To raise my youngest DC bilingual

[SpagBogs]

I bought this up with DH, I want to raise my youngest DC bilingual and teach them their mother tongue. My DTD are 5wo so I was thinking I would speak to them in my native language and DH speaks English with them; but DH says they will get a foreign accent and how they're living in England should speak English. Opinions?

I agree in principle that being multi-lingual is A Good Thing. I know several families where it has been entirely positive. However, I am friends with a family where the mother is English, father Japanese.

Children (now adults) were born in Japan and lived there until they were of secondary school age, when they came to uk. Both are fluent in Japanese, as you would expect and older DC is also fluent in Chinese - works as an academic in international relations.

Older DC, although fluent in English, speaks with a very odd accent and is quite difficult to understand. I'm not sure why this would happen - according to their mother, they all spoke English at home, even in Japan, and they learnt Japanese at school.

So it would appear that it is possible to end up with an "accent" even when a native speaker.

I know plenty of people who live abroad who are English who do manage to get their children to speak English quite well- because English is a very dominant language, they hear it on TV, pop songs, signs, all the time. So, reinforcement is all around them. That won't be the case if you live in the Uk and you want your children to speak, say, Swedish. It does depend a bit on which is the second language, as I say, most of the friends I know that started out speaking their mother tongue (Danish, Swedish, Finnish, French, Dutch) with an English partner haven't got bilingual children now they are older (up to age three they seemed to use both and then English started to dominate when they go to school). Parents where both speak the second language (even if it is not the mother tongue for both) seem to do better.

Starting by speaking OPOL at home is a brilliant basis for bilingualism, but also think how you might be able to reinforce the language and provide opportunities to use it- one great way is long trips home in which the children have to speak the language. I know people who have enrolled their children in the local nursery/summer school for a month when visiting which makes a huge difference as the children have to speak the language (if just on a visit, easy to hang out with the English family and not really speak it). Plus as others have said, music, songs, fun stuff connected with the language help- any grandparents likely to visit and chat to your children? If you are in major cities, there are language clubs and schools for children for different languages- might there be one for your language (or you could even start one with some other parents).

Your husband's reasons for not wanting you to speak your language are just awful though, no-one should tell you which language you should speak to your child, and they are far more likely to end up with a (possibly) accented second language and perfect English given they live in England!

If you can offer another language to your DC, you WBU not to. Go for it.

You shouldn't need a reason to speak your mother tongue to your child. I have a friend who grew up unable to communicate with her mum in her mum's mother tongue. This has been a huge barrier between them because her mum simply doesn't have the language necessary to talk deeply to her daughter. This seems tragic to me and completely unnecessary. Also, there's no doubt that two languages are far better than one when it comes to academic performance and opportunities in life. As I'm sure others have said, being able to speak your language will enable your child to tap into the culture and family that she's inherited through you. Otherwise, she will be on the outside, looking in. That might be particularly difficult if the UK doesn't feel quite as much 'home' as it might do if you, as her mum, had originated here.

I'd imagine that your DH needs to get his head in gear about supporting you to do your share of the parenting exactly as you wish to from a cultural point of view. I'm aware that some people feel that associations with another culture are somehow an embarrassment for a child, with the aim being to feel 'born and bred' in the host country. But that causes huge difficulties in terms of personal identity for those children. If I spoke a different language to DH, I would feel personally slighted if he suggested I tone down personal parenting preferences because they weren't 'English' enough - especially since ability in another language will not detract from your child's ability to make progress in all other areas of life.

Could it be that your DH feels threatened by the idea of conversations going on from which he'd be excluded? I have friends who are raising their child in the UK speaking English and Swedish. The mother is not allowed (by the child!) to try speaking any of the Swedish words she has heard her husband using. I would find it difficult to not have a clue what was going on when my partner and child were conversing, and not to be able to drop in and out of the bitty conversations that make up normal family life. I don't know what you would do about that but I'd think great sensitivity is called for.

My DM didn't teach/speak to us in her mother tongue when we were young as DF didn't understand. It's one of my and my mothers biggest regrets.

I've picked up a fair understanding of DH's language just by hearing him use it with the kids. We get satellite channels in DH's language and we spend several weeks in his home country every year.

Go for it. I was brought up bilingually and do not have an accent in English. Loads of benefits and made learning other languages later on easier too.

Am I the only person wondering why its such a big deal that they might have an accent? So what?

I think you'd be crazy not to, personally.

My bro has lived in sweden for many years and my SIL is swedish (and speaks good high school english). When my dn1 was born they planned to be bilingual, but actually they always speak swedish at home, dn refused to acknowledge anthing said in english and it never happened. Result is that while my parents visit regularly, and db and sil come over when they can afford to, it's hard for them to have a conversation with their 2 grandaughters as they have only managed to learn a few phrases in swedish, and there's a strong accent/dialect. Dn1 (7) is now learning english at school, and a bit from tv, but not quite enough to chat on skype! So we wave and smile and try hard to keep contact, but my mum especially fears that she may never have a proper relationship with her granddaughters, certainly not the relationship she would have if bro had made the effort done the bilingual thing.

Missy don't give up hope, all languages can be learned like we did at school as a second language, that's how the vast majority of children/adults around the world learn English. There's also amazing resources to do so, TV programmes, school learning for non-native English speakers (unlike for minority languages)- they may do much better than you think.

It's all very well thinking people should do OPOL and some are very committed, but others prefer to all speak the same language at home. It takes real discipline to continue to speak your language if the other parent is speaking a different one in overlapping typical family conversations.

My family who live abroad did do OPOL and their mother spoke always in English to them, but the now adult children don't speak great English even then, and certainly no better than a lot of adults who have learned it at school, it is also heavily accented.

The best thing that would push their English along is a visit in which they can speak some English- might that be a possibility? Or they may choose to attend school or college or uni here, again, once in the country people's language skills leap on.

We live in the UK and do OPOL with my DH's language being the minority language and one that isn't a common language. The language in itself probably won't be much 'use' to our DC in later life unless they choose to live in DH's country but having visited for an extended period last summer and seen the eldest DC start to speak to his cousins and DH's family in their language I just thought it was fantastic.

I don't find it hard at all to do and I don't really speak the language though my understanding is reasonable. We don't push DC1 to answer back in the second language at all, for us, understanding is the main thing and hopefully in time and with annual visits as they get older this will just happen naturally.

DC1 speaks English with the local regional accent, thanks to nursery and I think and hope the second language will enable him to pick up others more easily in school and throughout life.

I cannot understand why anyone would not want to give their child/ren this additional skill,your husband is being VVVU!

I am up for bilingualism!!.
It is a free gift we can give our kids that would enable them to have better future chances.
Both my husband and I were mono linguals and have become trilinguals over the last couple of decades - a lot harder when you are a teenager and beyond. My DD is 3 now and fluent in those 3 languages.
She is at a bilingual english-spanish nurseries which is doing wonders.
I have signed her up for an upcoming bilingual English Spanish free shcool in london too...
www.kingsgroupacademies.org.uk