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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about "Co-Sleeping"

76 replies

mumtobealloveragain · 18/01/2014 23:20

I never co slept with my other children. They were bottle fed for various reasons. If get up, heat bottle, feed baby, out back into cot, get in my bed and go to sleep.

Our baby is 10 weeks old and breast fed and I've become an "accidental" co sleeper. We have a cot of course but she's not keen on sleeping in it.

She just sleeps so much better in bed next to me and I sleep better too. I don't usually set out to have her in bed, she goes to bed in her cot at first but when she wakes up for milk I usually end up feeding her lying down and often we both fall asleep.

It worries my DP and he's told me so, he thinks she should be in her cot and it's making me feel a bit guilty.

I say "accidental" but obviously I can obviously stop if I want/need to and just sit on a chair in the bedroom to feed her to stop me falling asleep with her. But... it's just so much easier for us both (me and her) and she's so much more content in with me at night. I wake up feeling like I've actually been to sleep which obviously makes me a much better (less tired less grouchy) mum to her and all the other children too.

I'd love to hear some other's opinions / knowledge about this...

AIBU to co sleep?

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 19/01/2014 12:15

It is much safer to intentionally breastfeed a child in bed and sleep with them (once all obvious risks have been minimised, obviously) than it is to be so tired you accidentally fall asleep whilst feeding them in a chair/on the sofa.

Co-sleeping and breastfeeding lying down saved my sanity with DD2.

bittenibbles · 19/01/2014 12:36

Absolutely love night time, cosleeping with my 15mo. Best bit of parenting! Grin

No comforter or soft toy or anything here either.

Don't get the sleep training thing.

FanFuckingTastic · 19/01/2014 12:44

I loved co-sleeping. I'll still happily share a bed with my eight and five year old on the odd occasion too, never really understood why people think it's a bad thing for kids to like sleeping in bed with mummy.

Anomaly · 19/01/2014 12:57

For those put off cosleeping because they think baby will stay forever, don't worry my eldest coslept until 14 months, youngest moved out at 9 months it wasn't difficult.

thepobblewhohasnotoes · 19/01/2014 13:54

We co-sleep. DP was worried about the safety too, and I went along with it at first with DS, but then we found that we just all got much more sleep with DS in the bed. DP got used to the idea, and with DD we co-sleep now.

Your DP is struggling IMO as babies in the cot is the cultural norm for us, so it must feel safer. But it's not the norm the world over.

Like a poster said above, the statistics about sleeping with your baby with the HVs base their advice on include people sharing sofas, on medication, smokers, etc etc. If you're following safer co-sleeping guidelines, that's a different thing completely IMO.

I also recommend this book, get a copy and give it to him to help explain why it's a god thing. Three in a Bed, the benefits of co-sleeping

Two of the best reasons to co-sleep is that as a family you'll all get more sleep, which is good your the health and well-being of each of you and should not be underestimated. It also will mean breastfeeding is easier, making it easier for you to feed for longer, which has added health benefits for both your baby and also for you too. List of health benefits here

notthegirlnextdoor · 19/01/2014 15:42

I co slept with my eldest 2. Youngest DD just wouldnt settle unless she could sprawl out in her cot. Do whats best for you and baby.

Original poster
mumtobealloveragain · 19/01/2014 16:21

Thanks all. I feel so much better about it now. The "accidental" co sleeping is still well thought out, so she's always in a baby sleeping bag and never on the pillow or near the duvet.

DP isn't being shitty about it, he's just a bit of a worrier and he's concerned. I think it's this "never have the baby in the bed" mentality that the "older" midwives and generations seem to have.

Rooner- That's terrifying! My dd has a anglecare movement/breathing may built into the baby monitor . She does sleep in the cot sometimes and one night it went off. I don't think I've ever jumped out of bed that quick in my life. She was fine, it didn't even wake her up so it was a false alarm but I was bloody shaking afterwards and it made me feel sick! So goodness knows how you must have felt when your baby actually stopped breathing. Thanks

OP posts:
pianodoodle · 19/01/2014 16:49

I'm a worrier too and haven't co-slept with first baby or the second who's ten days old.

It is tricky with breast feeding for the first few weeks but I bf DD for 18 months without co-sleeping so I'm happy enough with keeping them in the basket by the bed :)

I just don't think I'd be able to sleep happily without fretting if he was in the same bed.

