To even consider taking my DD in the future to grandparents house who smoke??

[Newmummee]

Ok so obviously not while she is so young (DD is 8 weeks almost) but my partner says I can never take her to my mum and dad's house as they both smoke there. I am an ex smoker and my partner smokes so it's never bothered us going there before, also when they have has visitors like family who do not smoke then they air out the house and don't smoke inside for that duration and a while before, I felt that the house did not smell smoky on those occasions. I put to you MN, is it bad to be in that environment? Anyone in similar situation? I would like to visit my parents but I would never harm my daughter!

My folks are heavy smokers but air the house and do not smoke in it while we are there. It's not ideal and we do stink of smoke when we come back, but at 67 they are unlikely to stop.

Similar situation, my mum smokes, we do go and stay twice a year. She voluntarily doesn't smoke inside while we are there, which is as big a concession as she can make really (specially in the winter!). Her house still does smell of smoke though and we have to wash all our clothes when we get home. In the scheme of things I think it's a very small risk when you consider they're not exposed to cigarette smoke at any other time.

I was in a similar position when I was pregnant - I told my mum I wouldn't bring my baby/child into her house if she smoked - it was something I felt very strongly about as I had grown up with cigarettes around and didn't want to put my child at risk. It's in the atmosphere and I decided it was up to my mum - she did stop smoking. I never took my daughter in DH's grandmother's house because of the smoke. I just couldn't put my child at risk. Their choice to smoke but not my child's choice to breathe it in. There are good reasons smoking has been banned in work places and public buildings.

If it's any consolation, the reason that I have never smoked, and have never wanted to, is because when I was little my granny smoked. Yuk!

As a smoker, your DP doesn't have a leg to stand on IMO.

Has he tried CBT for his anxiety and OCD?

My God aren't some of you new breed precious !!?

Years ago smoking wasn't seen as some kind of enemy . .Hell, when my youngest cousin was born, my Aunt and others could smoke in the post natal ward. . you lot would never have survived .. Get a grip , its your PARENTS and you would deny them seeing their own Grand Child ?! Nice!

itsnot

Why don't you come back when your child has been hospitalized with breathing difficulties and pinned down screaming by nurses to administer inhalers and nebulisers. Or you have a new born that was one apnea away from a ventilator.

Then decide if we are precious.

Itsnot back in the day, women with morning sickness were prescribed thalidomide. Then it was discovered that it was harmful to babies. So they stopped.

That tends to be the way these things work: when things that previously were not known to be harmful to children are discovered to be harmful, caring parents try to limit their dc's exposure to them...

I don't think thalidomide is on quite the same level as residual cigarette smoke.

Whatever . ..

I see some of you whining had parents or grandparents smoke when you were growing up . Still here ain't you ? ?! Seriously some of you wouldn't have COPED back in the day at all and I am merely expressing MY opinion, to which I am entitled on a discussion forum ..
And don't bother with the bile and the ganging up that Ive seen on this viper nest of a forum either coz bothered Im not .

Point taken re thalidomide .. One of my Aunts was prescribed those back then but for some reason she never took them . .. which is lucky as we all know what that particular tablet led too .

I know, , I know its ok for parents to want to protect, of course they do, as do I with mine . Its just the hysteria over cigarettes/smoke etc .. If the parents are willing to air the place and smoke outside fine . Im a smoker but Id certainly adhere to a daughter/sons/SIL/DIL wishes regarding it and Yes I would go outside my own home to smoke . . There is just a lot of hysteria . .My lovely Uncle, for example, never smoked , died of cancer aged 33 . My Grandad on other hand smoked from aged 9 (it was the 1900s mind) , gave up at 80 odd and lived on for a fair few many years. .
I didn't wish for my post to come across aggresive, more bemused.

Similar situation here. Mil smokes in her house. We visit3 times a year. She smokes whilst we are there,but never in the same room.

They live 4hours away and don't visit us because of their pets (!).

The compromise we've come to (DH and I) is that we stay overnight in a hotel.

I hate it, really do. But I don't think6 days a year will be enough to harm them. We also try to go out a lot whilst we ar there.

I acknowledge that thalidomide is an extreme case. I was just trying to illustrate my point that as scientific knowledge/understanding increases, people's attitudes and behaviour often change in response. Forgive the hyperbole.

Itsnot I'm glad to hear your aunt, and her dc dodged that bullet.

Indeed,, Thank You MightBeMad

Sounds like you need a fag itsnotthateasy.

itsnotthateasy - Took the words out of my mouth there - What is with the smoking hysteria these days, the cotton wool factories must be raking it in!

Interesting points you all make, although I do have to say that science has proved that smoking and being in smoky environments can and do affect people's health. We all know someone who lived to 101 who smoked 20 a day all their lives but that is a small proportion of people. I wouldn't take my daughter in a smoky house or like a pub say when you could smoke their. You just wouldn't want the chemicals and that in her little lungs. I'm just wondering if it's acceptable to take her in a house that is aired but has had smoke in.
I'm not anti smoking as I quit just before I fell pregnant tis time last year, I also know that smoking and Passive smoking is bad! Old skool or not

There are always anecdotes.

My mother died aged 53 from emphysema. My father in his 70s from bladder cancer (smoking related). My DB gave up years ago, but we grew up in a smoker's house and he has emphysema. My MiL, her sister and mother all had cancer. All were heavy smokers.

Hysteria? I don't think so. Rate of SIDs has reduced tremendously because people are now discouraged from smoking around babies or indoors.

And it stinks. Nothing worse than children who smell of smoke.

Bleugh.

OP your partner's hypocrisy is astounding. He is doing far more damage to your child day to day than a visit to your parents would.

Forgive my poor grammar and spelling, it's my dam phone!
Do you think my partner is doing her harm? He smokes only at most 5 a day, outside and changes into different outside smoking clothes every time, also he comes in and washes hands and rinses mouth....

Why is it okay for your other half to smoke, but not okay to visit his smoking parents?!

He's a hypocrite!

Whether he's doing her harm or not, he's being very hypocritical.

You need to have a calm, reasoned discussion with gps about what they plan to do when DD visits with you. My own DM only smokes outside when DS is there, and he's old enough to tell me about that now so I know!

I also think it's not your DH's decision to make - they are your parents. If you want them to have a relationship with their grandparents, a way round the smoking will have to be found.

My grandparents smoke heavily, really really heavily but my dc still went over and they did child care and babysitting for me from a few months old.

I weighed up the risks that it wasn't an every day situation and frankly smoke isn't the only pollution in the air if I was going to start worrying over air pollution.

to go to a smokers house now and then is not going to cause permanent damage to your baby.

i am ex smoker and would not want my baby exposed to regualar large amounts of smoking, however the odd GP visit wouldnt worry me!