to realise after 20 years of doing the same job, that I'm actually crap at it?

[GemmaPomPom]

I feel really ashamed admitting this. Growing up, I always wanted to be a secretary. When I got to 20, I did a shorthand and typing course and finally realised my dream .

So I have been a secretary of sorts for 20 years. I am now an 'Executive Assistant'. During the time I have been a secretary, I have also done a degree and a Business diploma. However, I have lost more jobs than anyone I know and I think it is generally because I am pretty crap at what I do. Some jobs have worked out really well and my bosses have loved me, some have been a disaster. I also seem to have a problem getting on with HR type people. For instance, one of the guys in our HR department didn't do something he was supposed to do for me, and I lost 200 quid. I can't afford to insure my car this month because of it so am having to take taxis to work. But it is a case of "how dare Gemma be so nasty to HR Man?". I tend to make enemies, even though I get on well with everyone else. I always seem to look like the 'bad guy' when it is the other person's fault, if that makes sense.

So my CV looks great, if a bit patchy and job-hoppy. I think the problem is that my heart just isn't in it. I am not in the slightest bit interested in what I do. I do enough to get by but tend to only do stuff so that people like me, rather than to do a good job. In fact, the best secretary-boss relationships I have had have been with utter nightmare bosses who no-one else gets on with. Guys like that tend to like me. I think because I am scared so do a good job because of it.

I also run a part-time beauty business on the side. I go to people's houses to do beauty treatments, just in the evenings and weekends. I would love to do this full-time, I am an awesome beauty therapist (so my clients tell me ) but it just doesn't pay enough.

So I am stuck in a job I hate and I am rubbish at.

Please, please, someone tell me I am not the only one.

Realising and admitting that you are not great at your job makes you extremely unusual, and honest. That's to be commended.

Loads of people are no good at their jobs and can't accept it. The sector I work in is rife with incompetence. You are one step ahead of most people by being clear sighted.

You don't state your age, but you could be only late thirties if you started work straight from school. It's never too late to change career. Beauty therapy may not be suitable, but something else will be. Good luck.

Thanks Financeprincess for saying something nice, I really appreciate it. I am feeling a bit shit at the mo, tbh. Actually, I am in my 40s as I spent a long time on the dole before secretarial college.

Wow, I'm such a failure &

Thanks Euphemia. I provide a mobile beauty service although only making roughly 25% of what I make in my day job. However, I am just much better at this. One of my clients said I was "famous" the other day. It made me laugh, but was a bit poignant in that I am kind of trapped in a job I hate, whereas if we didn't need the money so much I would give it up in a heartbeat to do what I am actually good at.

I'm trapped in a job I hate too, OP.

But unlike you I have no business on the side and nothing else I'm good at!

So I'm an even worse failure than you!

FaerieBells sorry to hear that . How do you keep yourself motivated when you hate it?

Are you sure you couldn't retrain to be a full time beauty therapist? (whatever that is, sorry, ignorant). Only I know that it's one of those industries that is always booming with lots of different ways to work in it. We have a depressed high Street full of charity shops & hairdressers; the beauty salons will still be there when even the charity shops can't tough it out any more.

If you gave up the day job you'd have more time to devote to the beauty therapy & therefore would earn more from it. There'd obviously be a lag period before it was properly up & running but are you sure you can't afford to make the leap - it seems such a shame.

Try costing it all up (including cheaper holidays, hanging on to the old car, whatever) & see where you are - you might be surprised.

I left a regular job I hated over 3 years ago (to become freelance in the same field) & worried a lot about whether I'd get enough work. It has been fine. The day I gave in my notice we drank champagne - it was such a relief.

You could always do some secretarial work on the side for a bit - typing up dissertations & so on.

Thanks lljkk. Actually I don't need much training as such. The services I offer are very limited, I stick to what I am good at. There are two more services that I would like to add and I would like to replace my kit and get some more stock. That's about it. All in all it would cost less than £2,000.

But the pesky rent and utility bills keep bringing me back to reality...

I used to be really really good at my job and absolutely loved it but, as is the way, my role changed over time, it became much more high pressured, busier, less staff employed and coupled with a workplace bully and very few colleagues giving a toss I lost heart. I tried to address the issues but, alongside a close family bereavement, a child with sn's and my own ill health it became too much and I walked. I am lucky that I could afford to do this (well, not really but we will have to manage) as I could not have continued as I was. Clients kept telling me I was fantastic and doing a really good job but I knew I was sinking and no longer giving it my best or what they deserved.

I understand exactly where you are coming from and hope you find a solution.

I left a regular job I hated over 3 years ago (to become freelance in the same field) & worried a lot about whether I'd get enough work. It has been fine. The day I gave in my notice we drank champagne - it was such a relief.

Good for you, that's great - you are an inspiration

At the moment there is no way that I could do this, but I have a plan... we have a lot of credit card debt. This happened because I spent my entire pregnancy on bed rest so had to give up my job. We simply couldn't live on DH's salary. The credit card saved us, but we have to pay that back. It is shitloads. However, I have a budget in place to do that: no fun or clothes or anything else for 10 months then we will be out of debt.

When that day comes, maybe I could save like crazy to cover the first few months then jack in my day job and do the mobile beauty full-time? In the meantime, just do it part-time and improve my skills and build on my client base?

