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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit irritated by my friends ignoring my message? Facebook related. sorry....

31 replies

bebbeau · 20/01/2014 10:16

disclaimer: i am 28 weeks pregnant and a lot bit hormonal and sensitive so be a bit gentle with me please Blush

i sometimes go for breakfast with 3 of my good friends, we live on opposite sides of the city so we meet in the middle as it were, it takes a bit of planning sometimes as we all have dcs. so yesterday morning i sent a group fb message out saying does anyone fancy meeting for breakfast this week.

i saw that the message has been read by all of them, more or less as soon as i sent it

and they have all been on FB posting and commenting loads etc since then so why is my message so unimportant? even if no one could make it, i don;t mind, they could at least just say!

bear in mind that if any of the others send a message arranging this everyone replies immediately Hmm

i just feel a bit ignored. but don't want to look needy or clingy by saying anything... sigh .....it was easier in the olden days when you just rang people and they either answered the phone or they didn't...

OP posts:
selfdestructivelady · 20/01/2014 10:18

I get upset over this and I am not pg so yanbu.

littlemissmuppetmoo · 20/01/2014 10:21

Facebook could be playing up and you aren't getting your replies?

LyndaCartersBigPants · 20/01/2014 10:21

It is annoying but I think FB can be a bit hit and miss. When people ask if I've seen their message as I was online, it could just be that my computer is switched on without me there, but by the time I actually see the message other things have come in.

Perhaps try sending a text next time instead. I find that gets a better response than FB which needs people to be on there regularly or to have their message settings ticked to send notifications etc.

It could just be that your friends are inconsiderate cow bags, but give them the benefit of the doubt this time and prompt with a text.

JimmyChooChoo · 20/01/2014 10:28

OP- it's very convenient to ignore messages as they could have been stressed/ busy / low on cash at this particular time etc

I find the best way forward in the future is to say 'hi xyz - I'm going for coffee this week - feel free to join me'

Or why not invite them to yours?

Saying that they could actually be rude and not really good friends- have they ignored you in the past? Are they good friends in general?

Joysmum · 20/01/2014 10:40

Personally I see group invitation on Facebook as rude.

If someone wants to invite me anywhere, at least have the common decency to express your wish to see me by inviting me in person, rather than as part of a big 'anybody will do' invite

FunkyBoldRibena · 20/01/2014 10:41

Perhaps they have other things on at the moment or are a bit skint [it is the end of January!]

PavlovtheCat · 20/01/2014 10:43

telephone them. And ask them directly. They can then either say yes, or no.

YABU. Facebook is not meant to replace normal communication.

PavlovtheCat · 20/01/2014 10:44

or maybe it is has replaced normal communication and what I think is normal communication is no longer normal. Like writing a letter to someone. I wouldn't do that as it's a bit 'oldskool' and would email instead. So, perhaps this is just telling me i am old.

LowLevelWhinging · 20/01/2014 10:48

I do this all the time; see a message and think, I'll reply later when I'm not covered in kids, or when I've checked my diary or whatever.

It's just the nature of FB though.

You're assuming you're being snubbed when actually you don't know why they've not replied.

Joysmum · 20/01/2014 12:00

It's not about being old, it's about relating to your friends in a way that is relevant to them.

I text people who appreciate texting but would never text my dad. I phone people who appreciate that, I never 'pop in' unannounced despite this being normal in years gone by.

Personally though, if somebody wants to see me, I want to see them if I can and won't forget about replying. If it's a general message to multiple people, that person doesn't want to see me, anyone will do and I won't be inclined to bother.

Mintyy · 20/01/2014 12:02

Its short notice.

MuddlingMackem · 20/01/2014 12:19

If the invitation is a status update then tag each of them in the message, that way it'll show up in their notifications bit at the top.

Or send a group PM, again, it'll show up in their notifications.

Assuming they do work through/check their notifications then they shouldn't miss the message.

Original poster
bebbeau · 20/01/2014 13:45

it was not a big group invitation, it was a private message to 3 of my friends, this is how we usually communicate, facebook or texts but mostly facebook tbh as we all have phones that have fb on and its free and easy to use

i suppose it was quite late notice but they could have just said no

and i can't ring or text them now as i know they have seen it and i will look needy...aaargh

thanks for the replies though :)

OP posts:
withdrawalhell · 20/01/2014 22:03

they are ignorant cows and this kind of thing literally makes me want to scream!!!!!

Just friggin reply!!!

my sympathies! x

withdrawalhell · 20/01/2014 22:04

they are ignorant cows and this kind of thing literally makes me want to scream!!!!!

Just friggin reply!!!

my sympathies! x

Rosencrantz · 20/01/2014 22:11

They will reply. Just give them time!

Sometimes you read it, can't be bothered to reply straight away and then it slips your mind. They will reply!

SmudgyDVDsAreEvil · 20/01/2014 22:14

Can you really tell that a PM (or post) has been read by a particular person? I never knew that. I always find FB a bit random as to what it chooses to flag up and frequently miss things when they first appear.

But if it was a PM and you regularly PM them (so it goes into an In Box that they actually check) then that seems odd. But I guess you do have to allow some time for them checking they can make it etc.

(Actually that's one of the things I hate about FB - if you eg 'like' one person's post, you feel like everyone will notice and get affronted that you've ignored their post. It's a minefield.)

BlackDaisies · 20/01/2014 22:19

Annoying! What you have to do now is grab some people off the street and take some photos of you all beaming over a latte. Then you post up the pics with a message of what a FANTASTIC time you had having BREAKFAST with friends this week. Along with some supersweet messages to your friends about "must meet up soon." Alternatively take yourself off Facebook, which is very liberating if you manage to do it!

magnumicelolly · 20/01/2014 22:23

The private messages tell you at the bottom who has read them, or at least that is what happens on mine.

Mellowandfruitful · 20/01/2014 22:25

This is why I don't like FB . Has this ever happened before - do they usually take longer to reply to your messages than others, or is this truly a one off?

MsVestibule · 20/01/2014 22:36

The fact that you invited them by FB is neither here nor there. Some people see the word 'Facebook' and throw their hands up in horror. You PMed them, (which, for the non-FB users is exactly the same principle as sending an email) which they have ignored. It's not like you put a post on your timeline inviting all of our FB friends, is it?

They are being rude. They should have at least replied with a yes, no or maybe. Can you send a chaser simply saying "Anybody??!" Although I know what you mean about appearing too needy!

Mia4 · 20/01/2014 22:46

Why don't you just add another message to the chain saying 'I'm guessing that's a no then? Catch up with you all soon'. Either you'll get replies probably along the lines of being busy and forgetting or they'll all ignore again. If it's the later then at least you know.

BigWellyLittleWelly · 20/01/2014 22:50

My phone gets me in trouble all the time with fb chat messages, it scrolls them across the screen and then saves them on the pull down window. When I open the phone the pull down shoes the nessage and tells the sender I've read it. Even though I usually haven't had a proper read IYSWIM

Original poster
bebbeau · 22/01/2014 14:43

thanks all, i feel less unreasonable now

still no replies btw

ah well

OP posts:
Mia4 · 22/01/2014 16:02

Op have you sent another message or just waited on this one? If not then send another? There's no.point waiting- they may not have seen or remembered. At least you will.know that they have little interest rather then wonder

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