To worry about DD1s planned gap year?

[GraduallyGoingInsane]

DD1 has always been adamant that she would take a gap year after she finished school. DH and I are happy for this to happen, both of us took years out (and it was far more unusual in our day, believe me!) She is young for her year so we hope she'll gain a bit more independence this way too.

She has done a reasonable amount of research and planning, and has got a decent plan in shape. I'm proud she has been so proactive, but I'm concerned she hasn't filled the year.

She proposes to do a ski season which will fill December - May. She then hopes to do summer camp in America from June - September, and will start uni then.

She will come on holiday with us in July after finishing school, then get her results (fingers crossed!!) and is planning a trip to Cornwall with pals for late August/September.

This leaves September, October and November empty, and I'm worried. All her friends are planning to go straight to uni, so will disappear in September/October and I am concerned she will feel lost and lonely.

DD1 is a very sociable, active girl, always has been. Her hobbies will largely come to an end - she does associate ballet classes but it wouldn't be fair to take someone's year long spot for a couple of months, and she competes at allstar cheer/tumble, but again wouldn't be able to take a place on the team knowing she will leave. That leaves her regular ballet classes and tumbling to keep her busy.

I have asked for a plan, and she proposes to get a job. She's already got some gymnastics coaching work but that will only fill after school hours. She is contemplating doing her lifeguard exams (with the added bonus that this will make her far more employable for summer camps).

Has anyone else's DC done a gap year with nothing 'up front' and watched friends go away? How was it? Any tips?

Leave her to sort out her own life for a few months . Trust her to do that.

Your daughter should be very careful about applying for a placement in an American summer camp. Make sure you go through all the terms and conditions very carefully before parting with any money. Avoid Camp Leaders at all costs. Some of these companies offer incentives for paying sums in advance without making it clear that these deposits are non refundable. Camp America seems to be more clear in explaining the costs. Camp Leaders are very keen to take young people's hard earned cash, but not so keen to help when things go wrong.

What Jessie said, more or less. What's wrong with a gap year that comprises
6 months chalet girl
3 months Camp America
3 months lying on the sofa, reading books, eating HobNobs and watching Jeremy Kyle with a bit of ironing and lawnmowing
Or do admissions tutors and future employers faint with horror at such notions?

I am not British so I really don't understand the whole gap year thing. It really is just a long holiday and I wish people would stop pretending that it is anything else...

Not necessarily, Notcontent. I had a gap year, back in the day. I worked and travelled. I got to university having experienced a lot and having learnt to stand on my own two feet away from home, deal with whatever cropped up and get used to looking after myself. That stood me in good stead.

My two dds have both had gap years. One worked in the UK for the whole year, one worked in the UK and also abroad. They both earned their own money. They got used to applying for jobs, juggling different jobs/work experience placements. They both did jobs which were related to their degrees, which meant that they went to university with experiences and knowledge which they could refer to during the academic learning. And they both learned to live away from home, run their own finances, and cope with problems. I think they have got more out of university - certainly in the first year - as a result of not going straight from one closed academic environment to another.

I wouldn't worry about her not having friends. All my friends went to uni and I took a gap year, worked selling ice creams at the local theatre and met a wonderful bunch of people, had a holiday job whenever I was back from uni, ended up marrying someone I met there and a group of us still go away together every Easter! It was actually a really useful foot in the door career wise too.

Just FYI (and bear in mind this is based on my experience from...ahem...several years ago) a lifeguarding qualification in this country may not qualify her to work as a lifeguard in the US. I had to take a special course including US first aid (minor differences in treatment but also important info on your legal position) and beach and open water lifeguarding to allow me to qualify to be a lifeguard for Camp America.

My nephew got caught drinking alcohol in his first week of Camp America and was put on the first flight home!

Let her find out what to do in the extra months herself. If she finds it sad when her friends leave, then maybe she will find something to go away and do earlier, or maybe she will just learn something about how it feels to be left behind. It is important to give her the independence to make her own decisions, and deal with them herself if things don't turn out as she wished.

She is nearly an adult and it is time to let go and let her work it out on her own. I know that that can be hard to do, but you want her to turn into an independent, well-functioning adult, right? She can't do that if her mum is managing her life for her.

If she's interested in languages, would au pairing in one of the countries whose languages she's hoping to study be an option/of any benefit?

Most of my friends who've done Camp America left it until the summer of their first or second year in uni, rather than doing it in between. They said the extra skills you get at uni help - for example, some of my friends are doing things as "skills" counselors in drama and dance, because we're doing an acting degree. Some of them even get more money for it.

Also, as someone trained in reviewing personal statements for university entry and when it comes to gap years, we encourage people to be brief and concise about what they did and what skills they gained - so finding something relevant is important, but making sure she fills every bit of her time isn't. The personal statement isn't a big essay about "what I did on my gap yah" - the admissions tutors will be interested to know what she did that was useful during that time, but if she spends 3 of the 12 months working in Topshop or eating hobnobs on the sofa, it won't harm her application as long as she's making good use of the other 9 months :)

Do Jo is right. A lifeguarding qualification is great for getting a part time job in the UK and also great for experience of working with the general public. For an American camp she would have to pay to do a US lifeguarding qualification, so this can add quite a bit to the costs involved.

Wow, some bitter, jealous people on this thread!

I did a 'gap' year in the middle of my degree when i was 19 - nothing like arriving in a big strange city with just a rucksack and having to find somewhere to live and work - i was bloody terrified but still proud that i managed to sort it all out and it would never phase me again (not that i am likely to do it again......old bugger)

Glad she's going for it - plenty of time to for responsiblities later