like.

My PIL smoke, as do my SIL and her fiance. We go and stay with them a few times a year- it would never have occurred to me that we shouldn't! DH's family are lovelyppeople and the benefits that my DDs get from staying with them, and having a close relationship, far outweigh any negatives.

I grew up in a smoky house and I absolutely hate smoking still- but I wouldn't let it come between my DDs and their family. Not if they are being considerate in terms of opening windows etc.

I wouldn't with a newborn but older, yes.

I found myself in the position where dd's best friend's mum smoked quite heavily in the house and having to make a decision if she could go there to play. I did allow it, but am kind of glad they moved on to new friends and don't play so much now.

When I was little most of our friends and family smoked in the house, smoking was allowed in the workplace i.e. at your desk, pubs, restaurants and on public transport. A huge cloud of smoke would come out of the teachers' staff room if you knocked on the door to ask for something. Six of my friends my sort of age (and I don' t have that many) have had cancer in their 30s or 40s. Not one of them was a smoker themselves. It does make me wonder.