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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To raise my youngest DC bilingual

87 replies

SpagBogs · 21/01/2014 22:58

I bought this up with DH, I want to raise my youngest DC bilingual and teach them their mother tongue. My DTD are 5wo so I was thinking I would speak to them in my native language and DH speaks English with them; but DH says they will get a foreign accent and how they're living in England should speak English. Opinions?

OP posts:

IndridCold · 22/01/2014 10:10

Agree, they will speak English with an English accent, and your language in your accent. The main influence on them will actually be schoolfriends (when they are older). Go for it, it is a wonderful advantage.

It can work for older children too. A Russian boy joined DSs school when he was 9, speaking not one word of English. Within a year, he was not only completely fluent, but he had almost no trace of a Russian accent. Amazing!

OhBuggerandArse · 22/01/2014 10:12

Another useful link:

www.bilingualism-matters.org.uk/

QueenofKelsingra · 22/01/2014 10:13

If you don't want that to happen, then you need to be really determined, put quite a bit of effort in, and provide opportunities and reinforcement to practice. If the other parent isn't committed, this could be an issue.

^^ This. When DS1 was about 3 he started using more and more English and DH was accepting it, so DS used more English to him. I pointed it out to DH and now DH is much more consistant at asking DS to repeat in his mother tongue. It is time consuming and frustrating but now, one year on, DS's minority language is much stronger and rather than resorting to English with DH he will now ask how he says it in DH's language. I think DH speaking to me in his mother tongue helps too, the DCs now don't hear DH speak English in the house (except in an emergency obvs!).

It is so so worth the effort OP, I think you will regret it if you don't.

MrsSteptoe · 22/01/2014 10:18

70% of my son's class speak another language at home (Tagalog, Italian, and Spanish being the primary other languages). None of them has an accent in English. I can't imagine for a second why your DH would consider any other course.

BaronessBomburst · 22/01/2014 10:21

It makes me so sad when a mother feels like she can't speak to her child in her first language. :(

AbiRoad · 22/01/2014 10:33

My BIL (English) lives in Spain with Spanish wife. 3 DC. With the eldest, they both spoke to him mainly in English at home, on the basis that all,outside influence would be Spanish. His English is best but they worried when he started nursery that his Spanish was behind and this made him shy (I think he is just the shy type anyway). With the second, mum spoke to him in Spanish at home and dad in English. They think this worked best. With youngest, they tried the same as no.2 but the other 2 were a bit older ( had started nursery/school) so mainly spoke Spanish and so overall baby was exposed to less English. She is least confident in English but still good. They speak Spanish in a Spanish accent (apparently) but do have a spanish accent when speaking English (least strong in eldest).

You mention they are your youngest. Do the elder ones speak your language? If so would you use it around them when speaking to the babies?

willyoulistentome · 22/01/2014 10:37

In fact I think you must raise them bilingual if the opportunity is there. It's a massive positive thing. My mum is gutted that her parents ONLY raised her with English when they were both from Austria. (Blame WWII- not a safe thing to do to risk your toddler chatting in german on the number 35 bus in the late 1940s)
As to the accent thing. So long as they hear English all around them they won't pick up a foreign accent. Having said that. . I have a neighbour who is German and although the dad in the family is English, he works long hours and I guess growing up they saw little of him. They also went to an international school here where they were taught in german and mixed with kids who'd been brought up with german as a single mother tongue.
All the kids in this family speak perfect german and perfect English, but they do have a detectable german accent, even though they were born and brought up in the uk

FuckingWankwings · 22/01/2014 10:39

Please DO raise them bilingual! I think it's one of the best things you can give a child.

As for the 'foreign accent' thing, a) no they won't and b) who cares if they did? And why does he think they should speak exclusively English? That attitude is a bit worrying IMO.

MoominIsGoingToBeAMumWaitWHAT · 22/01/2014 10:44

I was taught to be bilingual - parents spoke English at home, learned to speak Welsh fluently at school - and used to speak Welsh with a strong Black Country accent although it's eased over the years and I now sound passably Welsh.

OH is Welsh through and through and we'll be raising our child to be bilingual from birth - both of us will speak in Welsh and English to it, although OH will do the majority of Welsh speaking and I'll do majority of English, and they'll be hopefully attending Welsh-medium or strongly-bilingual schools.

whatever5 · 22/01/2014 10:48

Your DH is talking rubbish. If they learn English from a young age (from him, school etc) they will have an English accent. My DH didn't learn English until he was five and he speaks without an accent.

I expect your DH knows this really and the real reason he doesn't want you to speak in your language to your children is because he will feel left out. Convince him that being bilingual will be an advantage and (hopefully) he will change his mind.

gigglestar · 22/01/2014 12:53

He's being an ignorant arse. What's he going to do when your dc has to learn a foreign language at secondary school-pull them out of class?!

Your child has inherited two cultures from its parents andto deny him/her an important link with that culture is just wrong and insulting.

