to be upset at stranger posting pictures of me and my late brother?

[matildamatilda]

So I log on facebook and I see that little message that I've been tagged in a photo by my step-sister.

I say "step-sister" but to me she's just the daughter of my dad's wife. I had to stay part-time in her mom's house for a year or so when we were teens. Haven't seen her since. We don't have a relationship and we're not facebook friends.

So the photo she's uploaded is of me and of my late brother. It's from about twenty years ago, a really goofy picture of us sitting on the living room floor with our hair up in elastics. My brother died a few years ago at age 30.

I untagged myself without mentioning anything to her but I'm angry. I don't know if it's the grief talking, but where the hell does she get off uploading pictures of me anyway. And with my dead brother? WTF?

We do share a grandfather yes.

I'm seething because it is not just her news to share on Facebook in the same manner I might share being glad it's the weekend. It isn't just an "I am sad because x happened" status, it's a war and peace back story sharing very private details that nobody outside the family needs or would actually want to know. I dislike that the photo has been shared because he was a very private, proud man and would certainly not have wanted it to be there. Not least because he is so clearly ill in said photograph.

Thanks. I wasn't looking for sympathy.

Part of me is angry at how brother and I were treated in that house. There was one of those lame custody-sharing agreements in place which meant every other week my brother and I shuttled back and forth. Mum didn't really have room for us, and when Dad moved into his new wife's house a year after the divorce (?) I camped on the daybed whilst brother slept in the not-quite-finished basement. Whilst step-siblings had and kept their own nice lovely rooms.

Incidentally, I can't be dealing with people saying about shared-custody kids: "Oh, they have two homes!" No, we had no home at all.

Brother was also kicked out of the house at age 18 for smoking pot. Whilst the step-siblings went to university with all expenses paid. (I'd already moved out at that point.) Granted I wouldn't like it if I had an adult son who was smoking pot, but kicking him out? It felt like step-mother just wanted the place back for herself and her kids again.

So I have this funny proprietary feeling--like, "No, no, no you don't get to act like you lost a brother."

And this is why we don't post photos of people we barely know on facebook. The end.

I realise my tone was brusque there. I am very grateful for people expressing sympathy. Thanks for your kindness.

hmm i see what you mean alis, imo facebook is a bit shit really.

and i see what you mean too very much matilda, being a step or 'half' sibling is crap