To tell my mum to piss off and keep her nose out?

[BlatantReverse]

I'm struggling to know how to deal with a family situation and would like some opinions. So as not to mislead, I'm not going to do a reverse AIBU sneakily, but will write out the issue from the other perspective and would really appreciate feedback as if replying to them.

My daughter is 6yo and very badly behaved. I suffer with depression and anxiety, I don't sleep and have been signed off work for over a year. My house is tiny and my landlord won't do any repairs so it's falling apart. My wife works and we both struggle to keep the place clean and tidy. Recently I've been asking my parents for help with my daughter's behaviour a lot - she spits, punches and bites when she doesn't get her own way, I've tried taking things away as punishment, I've tried smacking her but nothing works. I usually call my parents for help 2/3 times a week when DD won't go to bed, assaults my wife and winds me up to the point I end up losing my temper and screaming at her.

After a particularly bad night last night I called my mum as DD wouldn't go to bed, she nipped, punched and bit my wife and spat in my face. No one else sees her behave like this, she's sweetness and fucking light with everyone else. I admit I was shouting a lot, but my mum threatened to call the police if I didn't stop. She doesn't know what a life I've got with DD, I cry with the worry of the affect her behaviour is having on my wife, who's lost 5 stones in the last 6 months. My mum and sister have told me I have to contact the health visitor or GP to ask for help with what they call our 'family situation' but why can't they see it's DD's fault, instead of blaming me and my wife? I feel like just fucking off somewhere and leaving them all to it. The neighbours were banging on the wall last night, they can fuck off too.

Do you think his cannibis use is contributing to his mental state?

please contact social services.

if the price you have to pay for helping a child is your brother hates you for a while, you can live with that.

We don't even know if your niece is acting up or whether she is a total angel and it's just your brother's perception that is out. This does sound like a case where ss would interevene you need to report it.

Please contact SS. This is a dreadful scenario.

And I cannot imagine that the school doesn't have some concerns also.

Thank you all for your advice. I think tomorrow I will try one last time to persuade him to seek help. If he refuses again, I'll call the NSPCC. I doubt the school would talk to me.

You need to tell the school (use the word safeguarding). As you are just an Aunt you really have no idea what they think about the situation, and what they have noticed. You are right the school should not talk to you, but they can listen.

Not all SS are useless, and recent cases have jolted some into action a bit more (I have worked in schools so know where you are coming from).

YY to what mummytime says there. The school won't be able to tell you anything, but they should let you in to be able to voice your concerns.

I wondered whether I was overreacting when I initially suggested SS but I am relieved that I don't appear to be alone in thinking along these lines.

My childrens school have a health and welfare officer, hopefully your Dn school does too and they will take you seriously when you approach them.

As an aunt my responsibility I feel lays with the welfare of my nieces and nephews over that of my siblings and I am sure you feel the same. Your brother needs help - of that I have no doubt. Try to help your niece first. Good luck.

Your Brother sounds as if he's not of sound mental state, I suspect cannabis use is excaberating the problem. Your poor niece can't be blamed. What a sad childhood for her. I would call NSPCC and get some advice.

Actually the school will be very interested they normally have a welfare officer if not ask to speak to the senco.
They may also be aware or concerned.
And then inform social services. I would if it where my brother

Your brother has issues with anger management and your niece is suffering as a consequence. If your bro won't listen then you need to get someone involved, I would start with the school.