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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my DCs do enough activities

61 replies

6tantrumsaday · 19/01/2014 20:53

I was talking to my SIL today and she said that I am not allowing my DCs to do enough activities and it's my own fault for having too many in the house.
So I am throwing it to you guys because I don't really know what's normal.

DSS 1 - football Monday, Friday and Saturday (he plays for the local team and a club) and Scouts Thursday

DSS 2- drama Monday Scouts Thursday computer club Friday and swimming and art club on Saturday

DD - beavers Wednesday swimming Saturday

DS - swimming Saturday

DSS are 11 and chose what they wanted to do. DD is 6 and DS is 3

Apparently my youngest two don't do enough and we are neglecting them because we love DSS more. I think that the youngest two are too little to be doing activities all week. SIL has 2 DCs and they do an activity every day. So who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
QueenofLouisiana · 19/01/2014 22:15

DS did swimming and Beavers/ Cubs until September.(He was 8 in May) he now swims 4 times a week, plays rugby and goes to Cubs. TBH, I think it is a bit much, but rugby finishes at the beginning of April and when he goes back next September he will just drop a swim (probably life saving).
He doesn't get a lot of homework and we are making the most if this as it will change when he gets older.

PavlovtheCat · 19/01/2014 22:19

YANBU.

DD - diving/swimming. plus sewing/craft club after school. SHe is 7. Thinking of Brownies, but that might be too much for her us to cope with, in our eyes. But not according to your SIL.
DS - just this week gone started swimming lessons, once a week. He is 4. before this. Nowt other than being dragged around the place following DD's activities Grin

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 19/01/2014 23:08

My 5 year old DD does swimming and ju jitsu and my 3 year old son does just swimming. I think that's fairly normal at their ages. My DD was doing tennis as well but I've given her this term off as it's too chilly and I think she's enjoying having a bit more free time.

elfycat · 19/01/2014 23:17

YANBU. One or two activities are more than enough at that age.

Here we have DD1 (5yo next month) karate up to 3 times a week but usually twice. Just restarted swimming after 1 term of reception, having given her the term off as she was knackered after school.

DD2 (just 3) Swimming once a week.

So it's not the number of children that's your problem, but rather a daft SIL.

CaffeinatedKitten · 20/01/2014 00:27

The Elderspawn goes to band twice a week, scouts once a week and hits things with sticks after school once a week. Middlespawn goes to beavers, used to do after school club but has given it up. Smallestspawn is a toddler and gets to go to and fro to all the other stuff whilst eating biscuits and plotting world domination from his pushchair. He can usually be bribed into geniality with a 50p doughnut from tesco and a conversation about animated pigs.

It is a lot, but they enjoy it and we can just about handle it. If you can handle your timetable and everyone is happy that matters, then tell your sister in law to take up jogging on:o

lljkk · 20/01/2014 03:03

SIL is U.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 20/01/2014 07:44

Mine did only swimming lessons aged 3-5.

But as they get older, I think it depends on the children IYSWIM.
Mine are older, 10, 14, and 15 and they do loads of stuff, they have done since about aged 6-7.
I've had to say no to some activities for ds2 because he wants to do everything every single day of the week. I would prefer he had a couple of evenings where we didnt have to rush and go somewhere but he has too much energy, if he isn't doing a club, he is in the garden.
I get tired just looking at him sometimes.

But yes, your SIL is BU.

It's entirely up to you and your family what activities your DCs do. There's no point finding things aged 3 for them to do, just for the sake of it.

throckenholt · 20/01/2014 08:01

Your SIL is a loon. There is no rule that says kids have to be in supervised activities all the time. In fact there is a well used argument that kids need time out of "institutions" to develop their own ideas.

Either tell her to but out - or just ignore her.

Bet most of us only did a fraction of the "activities" our kids do - but probably spent much more time outside with our mates doing our own thing (and grew up fine).

Onesiegoddess · 20/01/2014 08:16

Agree sis is a loon

Fantail · 20/01/2014 08:17

You are very, very reasonable.

DD does is 3, goes to daycare 4 days a week and I go to a French play group with her on Saturdays during term time. We take her swimming once a week, and will probably do group swimming lessons in summer.

We used to do a gym class on the day she didn't have daycare but stopped as she was happier pottering around with me at home.

As a former swimming teacher I completely agree with the swimming. At 11 I was doing 10+ hours of extra activities a week, but this was my choice and I was happy to put in the effort, plus as the sport was school teams the transport wasn't too bad for my parents.

I think at primary school age it is about developing interests in areas that schools don't spend a lot of time on so music, dance, drama or speech and then swimming, plus any commitments to team sports.

