To be really hurt and angry about this?

[Popscene88]

Hi.

There are fewer more pointless arguments than the ones you have in the middle of the night. Nobody is rational or nice

Sounds to me like he doesn't "get it" at all. As others have said, one wake up call in the night is very good for a baby of this age.

It is very difficult for you to feel sympathy for dh being woken up/slightly disturbed when you are doing the actual caring during the night. But maybe he should sleep in another room or on the sofa regularly (not necessarily always) as a planned thing rather than huffing off in the night.

Is there someone neutral who knows about these things and who he listens to who you can trust to give him a gentle reminder that this is normal for new babies? So that he doesn't just think it's you being a know it all? He does need to accept that you probably do know better than him at this stage bearing in mind it's you doing the actual feeding.

Some people are just really grumpy when woken up at night. However, it is his responsibility to rein it in and remember that you are doing the hard stuff and not him!

Or you could point him in the direction of any reputable book on the subject - some men like to read the manual when they start something new!

Mim - I agree, but why is it the OP's job to point this out? Sounds like she's the only adult out of the three of them...

Amen to that, Wibbly!

Thanks again everyone. He is aware we are lucky that she only wakes once in the night but he is always a grump if woken up. I've made him aware that's not an excuse for speaking to me like that though and he is very apologetic.

We have told MIL not to come over (there are other issues there which mean it would be more stressful for both of us if she did) and he is going to give her a bottle tonight at 11 and also he is now responsible for her baths so hopefully he will feel more involved.

Ugh. Come back all I said. It lasted until I started to do dinner and he bathed her and got her ready for bed, put her in the basket and sat down. She got grizzly as she always does and it was "oh shut up DD" whilst grudgingly rocking her, giving her dummy etc (I kept an eye and ear on them whilst in the kitchen. Then as soon as we had eaten and I was free he said he needed to go to the shop for mouthwash (he usually nips to the shop for something random every night, it's his way of getting time away and he thinks i don't realise.) as he was leaving she started crying again and he was all for gods sake DD!

I said calmly look honey remember she is only 6 weeks and doesn't know she should be asleep by 7pm, she will learn etc and he said "but its all the t

Whoops!

...."it's all the time I just want 5 minutes"

I just dont know how to make him realise she is not going to start sleeping through?

And as for having 5 minutes, when he gets home from work he kisses her then has a bath so he does get about an hour to himself!

He is a really lovely compassionate person who loves DD with all his heart. I'm a bit worried about him as he has anxiety and depression so it could be that is creeping up again? He is on medication for it but perhaps the extra problem is making him bad again.

I just want him not to be annoyed with her :-(

Oh dear his anxiety levels do sound a bit high. I wonder if you can suggest he gets a counsellor? I can't see this getting better on its own. Hes not even sleep deprived if shes only up for ten mins at night. Wait till she starts getting colic and screaming for hours or even teething. Nip this in the bud and get help nowx

He has a fucking bath for an HOUR every evening when he gets in from work?

He must be the most relaxed man in Christendom with all that "me time" he's getting.

THEN he takes himself off out of the house every evening too?

It must be great being you, stuck in the house alone with a baby while Lord Muck wallows in his bath of fucking asses milk and then take himself off out to the pub shop.

I'd fucking kill him for being such a useless, whiny twat.

Playfellows. He has mental health problems.

He got back from the shop and without me saying anything he apologised again and said he has been feeling really down and stressed because of his mum and sister (to cut a long story short his parents had a very nasty divorce last year and all three of them - mum, dad and sister- have been acting like twats and using OH as a sounding board/emotional punchbag as he is the only one out of them who isn't a completely self involved, entitled arsewipe).

I knew there would be something behind it. And he said he will deal with it and knows it's not right to take it out on DD. And since he got back he has been very good with her.

It really doesn't mean that he can do it on his own. if he is getting frustrated with a newborn dd he needs someone to help him learn how to cope. Life with always have challenges and he needs to learn how to cope without getting stroppy and sulky.

I never saw the point of both of us being woken in the night when I was breast-feeding. The deal was that I would sort them out (obviously!) and only call on dh if I really needed help. He slept in the spare room, but was 'in charge' late evening (after I'd gone for an early night) bringing the baby to me for a late feed when he went to bed. He then got up with them in the morning (I'd feed them, but he'd get them up/dressed etc.. whilst I dozed for a bit longer)
Once a week, he gave a bottle during the night so I could get a full unbroken night's sleep.
It worked for us - no one ever wins the "competitive tiredness" row. And I think there's far greater likelihood of you becoming distant from each other by rowing through lack of sleep than there is by one of you sleeping in the spare room for a little while.