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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking family to make a two hour journey for a party

69 replies

ShabbyChic8 · 20/01/2014 21:42

All my family: parents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents live within a few miles of each other. Me, my husband and my daughter live a two hour drive away. AIBU to think that they might travel that distance to come to my daughters first birthday party?

I genuinely don't know if it's a big ask. I do the journey all the time because if I didn't I wouldn't have seen any of them in years so for me it's nothing now but I wonder if it's too much to ask or expect.

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 20/01/2014 21:44

A babys first birthday party is really only for the parents, you can ask but state that you know the drive is long and they are under no obligation to attend.

Or to do the eco thing you could just take one car and visit with a cake etc.

SolidGoldBrass · 20/01/2014 21:44

Are any/all of them really old, suffering from mobility issues or very weak bladders or something? A two-hour journey is not that big a deal to a healthy adult - I regularly travel for a couple of hours on buses to go to a party (and three hours on night buses to get home).

CMOTDibbler · 20/01/2014 21:47

If you want them to be together to mark your dds birthday, then I'd take her and a cake to them.

To me, childrens birthdays are about the child and any friends they have at that point, not something to travel 2 hours to though

Lulu1083 · 20/01/2014 21:49

I think it depends if it would just be family attending. If you're having friends as well then have it at your house, invite them and if they can't make it you can still have the party, and do something else with them. If you don't ask you'll never know!

MyNameIsKenAdams · 20/01/2014 21:51

Could you meet them halfway at a zoo or similar attraction your dd may enjoy and do a picnic or similar?

Id travel two hours no probs to see my neice/nephew.on their first birthday.

IneedAwittierNickname · 20/01/2014 21:52

I'd travel 2 hours to attend my nephews 1st birthday party, but me and db are close.

parakeet · 20/01/2014 21:53

Just as long as you don't start giving it the old "I'm so hurt and sad on behalf of my daughter" if people don't want to come. First birthday parties are purely for the parents' benefit.

IloveJudgeJudy · 20/01/2014 21:54

My family are also of the type to travel quite a distance for a party. All you can do is invite them and see what happens.

Greenoes · 20/01/2014 21:56

We live 2.5 hours from all of DP's family (he had moved away before I met him). The reality is, that it's far easier for the four of us to visit them rather than 6/7 car loads of them coming to us. It's frustrating sometimes as I know I'll never host Christmas Day for them but they did all come here once for DP's 40th and it was stressful! They all arrived within minutes of each other and it was a little overwhelming!
For birthdays etc, we book a restaurant near them, we get to see everyone and no washing up! Smile

SlightlyDampWellies · 20/01/2014 21:57

I am of the 'invite and they can decide for themselves' variety.

But we live bleeding miles from everyone. I genuinely do not care if people feel they are unable, and am delighted if they can, and I leave it at that.

blackandwhiteandredallover · 20/01/2014 21:57

I think 2 hours each way is quite a trek. Why not have a little tea party with friends at home, and a family do closer to where they live the following week?

BackforGood · 20/01/2014 21:57

While she is still so easily transported it does seem sensible to hold the birthday tea whee e eyone else lives, tbh.

BadRoly · 20/01/2014 21:58

I would invite them to yours. We made the mistake when dc1 was a baby of always being the ones who travelled to see dh's family.

Now it's expected - to the extent we get told it's such a long way for them to come to us but clearly only a long way in one direction then in the next breath are summoned to big family get togethers...

Hulababy · 20/01/2014 21:59

Well, I have travelled further than that for birthday parties for my nieces, and would do for my nephew too. Have also done so for friend's and friends' DC's birthday parties.

However, haven't done it as a round trip in one day - have only done it when staying over, and generally at their house. So we make a weekend of it - staying Friday pm to Sunday lunch.

Not sure I'd do it for a relative I didn't know as well or see so often, unless it was a "proper" party/event tbh though.

BaronessBomburst · 20/01/2014 21:59

We live too far away from relatives too so for DS' first birthday DH took the day off work and we went to an aquarium together. We've got some lovely photos and bought him a toy as a souvenir. The whole day felt really special.

BillyBanter · 20/01/2014 22:00

I'm not sure they would if they don't bother any other time.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 20/01/2014 22:01

YANBU My most of my family all live approx 1 1/2 - 2 hrs away and they all came for DDs birthday. First and second actually. We also travel for anything going on with them.

I'm sure people won't mind the travel.

5Foot5 · 20/01/2014 22:01

Sorry but I wouldn't travel even half that distance for a first birthday party.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 20/01/2014 22:04

Sorry I meant YANBU to ask. Obviously the decision is ultimately theirs.

Phineyj · 20/01/2014 22:06

YANBU, we/DPs live this distance from my DSis and visit often for such events. You can give them the option and see.

Rosencrantz · 20/01/2014 22:08

Have the party at your parents?

nelliesmum · 20/01/2014 22:09

It's only two hours for heavens sake...

itispersonal · 20/01/2014 22:10

Its my dd 1st birthday end of March and we are expecting them to come to us and they live 2 hours away.

SparkleSoiree · 20/01/2014 22:13

We are a two hour drive from DH's family and we all drive to and from each other's homes for family events, anything really from spending the day with each other to weddings, christenings, birthday parties, etc.

If people want to be there they will.

DontmindifIdo · 20/01/2014 22:13

YANBU to ask. Also, YANBU to want to hold a 1st birthday party at your home/near your home, but YABU if you get upset that they don't want to go.

Arrange the party, invite them and other people who are more local.

Do your parents and siblings never come to your house then? That's quite sad if they never make an effort to come to see you. It's going to be harder to maintain a good grandparent relationship if they won't make the effort to ever come to you.

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