AIBU about "Co-Sleeping"

[mumtobealloveragain]

I never co slept with my other children. They were bottle fed for various reasons. If get up, heat bottle, feed baby, out back into cot, get in my bed and go to sleep.

Our baby is 10 weeks old and breast fed and I've become an "accidental" co sleeper. We have a cot of course but she's not keen on sleeping in it.

She just sleeps so much better in bed next to me and I sleep better too. I don't usually set out to have her in bed, she goes to bed in her cot at first but when she wakes up for milk I usually end up feeding her lying down and often we both fall asleep.

It worries my DP and he's told me so, he thinks she should be in her cot and it's making me feel a bit guilty.

I say "accidental" but obviously I can obviously stop if I want/need to and just sit on a chair in the bedroom to feed her to stop me falling asleep with her. But... it's just so much easier for us both (me and her) and she's so much more content in with me at night. I wake up feeling like I've actually been to sleep which obviously makes me a much better (less tired less grouchy) mum to her and all the other children too.

I'd love to hear some other's opinions / knowledge about this...

AIBU to co sleep?

I would say you YANBU.

I breasted and co-slept with all 3 of mine. It wasn't a conscious plan and like you it just happened. And yes we both slept better. To me it felt natural and was part of a lot of instinctive parenting on my part which when I discovered the internet, discovered it was called AP and either loved or loathed depending on who was writing about it!

DH never worried either way, he took his lead from me. If he'd had a drink he wouldn't even get in the bed. Not that he is a huge drinker but I fed all 3 until they were about a year old. Obviously I wasn't drinking at the time .

*breastfed - must switch this bloody autocorrect off

I read as much as possible on co-sleeping and as we are low risk we do co sleep. However we do not smoke, we have both said we will not drink any alcohol, we use sheets (no duvet at all) and sleep in onsies! (I find a zip one is fab, unzip and feed, zip up if cold - never had a onsie before).

My husband was scared of co-sleeping initially, now he says he would hate for baby to be in a cot.

We didn't buy a cot at all and I doubt we will bother to buy one.

I co-slept with my dd too, but that was 14 years ago I am struggling to remember how she transferred to sleeping alone but she has definitely slept alone from approx age 1.

Weigh up the risks and read the studies.

The posters saying things like 'my DC is 1/2/3 and still in with us' really put me off co-sleeping!

How do you stop once the baby is used to being in with you all the time?

I'm due in a couple of days. I BF my youngest (15) and kept her in the mosses basket by the bed. Only once or twice did we fall asleep together during a feed, but that was more luck than judgement. Thankfully she just started going through in her mosses basket at about 7 weeks, so the problem never arose.

I can clearly see the advantage of not having to get in and out of bed to put baby back in her cot/basket, but i worry about that happening too often and ending up with a baby in bed with me every night because they wont go back in their own bed, even thought they don't need night feeds anymore.

It worked for me & my dd as she was breastfed whereas my ds wasn't for various reasons so very similar to your situation. I placed her in between us with her head facing the end of the bed & I rolled a bathsheet into a long sausage & placed it around her. A bit like a boundary marker so we knew where she was & unlikely to smother her as her head was facing the other way.

fluffy, it isn't a 'problem' for many people. As I said in my other post, our son stopped of his own accord at 13mths. 13mths out of my life is a very short period and I miss those days.

I actually got less sleep co-sleeping than not. Despite following the guidelines I never felt happy with mine in our bed as I was too worried about then and found that I would just end up lying there worrying and not sleeping.
You just have to do what is right for you though.

Dd slept through from 6 weeks old, I remember the hv telling us about co sleeping and I really didn't like the sound of it, didn't think of it as safe. Then we had ds, who doesn't sleep through, gets up numerous times in the night and wasn't too fond of napping either so decided to try it. Co sleeping seemed to settle him much better. He is also quite clingy compared to dd so I think sometimes he just wants me or Dh near. I think you have to do what you feel is right for you and your baby. Never mind everyone else. I've had the negative comments about it but ds won't be small for long and will grow out of it. I've really loved it.

I bf both my boys and like you accidentily ended up co sleeping with ds2. Ds2 is now 8mo and no longer feeds through the night but is often up once and needs settled.

As soon as he stopped feeding through the night I stopped cosleeping. Just sort of happened naturally.

Sounds like you are being sensible about it, go with your gut and stop when it suits you and your dc

I'm biased about this so my opinion may not be the best to read!

I've co slept with all my babies. I'm currently co sleeping with my 9 week old dd2. Both my other two children's transition from my bed to their own was easy with no crying. Dd at age 3 and DS at age 23m. I personally feel that co sleeping gives the child security knowing that their parents are there through the night in the first year/2 years of life. That security has stayed with my first 2. DS is 24m and I give him his milk in bed and leave and he sleeps through.

My dh and I don't drink, smoke, have healthy weight and we're not heavy sleepers either. As soon as I hear dd2 stirring and sucking her hands I feed her straightaway and she goes back to sleep. It's brilliant. Breastfeeding at night also releases hormones to help you sleep so it's a good idea to breastfeed laying down.

If you don't fall into any of the risk categories then its okay to do it. From experience it's not making a rod for your own back. Do what comes naturally to you.

