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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking family to make a two hour journey for a party

69 replies

ShabbyChic8 · 20/01/2014 21:42

All my family: parents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents live within a few miles of each other. Me, my husband and my daughter live a two hour drive away. AIBU to think that they might travel that distance to come to my daughters first birthday party?

I genuinely don't know if it's a big ask. I do the journey all the time because if I didn't I wouldn't have seen any of them in years so for me it's nothing now but I wonder if it's too much to ask or expect.

OP posts:

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt · 21/01/2014 11:26

An invitation is not an expectation.

However, I'm also in the boat where I'm the one who lives away from family and friends that I grew up with. Family are pretty good, but friends are definitely of the opinion that the M1 does not go in two directions.

SlightlyDampWellies · 21/01/2014 11:31

That is really true, Girl. (I always say 'invitation, not obligation')

My DParents live 5 hours away from our home town. They have friends who consistently refuse to visit for a weekend, as it is 'much too far for a weekend' yet invite them a few times a year for dinner only. Which my DParents often do go to. (They stay in a Premier Inn equivalent if they do go).

KellyElly · 21/01/2014 11:57

Ask away. They can say yes or no.

TravelinColour · 21/01/2014 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenAndTween · 21/01/2014 12:30

I think 2 hours each way is a big ask if they are only going to be at your house for eg 1 hour. (My reference points - 20min commute, children walk to school).

Not such a big asking if you are hosting for lunch, whole afternoon, and evening meal too.

Floggingmolly · 21/01/2014 12:33

A four hour round trip for a first birthday party?? I wouldn't.

TheNumberfaker · 21/01/2014 12:41

I'm with Badroly.

We live just over an hour from ILs. We travel to them once or twice a month. They come to us once or twice a year.

Original poster

ShabbyChic8 · 22/01/2014 17:59

Thank you for your responses. It's good to get alternative opinions. I did ask and I have had 'no's from all except parents, sister and brother. I'm sad but not surprised. Thanks again.

OP posts:

NewBeginings · 22/01/2014 18:02

I think that's quite a good response tbh!

Joiningthegang · 22/01/2014 18:03

Not as long as you don't get offended if they decide not to make a 4 hour round trip.

vestandknickers · 22/01/2014 18:06

First birthdays are really only for the parents. Sounds like you've had a great response if your parents, Brother and Sister are coming. I don't think you can feel let down if more distant relatives don't want to spend four hours travelling when your baby won't even realise it is her birthday! Enjoy the day with the people who are there - don't fret about those who aren't.

happygirl87 · 22/01/2014 18:18

I travelled 2 hours for my goddaughter's first bday, and 3 hours (with 8 year old DSD, by tube, train and cab!) to my cousin's baby's first bday. You can only ask.

SpookedMackerel · 22/01/2014 18:27

I think two hours is nothing.
Dd and I travel an hour each way every week just to meet up with a friend for coffee.

And my dad used to drive a 2 hour round trip every Sunday to pick up his aunt for Sunday lunch at ours because her son had moved to America so she was on her own. And then he'd take her back again after lunch, another 2 hours.

BackforGood · 22/01/2014 18:32

When my dc were little, we'd invite Grandparents, GreatGrandparents, Aunts, Uncles, etc over for a tea party around about their birthdays, not specifically because it was important for anyone other than parents as an event, per se, but it just acted as a prompt to get together as an extended family, otherwise, with people all having their own busy lives, you could turn round and realise it was a year since you last saw them all.
So I guess how depends how you see the 'occasion', and if there are lots of other times in the year you all get together.

DontmindifIdo · 22/01/2014 18:53

I think that's a good response too, and probably they are the only people you will be able to stay close to if you live so far from extended family, given the time constraints little children bring to your lives.

PleaseJustLeaveYourBrotherAlon · 22/01/2014 19:00

If you do it for them it would be nice for them to do it for you. Just the first bday though.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 22/01/2014 21:00

I live 7 hours from my family 10 from middle brother and his family. I go up to see my mum 2 / 3 times a year and she used to come to me twice but she is quite elderly now and its more tricky for her. Neither DB's come to see us unless they are on holiday in my area yet I am expected to travel up for christenings, special birthday's and now a 25th wedding do. so no 2 hours is nothing, just invite them if you want them there but be prepared for a no and just shrug.

mercibucket · 22/01/2014 21:23

thats a really good response!

Fruli · 22/01/2014 21:26

A lot of our family live three hours away. I invited them all for DD's baptism and most of them came. I didn't them invite them all for her birthday as it was only a few months later and didn't want to burden them. We had a garden party with local friends and family.

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