to be upset at stranger posting pictures of me and my late brother?

[matildamatilda]

So I log on facebook and I see that little message that I've been tagged in a photo by my step-sister.

I say "step-sister" but to me she's just the daughter of my dad's wife. I had to stay part-time in her mom's house for a year or so when we were teens. Haven't seen her since. We don't have a relationship and we're not facebook friends.

So the photo she's uploaded is of me and of my late brother. It's from about twenty years ago, a really goofy picture of us sitting on the living room floor with our hair up in elastics. My brother died a few years ago at age 30.

I untagged myself without mentioning anything to her but I'm angry. I don't know if it's the grief talking, but where the hell does she get off uploading pictures of me anyway. And with my dead brother? WTF?

Does she know he died? Is it a nice thing she thinks she's doing? To reconnect with you?

Perhaps to her you're not just her mother's husband's daughter and she thinks fondly of you and your brother.

I think it's the grief talking.

maybe you two meant more to her than she did to you?
maybe in these 'facebook days' people have messed up boundaries, I don't know.....
at least you have 'untagged' yourself, could you ask her to remove the picture?

I detest pictures of me. I would feel a bit as well, matilda as from 20 years ago is - well, more personal than last night at the pub.

How did she tag you if you're not friends on there?

I think on the whole you're not being unreasonable. I'd feel upset at being displayed publicly like that and at being 'laughed at' with your brother. I know I've expressed that badly.

Maybe she found the picture and it made her smile and she thought you might like to see it. If I found a picture like this of people I didn't know well but who meant a lot to each other I would probably pass it on to them. Especially considering one has died. I would most likely have private messaged you with it but some people use Facebook a bit more openly than I do.
Sorry about your brother but I do think it is the grief talking.

Yeah, maybe I'm just being a grump.

She knows he's died. I think she just found the picture and thought it was cute.

I'm also weird about facebook. I can't get my head around people just publishing private photos like that. I don't even upload pictures of my husband without asking him first.

I agree. She probably found the photo and thought it may be one you haven't seen. Given that your brother has passed away she may have thought you'd love to see a new photo of you and him as teenagers- even if you look silly. YABU.

I didn't think people could tag you unless you were friends! Maybe that's just my settings!

I don't think it sounds malicious or deliberately hurtful if you know what I mean, so don't think that.
But it's hard to suddenly see pictures of our loved ones, especially if you feel she is taking ownership of someone she didn't have a strong relationship with.
Generally I think it's hard for you, but not meant to hurt.

She probably found the photo and thought it may be one you haven't seen. Given that your brother has passed away she may have thought you'd love to see a new photo of you and him as teenagers- even if you look silly.

^^ this.

quietlysuggests

I'd love to know how simply posting a picture of someone constitutes "over-intimate attention seeking behaviour".

Maybe she was posting a photo of her step-brother. And you happen to be in it.

A shitty thing to do, but FB brings out the shitty in people. These oversharers are a blight. YANBU.

Change your settings so she can't tag you

I think she probably thought you would like to see it. I'm sure you can adjust your settings so that you have to approve photos before they are tagged.

IronOrchid Wed 22-Jan-14 21:37:38

A shitty thing to do, but FB brings out the shitty in people. These oversharers are a blight. YANBU.

Oh I don't know . . seems Mumsnet also bring out some of the shits too.

I think you really are over thinking this. I actually feel sorry for her now.

Bu

Easy - very funny, very clever, very offtopic. Well done.

Photos from twenty yeas ago were presumably meant for family photo albums, not a yet undiscovered public forum. Disclosing an older photo on FB without consideration is a dick move. YANBU, OP.

Ah, OP, you are not getting much sympathy.

You have tons from me.

I totally understand where you are coming from.

It must have been a shock to suddently see a picture of your late brother, you and him as children. And on someone's post you barely know.
And infuriating that she didn't send it to you personally but just shared it. Insensitive and baffling. I cannot bear Facebook.

So sorry you lost your brother

Yanbu. At all.

I am currently seething over my cousin posting a photo of my very recently deceased grandfather on Facebook along with a mawkish attention seeking status.

I am sorry for your loss op.

OP - unless you have any particular reason to think otherwise, it just seems like a nice thing she has done. I love to see any photos someone else might have of me as a child, or my living or deceased relatives.

So, you see, the response to it varies quite wildly - neither response is right or wrong, it just is what it is.

If it's upsetting you, just ask her if she would please take it down.

Alis - why are you seething?

do you and your cousin not share a grandfather alis?