I bloody love it for mostly the following reasons:

I get to sleep far better. I may not sleep deeper, but that means that when I wake, I am not 'sleep drunk' in the way I would be when I wake from a deep sleep (like when one of the older ones wakes me in the night).

I think this is perhaps nature's way of making our lives easier.? Just a theory as to why waking for the baby never really bothers me.

He never has to cry for me before I come to him. That means everyone sleeps better.

If he's lying awkwardly and wakes because of that, all it takes is a little shuffle or readjustment and he slips back to sleep again. In fact any minor hassle is easily and quickly sorted.

It's just so much easier for me.

The most dangerous place to sleep with your baby is on a sofa, deaths on sofas are counted as co sleeping deaths, and raise the perceived danger of all co sleeping.
Usually people end up on the sofa feeding in the night and accidentally fall asleep. It us much safer to bring the baby into a safe bed (where no adults have been drinking or smoking).
It is very hard to breastfeed if you don't co sleep , mothers manage for days or weeks but generally those who feed for over 6 m co sleep for at least some of the night.

Evidence shows that safe co sleeping is safer, and also mothers get more proper sleep. A mother with the baby next to he will go from deep sleep to fully awake then back to deep sleep in a matter of seconds if her baby stirs, whereas if the baby is even in a cot next to her bed, she will go through all the stages slowly returning to deep sleep, leaving her sleep deprived.

Getting the baby into their own bed or cot further down the line might be hard, but not as hard as when the baby a tiny and has a need to be with its mother.

The UNICEF bed sharing leaflet covers all the safety issues to address before co sleeping

Also he had sleep apnoeic eposides when he was small, and so when he stopped breathing, I woke, and helped him start again. If he had been in a cot away from me he may not have done.

Btw I don't have anyone else in the bed. Just me and the boy. I think if I had a partner too I'd probably use a co sleeping cot thing.

Lillily that's interesting about the sleep.

I knew there was something, but assumed it was just that we slept less deeply so there wasn't so far to travel iyswim

Rooners - it was research by helen ball, I have seen some if the video footage of mothers reactions, they really do wake fully for just a moment .

I have co slept and have never had any sleep deprivation feelings even with several small children ( I did feel tired and would have a kip in the day like in pregnancy) I feel it's making a rod for your back trying to get them to sleep in a cot when they need regular attention and lengthy feeds through the night.

Absolutely. This is the paradox of sleep 'training' isn't it. It's totally a rod for your back.

We used a sidecar cot which DH made from an Ikea cot with a removable side and some heavy duty cable ties. DS would not even consider his (beautiful) crib and screeched like a demon if he discovered he was in it. We had a nightly battle to feed him to sleep, make sure he was asleep, then ease him into the crib s-l-o-wly, then try to get 20 minutes sleep before the beast woke again.

At 5 months, after a night of 45 minutes sleep in total, I cracked up. The next day we went to Ikea. That night we had 8 hours sleep.

The sidecar gave me reassurance as I was terrified of co-sleeping. DS had his own space safely away from me but could feed when he needed to.

I would do it again if we have another.

Rooners, I have also heard about babies stopping breathing and mothers awaking to revive them - amazing!
Just wondering, there is a theory that children who are co-sleepers do not have comfort teddies/toys. Is this your experience? It is ours, but just wondering.

I've never ever been able to foist a comforter on any of my three

I bought them and I tried (same with dummies) but to no avail. sigh

Oh and fwiw - the first advice I was given by each and every HCP I spoke to regarding the sleep apnoea was 'You must stop co sleeping immediately!'

I think that would have been dangerous. Who knows - he may have had the ability to get himself out of an episode, he may not. It doesn't bear thinking about really if he hadn't - I had to pick him up, shake him, he still didn't wake till I blew in his face each time.

How scary for you.
Just shows we should sometimes trust our instincts.

Yanbu if you have read up on the safety guidelines.

I initially co-slept with a side car cot ... moved my DS I into his own room at 6 months .... struggled on exhausted for a couple of months and ended up with him back in the bed by 8 months and he is still here at 10 months.

I actually didn't like co-sleeping when he was smaller (he was only 5.3lbs when born) but now he is bigger it works really well for us. He sleeps better, I sleep better and I actually ended up feeding less through the night most of the time because he doesn't wake up as much. I now love having him in the bed and feel so much more human too.

My DM is really against it .... accused me of not putting DS first (because I had said how much better I felt and not outlined what I feel the benefits are for DS) and thinks he will be running riot and refusing to go to bed when he is a toddler. This is despite the fact that he goes to bed at 7 every night in his cot and sleeps there til I go to bed. Oh well!

When I had dd2 (now just turned 4) the latest UNICEF advice (got leaflet from HVs) was that co sleeping was actually just as safe as cot sleeping provided you aren't taking drugs or drinking (which presumably you aren't with tiny bf baby obviously!)

Dd1 we were given the usual oooh no duvets/pillows and all that advice and tried having her in a cot with side down beside bed, which also worked ok but she did end up sleeping in the bed sometimes- I don't know who has these babies you can move when they are asleep without waking them but I definitely didn't.

Rooners, the leaflet and references from it said that babies actually regulate breathing by the sound/rhythm of parental breathing too. Kind of like the kangaroo care thing for premature babies I think?

Thankyou...I had heard about similar research but didn't like to quote it at the GP as I was vague on where it came from.