AIBU to expect a 'please' from a cashier when they ask me 4 money?

[ShakerattlenRoll]

I was in Marks and Spencers yesterday I had some rude cashier asking me to move my basket off the conveyer belt without even saying please.I thought I would let it go even though I was niggled by her barking an order at me and being so rude.I moved the basket and said nothing.When it came to paying the woman she asked for the money without saying 'Please'.I was so fed up with her by now that I pulled her up on it and tore a strip off of her.She subsequently apologised and I thought that would be the last of it.
I went back in this evening and went to another cashier and low and behold the same thing happened there when she asked for the money.There was no 'Please' I thought (ffs) what's going on here? I asked her whether it was Marks and Spencers policy to be so impolite when asking for the money when buying goods? She said no but she was not obliged to say 'please'.

I thought ok then if you want to argue the point lets get a manger involved.Along came a manager and he said to me that he didn't know what all the fuss was about and that the cashiers had done nothing wrong by not saying 'Please' when asking for the money and he said he would not be reprimanding them on it.He told me that by the cashier saying 'thank you' and 'have a nice day' was surfice and please was not needed.

I mean to say what is this world coming to? I was brought up to say 'please' and 'thank you' and i'm not going to stop now and i expect people to say please and thank you to me especially if I am a customer at Marks and Spencers being served by a cashier.

I will be making an official complaint tomorrow to the store manager and head office. Your views please.TYIA

[ShadowOfTheDay]

ah but Perp.... I said please AND I was friendly.......

so it doesn't help the please-overriding-friendly research....

not sure I could be grumpy and say please.... would help your research, but be against my nature.... .....

[ShadowOfTheDay]

SirC... definitely ....totally flawed.... but fun anyway....

[SirChenjin]

[SkinnybitchWannabe]

As I said many pages ago I work on a till and alwayd say please.
After reading alot of comments I went to work last night determined to try out not saying please when I say their totals...I just couldn't do it!
Maybe I've had it programmed into me for such a long time (22 years) that I'm now a robot!
Will keep trying though

[SockPinchingMonster]

YANBU, manners cost nothing and the cashiers should always say please. I can't believe the number of people on here thinking you are being unreasonable - a lot of rude, mannerless people use mumsnet obviously.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I am not so sure, SockPinching - I think, as others have said, that they are not asking you for the money, they are telling you the total your shopping comes to, so you know how much you need to pay them. Should they have to ask for the money, or isn't it an assumed part of the interaction - you have done the shopping, so you have to pay for it - they shouldn't need to beg you to do them the honour of paying for the stuff you want, should they?

[MajesticWhine]

I'm going to morrisons shortly. Can I have the lab coat please?

[HaroldLloyd]

In that case you should say first can I have my shopping please?

That will be thirty pounds please

Oh please can I pay

Yes please do

Thank you

No thank you

Thank you MORE.

[OldDaddy]

You didn't say "please can I ask AIBU". Rude git.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

Harold

[ShadowOfTheDay]

I just got back from Asda.... and am ashamed to say I did not notice if please was said or not... oops

but we did have a chat and a laugh at the checkout...

which raises a point - how the heck do you notice if someone said please or not... I was cued up to listen for it - and still didn't notice! more interested in packing my shopping and having a chat about stuff...

[Seff]

It's interesting that we all have different ideas of what "good manners" and "rudeness" are. I don't think please and thank you are the be all and end all. In fact, I think this thread has proved that just saying please and thank you doesn't stop you from being rude.

As an aside, I don't make my DD say please and thank you. I will remind her to ask nicely for things rather than shouting "more grapes NOW mummy" but please isn't necessary, and she usually will say thank you instead. IMO, kindness and consideration trump please and thank you.

[SirChenjin]

Absolutely - but generally speaking, people who have been raised to say please and thank you have also been raised to be kind and considerate. If someone holds a door open for you, you say thank you, if someone picks something up that you've dropped you say thank you - that type of thing...it's just manners. You don't have to say thanks, they don't have to pick up what you've dropped, but it's a kind gesture on their part that you acknowledge with a 'thanks' - if you are kind and considerate, that is.

[ShadowOfTheDay]

mmm- but what if the person said "I'm so clumsy, it was kind of you to pick it up for me, I really appreciate it."

no "thank you" explicitly said... just implied, and the full sentence probably made you feel better than a quick "thanks" ....

I am a kind and considerate person, but would probably have gone with the first option.... not "thanks"

the OP seems to think that the actual words please and thank you mean more.... whether said as if they mean it or just as an automatic scripted response....

[CosyTeaBags]

I've just been to fill up at the local Shell garage.

When my transaction was complete, the cashier said "Can you take your card Babe" - I grinned and thought of this thread.

Could someone tell me whether I should be offended that she a) didn't say please b) didn't say thank you c) took such an awfully familiar tone with me

Or alternatively should I be pleased to be called a 'babe' albeit by a 20-something bored girl?

[SirChenjin]

Really? I would just go for a quick "thanks, that's really kind of you" - but then I don't see please and thank you as a scripted response, just part of the overall mannerly conversation. There will also be times when a long winded sentence of 18 words is not appropriate, whereas a one word "thanks" with a smile will be fine - getting off a busy train, for example.

[SirChenjin]

at the Babe thing. Wrong on so many levels!

[perfectstorm]

Manners is not about using a set series of words in all occasions. It's about an attitude to others. And I say that as someone who was brought up to think "can I" was rude, because it should be "may I". My DH was appalled when our son said, "what?" when he couldn't hear something, and my mother just as appalled that DH had got him to say, "pardon?". Each thought the other was teaching DS bad manners, because they come from very, very different backgrounds. I brokered a compromise with "I'm sorry?" - because really, each thought the other's preference was awful. Yet in essence, it meant the same. Which IMO indicates the problem with reducing manners to formulaic language.

I genuinely couldn't tell you if someone says "please" or not when asking me for the amount at a till. I can tell you if they're friendly and smily, though. Surely that's the truly well-mannered part - making other people feel at ease?

[SirChenjin]

No, it's not a set of words - but it's all part of the package.

[NannyAnna]

You are not being unreasonable at all. It's not hard to say please. People just don't give a shit about each other nowadays!

[FoxMulder]

I can't say I've ever noticed if a cashier says 'please' to me. I must pay more attention in the future!

Don't Europeans take the piss out of us for the number of times we say 'please' and 'thank you' when making a transaction. I've heard it's a peculiarly British thing.

[TaraKnowles]

I love the op's use of the phrase 'speaking my truths'.