Would it be irresponsible to give up a well-paid job (admittedly one I suck at) to do beauty full-time?

I'm in my forties too and similarly experiencing uncomfortable moments of revelation like this. For instance, I realised this week that, despite having built a part of my careeer / expertise on children, I am not by nature patient enough. Actually, I'm not sure I actually really like them very much! This doesn't make me a great mother either. Another is a realisation that I've never been a person that people - including close family - found easy to really really love.
But I think this time of life must also be one if deepening understanding and greater honesty with oneself and I think there's a power in that.
One thing is, that knowing yourself more clearly, you're in a good position to develop yourself in those areas. For example, I'm doing a course in Loving Kindness meditation and Compassion.
Another thing is, clarity puts you in a better frame of mind to make new career choices.
Keep looking for a way to switch careers. You just have to think about really hard, and it may take a while. Good luck and stay honest!

I also wonder whether you could shift to 50/50 in each job. Could you go to being a temp secretary? I did this years ago for a bit and don't think I was very good at it but when people are moving on all the time the building relationships part is far less important. I would definitely look for a way out of your current place. Agree t.at all the salons by me seen to be doing really well.

Op, you have an advantage, you know what you like and are good at.

Get wise about the potential of this business, how much money can it potentially bring in? How about advertising, flyers, etc. How big is your client circle? Do you live in a big city with lots of potential new clients?

Have you got qualifications in beauty therapy? Do you need any?

I would be very happy in your situation. I have been in my job for 20 years and although I most of the time think I'm good at it, I don't want to do it anymore, but have no alternative.

Mellow's idea is a good one. Bit of temping, lots of beauty therapy work. I agree with you that it's probably best to get out of debt first, as that's another big source of stress you could do without.

I recognise a lot of what Jinty has described, as my last job was very like that. I didn't realise quite how stressed it was making me until I got a new one. During my notice period my colleague across the office kept saying 'You're grinning again!' Yes indeed, and life is so much better now, even though I'm earning less than I was. We spend too much time at work for it to be worthwhile staying in a job that's making us miserable.

You have to balance up whether you could cut your spending by moving to a smaller/cheaper place, switching gas/electricity providers, wearing more jumpers, having fewer holidays or cheaper ones, cutting back on clothes spending, meals out, etc etc. Time for a long, frank talk with your OH, I'd say.

I think you are lucky to have another avenue to explore That.you know you are good at. Tbh, it doesn't sound so much like you are crap at your job as you don't care enough to do more than the essentials. I feel like this in my job. Sometimes have projects, usually ones I have created, I care about, but usually I feel gripped by existential crisis by wasting my life feeding a bureaucratic machine. So there are others like you!

I think you may be a bit hard on yourself with the making enemies. Everyone has this with some people. It seems from your post you get on with most people.

Thanks nosleeptillbedtime for telling me that I am not alone !

I would keep my day job AND beauty job for another 1/2/3 years to build a solid client base. Once I see that the beauty business outgrew its position as only a top up job I would quit the day job and go beaty business full time.
Starting a business is a risky thing, so having something more stable and lucrative while the business is at early stage is enormous help.
Most of people find themselves stuck at their career at some point. But many many don't have another skill or another passion to make career change. You have both and it is a HUGE advantage. You just need to make sure that your dream job is financially sustainable. Which I think it is (judging by the industry). Good luck!

And fwiw, if your clients praise you so much, I don't think you have poor people skills. From my experience, beaty business is half about technical skills and half about people skills. So don't worry about that much (unless there's more to this story about HR people).

I am the same.

Have done the same job for about 17 years. I quite like it and I enjoy the benefits and flexibility it allows me but when all said and done, I am actually quite bad at it.

Thanks for your honesty, Tryharder. Does anybody notice that you are bad at your job?

Gemma you are in a fantastic position. 10 months paying off debt, 8 months saving - a year and a half and you can be ready to start a new life doing a job you love and are good at. That makes you extraordinarily lucky - and you've got secretarial temping to fall back on if the new business has a rough patch. Count your blessings and go for it.

Could you not find a part-time EA job? And do beauty therapy on the days you are not in the office?

Thanks BubaMarra and ItsATIARA for your positiveness with regard to my situation. I can do this! In fact, I think I need to do this. What is the point in doing a job I am crap at when there is something else I can do that I am good at? Yes, money, but hopefully I can build up enough clients over the next 10 months to ditch the day job and do this full-time.

I know this makes me sad, but I have a full Business Plan (done at work, ha!) that is so good it could be presented to a bank. Not that I would as I won't need finance, but that is how keen I am to do this. I enjoy filling in spreadsheets and doing financial projections, etc.

I spend so much time daydreaming about my little business, it's embarrassing

I think your plans sounds great and good for you - you clearly are very self aware. I think some HR people can be a difficult just like in all professions. I was meant to get a pay rise once (fairly standard for passing my probation) and it didn't turn up for months despite me chasing my manager and as well as costing me money it was impacting on my ability to get a mortgage. So in the end I made an appointment with HR. Her response ? "This is the first time I have met you and your coming to me with something negative" ! Who meets with HR to tell them everything is going well? Got my rise though.

Good luck - am sure you will be great .