Wisteria36 · 20/01/2014 09:21

Op I think your activities look plenty. They def need time for free play and rest at home. My Ds1 (reception) was an only child until recently and does dance after school one evening and swimming after school on Fri (school have a half day so no late finish), on sat he does a language and a music class - this is total maximum I think and we will drop at least one thing when he goes into year 1. Some of his school friends do an activity every night and both weekend days and it seems to work for them but mine would be way too tired for that.

mrsjay · 20/01/2014 09:25

some people seem to think that children need every single minute of their day filled up with fun/education/activities they don't it is exhausting for them to be dragged here there and everywhere every night, you sound like your children have a nice balance,although saturday seems a bit busy

MrsOakenshield · 20/01/2014 09:28

out of interest, all these children doing swimming every week - do your children never have colds? One of the reasons I haven't signed up for swimming lessons is that DD more often than not (feels like since October) has a sniffle at best, full on cold at worst, which puts me off taking her swimming as I think it'll just get worse? Am I being unduly precious? I'm not too bothered, I certainly couldn't swim when I was 4, even though a friend has implied I'm being almost negligent by not ensuring DD has this life skill.

PavlovtheCat · 20/01/2014 09:33

mrs yes, you are being precious Grin seriously though, don't let that stop your LO from learning. DS and DD get colds occasionally, nothing huge or very regular, although DS had a cough for a good couple of months before christmas. Swimming doesn't make it worse/they don't get more colds when swimming etc, no more than socialising with any other activity and bugs that go around. DS only just started formal lessons but has been swimming weekly with me/DH for a long time. I think exercise of any kind improves immune system.

lovelyredwine · 20/01/2014 09:33

That seems fine at the ages they are. She is being a bit weird IMO.

My dd is 3 and does dance class saturday - 30 mins - and gymnastics monday - 1 hr (if she's in the mood for it!). We're thinking of taking her to swimming lessons this year, but only because we want her to be able to stay afloat if she ever fell into water rather than because we're pushing her to do more activities.

PavlovtheCat · 20/01/2014 09:34
mrsjay · 20/01/2014 09:36

it must be exhausting for parents to take their children out every night mine are older and did stuff but it was one or 2 a week some of their friends and their parents were very busy, I know the parents are wanting their children to do stuff but it is fine for them to be bored or hang out at home it really is

lljkk · 20/01/2014 09:56

Depends how they channel the boredom, MrsJ. Spending all their time conniving about how to wind up siblings is pretty tiresome day after day.

Mine couldn't have swam before 5yo, anyway, MrsOak. I don't think swim lessons have much value before about 5yo, so don't feel you need to rush.

Sparklymommy · 20/01/2014 09:58

I have four children. They all dance. Dd1 (11) dances everyday and has a singing Lesson on a Thursday.

Ds1 (7), ds2 (6) and dd2 (4) all dance Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.

We are lucky that they all appear to have the same love of performing arts. And I am a SAHM, and dh finishes work at 3pm so we can fit it all in.

Dd1 tried a lot of other activities, swimming, gymnastics, drama, ice skating, youth club... They have all gone by the wayside when they clashed with dancing. She also does study the cornet and ukelele in school.

Ds2 would like to do football and I am sure at some point we will have to fit tgat in but at the moment I must confess to putting him off because I don't fancy the muddy kit to wash!

LornaGoon · 20/01/2014 10:09

OP, your SIL sounds incredibly rude making pronouncements about which children you love more!

Regarding activities, as long as the child is having fun and learning it's all good but don't feel guilty for letting your children having some down time, and getting to know what boredom is. Children don't need a bulging CV of activities for before they reach secondary school. This extension of micro-managing children's lives doesn't prove how much you love them.

Sparklymommy · 20/01/2014 10:12

Yes, your SIL is incredibly rude. Your children are doing plenty. If that's what they want to do then that is up to you, not your SIL.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 20/01/2014 10:15

Your SIL seems to have a weird idea for why the youngest two aren't doing quite so much, saying you love your older step children more! It seems much more likely to me that they are just doing slightly more because they are slightly older, and that the youngest two will probably pick up one or two other interests over the coming years!
My DC had a bit of a peak of outside activity at end of primary, now they have some nights to concentrate more on homework (they are 12 and 14)
Let's see .... dd has flute lessons, ballet, karate, DofE volunteering at animal rescue place, and band, also occasional youth council meetings, and Quaker Meeting (once a month)
ds has trumpet lessons, karate, and band, with occasional after school sports events, and again Quaker Meeting at weekend.
They've both had a pretty fair mix of things I think - but sometimes you realise they can't do everything!

SkinnybitchWannabe · 20/01/2014 10:18

That sounds loads!
My eldest ds (14) plays rugby and goes to the gym twice a week.
Middle ds (11) plays football after school on thursdays.
Youngest (8) does nothing. All he's interested in is Lego.

zoezebraspartydress · 20/01/2014 10:21

That sounds like a lot to me! Mine only did one activity a week when they went to school, that was a deliberate choiuce becausde otherwise they'd have no time at home and not time just to play and be kids. I feel stronly that children need quite a bit of unstructured time to develop their imaginations, find their own interests and develop all kinds of thinking skills - they just don't get that if all their time is taken up with structured activities both inside and out of school, with all their time being managed for them.

zoezebraspartydress · 20/01/2014 10:23

my two do: Music (violin), swimming lesson and a sports class - but they're home educated. They also have a lot of play dates, meet ups at the park, and eldest is about to start scouts. I'd only do one activity if they were at school all day.