I'm bilingual,english is my second language-yet my accent is nothing like the peers i grew up with.

Oriunda · 22/01/2014 13:19

We do OPOL with DS. He's not 2 yet and says 'hands' to me and the equivalent in Italian to DH. Whole point of hardcore OPOL is that he speaks English with my accent and learns Italian only from native speakers (even though I speak it) so that he speaks each language correctly. Your DH is being very silly denying this opportunity to your children.

SlimJiminy · 22/01/2014 13:46

Haven't read the full thread, but I would absolutely do this if I were you!! I've seen it done and it's fascinating to see a child switch from one language to another without batting an eyelid. Your DH's accent point isn't the case, so if that's his only concern then there's nothing stopping you.

However, could his "they'll develop an accent" thing be an excuse, when the real issue is that he just doesn't want to feel left out when you all speak in your native language? - that's if he doesn't speak it himself, of course. In that case, you might just need to reassure him that you'll speak in English when you're all together and only talk in your native language when you're alone with them?

Meerka · 22/01/2014 14:05

Its really good to be bilingual. We're bringing our son and will bring the Bump up to be bilingual. We live in the netherlands and in fact (somehow) dutch is his first language, to the point that in the house we -both- speak english even though husband is dutch. No, it's not always easy but there are so many benefits, specially longer term.

I"m told by a linguist friend that simply having two languages in itself confers life long benefits to the brain, making it more flexible. If they get exposure to the two cultures as well, it's even better. it gives different viewpoints for them to compare and is a real asset.

You children may be slightly slower to -start- to speak but he or she will catch up quickly and the benefits far far outweigh this slight slowness. It -is- only slight. They certainly won't have an accent in English, though he

Also when you take them to visit your home country, they he will be able to fit in easier and well, it's half of their heritage isnt it?

TamerB · 22/01/2014 15:36

Apart from the obvious advantages to your child, I would have thought that you would have wanted him to be able to converse with all of your family and friends in your native country. It is terribly sad for grandparents and grandchild if they have to have an interpreter.

mijas99 · 22/01/2014 15:43

My son is bilingual at 2yo. We live in Spain. His Spanish is better than his English but my (English) parents say his English is really good for his age

Language is an inherent part of culture and identity. I would be worried that your partner doesnt actually like you very much, otherwise why would he not want that part of you to be passed on to your children?

And of course, my English family would be distraught if my children couldnt speak English. My parents have been looking for reassurances about my children's English levels since I met my wife 13 years ago :)

Biedronka · 22/01/2014 17:10

Your DP is crazy, of course your Dc should be bilingual.

Dp and I are ttc and I've already decided we'll use OPOL. I don't think Dp has thought too far into it at the moment as he speaks mostly English now unless talking to parents or friends but it's crucial for any children we may be blessed with, that they can speak his language as his parents speak very little English and a lot of his family speak none at all.

I nannied a little boy in dps country for 6 months, he was 2 and spoke only his mother tongue before being around me 5 days a week. His parents wanted me to speak English only to him (obviously unless in an emergency or if he became distressed when he didn't understand) and it was amazing just how easy it came to him and how much he picked up in a short space of time. Most of the English words he said were spoken with my accent.

BubaMarra · 22/01/2014 18:41

Your DH is wrong. Your DC will not have foreign accent. They might have english accent when they speak your first language.

PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon · 22/01/2014 18:45

Your DH is very wrong. If you speak accented Englsih however they could pick that up at first..which is another reason to speak your native language to them!

There are many resources that ecplain how a child actually learns language and how their brain develops for both or more languages. kids are fascinating with what they can learn!

I'd very upset if my partner wanted me to not teach my children my language! (in your circumstances, dh and I are both English speaking)

frenchfancy · 22/01/2014 19:08

Definitely talk to your DCs in your mother tongue, but that should be all your DCs not just the youngest. And don't forget other mediums play a part too, TV/DVDs in your native tongue, books and music as well. It all plays a part.

poorincashrichinlove · 22/01/2014 20:08

not to mention the cognitive benefits of bilingualism...

WingsontheWind · 22/01/2014 20:50

How could he stop you speaking in your mother tongue and bringing him up bilingual?

If the answer to that is not pleasant, think hard about your relationship.

DH never even considered not speaking in his mother tongue. It was just taken for granted.

ItalianWiking84 · 22/01/2014 21:38

I thought the more language you spoke the better. I speak Danish to our child, partner speaks Dutch, we speak English together and no problem with accent...
Btw I have Luxembourgish accent when speaking German and have NEVER experienced any intolerance from Germans

TamerB · 22/01/2014 22:01

I know a 3yr old who understands 3 languages with no problem.

Pipbin · 22/01/2014 22:46

I was talking to a friend who is non English and has a child with his English gf. He is a professor of very clever brain stuff (although that might not actually be his job title) and was saying that there is evidence that bilingual children perform better academically than monolingual children.

Also, they are your DCs. How is he going to stop you?

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