I read the guideline saying that you shouldn't be extremely tired either so that seemed to rule us out - in fact I wondered how any new mother could avoid being extremely tired Grin

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 20/01/2014 13:03

Both of mine happily moved to their own beds when they were 2ish. I was thinking about this thread in the night as I put ds back in his cot, and it made me a bit sad to not be co-sleeping. Their baby days really are gone in a flash :(

yorkie11 · 20/01/2014 13:40

Accidentally co sleeper here too. Still cosleeping at 14 months.

yorkie11 · 20/01/2014 13:41

Still breastfeeding too.

MamTor · 20/01/2014 15:03

Dd (2.5) left my bed last night, totally on her terms. I guess when it's time, it's time.

I am bereft Sad. But she did sleep a good 12 hours Grin.

Enjoy it while it lasts Smile

SuffolkNWhat · 20/01/2014 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumpandkind · 20/01/2014 20:15

Congratulations on your arrival, I'm sorry your DH is fully on board with the co-sleeping. It really is safe, done safely and will benefit your baby in the long run. I decided pre-birth I would and it has worked well for us.

As they get bigger is does get easier and regular co- sleepers know that being in the family bed is still bedtime and tend to 'behave' till morning.

Enjoy seeing your favourite person right next to you every morning. One word of advice is to not get used to your DH being in a separate bed. He will be back and three in a bed takes some getting used too.

claryrocks. It's a fab book isn't it!?

PoppettyPing · 20/01/2014 21:06

I bloody love cosleeping with my 4 mo DD.
Best thing ever. I enjoy our little sleepy feeds in the night, they really are precious moments. I always feel well rested in the morning too. I have never understood the fuss about pushing babies to sleep alone.

Another one here recommending 3 in a Bed! Fascinating book.

MyDarlingClementine · 20/01/2014 21:11

www.mumsnet.com/reviews/nursery/cots-cribs-cotbeds/9963-arms-reach-universal-co-sleeper-bedside-cot

can you get this cot or one like it?

it gives the benefit of all worlds and no risks of co sleeping.

its been a life saver to me and a year on we are still using it.

ist been the best baby related kit I have ever brought and this is my second child. you can get on ebay etc

Joiningthegang · 20/01/2014 21:22

Another accidental co-sleeper with ds - he is now 6 and for the last time since I can remember, for the last 3 nights all 5 of us slept In our designated beds - whatever gets you through and all that.

Enjoy your lovely new baby x

Purplepoodle · 20/01/2014 21:23

Same happened to me, as never coslept with other children. We agreed oh would sleep in the spare room as he was very uncomfortable co sleeping and tbh so was I when he was in the bed. Now me and ds take up the middle of our king size lol

Zamboni · 20/01/2014 21:32

Same here Suffilk. DH co sleeps with DD, I co sleep with DS after his first wake up. When DS can go all night in his cot, DH will move back from co sleeping with DD but right now it's what works for us!

thepobblewhohasnotoes · 20/01/2014 23:55

I totally agree, 3 sided cots are great. They can be pretty expensive here though. On the advice of another mumsnetter (of course!) I got one from German Amazon, it was so much cheaper, and it's been a great cot. If you have a UK Amazon account it'll work on the German site, and if you use Google Chrome instead of Firefox/Internet Explorer, it'll translate the pages for you.

We got this 3 sided cot, which comes with mattress and bumper. We also got these two sheets which fit, and it all worked out just over £100 including delivery to the UK.

Lillily · 21/01/2014 07:28

Thepobble that is very interesting! The cot is a bargain, Is there any other good buys ?

annieorangutan · 21/01/2014 07:35

Absolutely love co sleeping and breastfeeding better high than drugs. Just makes me want to breed repeatedly.

bodygoingsouth · 21/01/2014 07:43

there is nothing more important than sleep with a new baby. do what you need to do.

thepobblewhohasnotoes · 22/01/2014 03:32

Lillily it's great isn't it. I agonised for weeks as I really wanted a 3 sided cot but just couldn't justify the expense of the UK ones. The answer was on mumsnet of course! Someone linked to that one for me.

I don't know about any other bargains, I'd imagine there must be more ...

KatAndKit · 22/01/2014 08:41

pobble that link is awesome you have saved me £200