I'm just so fucking fed up and angry. Probably am BU but how patient am I supposed to fucking be after 3 years+!?!?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

There is a tonne of back story but to cut it short:

Fell pregnant young with DS & decided to keep him much to ex's horror
Gave ex the option of walking away (a hundred times) to which he declined. So he saw him about twice in the first year and a handful of times in the second year.

Once he turned 2 I said enough was enough and he could either start actually having him/spending alone time with him (instead of coming over and playing on his phone & watching me look after him) to which he agreed and he's had him for 1 night a fortnight most of this year.

But he is always whinging about how hard that one night is as he wakes up at half 5 (how does he think I bloody feel) & how much of a handful DS is in the day (well yes, he's a 3 year old boy, what do you expect)?

DS has a cold and as expected he's not sleeping great but he's pretty happy in himself so he went to his dad's last night and his dad has just posted on FB how tired he is & texted to ask if I can have him back earlier.

AIBU to think FOR THE SWEET LOVE OF GOD JUST STOP TELLING ME HOW HARD IT FUCKING IS. I FUCKING KNOW. I DO 90 FUCKING % OF IT AND ACTUALLY AM NOT THAT BLOODY BOTHERED BECAUSE HE'S MY SON AND IT'S WHAT YOU BLOODY DO WHEN YOU'RE A PARENT.

I bite my tongue all-the-jeffing-time to make sure their relationship doesn't suffer but I am sick of it. Sick to the back of my teeth.

AND he's moving 175 miles away next week because his mum decided to move and he wants to be with his 'family' so DS isn't family then

If he really CBA then why won't he just walk away. GAH.

I'm probabl being harsh but It's just been such a long, irritating thing

I think he intends to keep it up. He really seems to think it will be doable but he spends a tiny amount of time with DS in the car so has no idea what a long journey with a toddler is like (DS has a habbit of singing/shouting nursery rhymes when he's very bored and says he's hungry every 5 minutes on car journeys atm!)

I can feel myself getting DS's cold so have literally just been sat about enjoying doing nothing.

Not very productive & a bit cheeky but this last month has been stressfull with ex cancelling twice, then not coming to his party, then suddenly announcing they were moving next week rather than in the summer.

Thank you for all the replies. I thought I might get flamed!

This has been the most upsetting part of parenting overall. Not the clubfoot (poor DS, had to have loads of treatment as a newborn), or the sleepless nights or the absoloute lack of money. It's been this.

I would secretly be so glad if he just buggered off for good, before DS is old enough to remember

Well, today's the day.

190 miles away & not sure 'when he'll be ready' to see DS again (forgetting the fact I managed to make our place baby proof in 2 days when we moved in here and I was alone...).

So sad.