To worry about DD1s planned gap year?

[GraduallyGoingInsane]

DD1 has always been adamant that she would take a gap year after she finished school. DH and I are happy for this to happen, both of us took years out (and it was far more unusual in our day, believe me!) She is young for her year so we hope she'll gain a bit more independence this way too.

She has done a reasonable amount of research and planning, and has got a decent plan in shape. I'm proud she has been so proactive, but I'm concerned she hasn't filled the year.

She proposes to do a ski season which will fill December - May. She then hopes to do summer camp in America from June - September, and will start uni then.

She will come on holiday with us in July after finishing school, then get her results (fingers crossed!!) and is planning a trip to Cornwall with pals for late August/September.

This leaves September, October and November empty, and I'm worried. All her friends are planning to go straight to uni, so will disappear in September/October and I am concerned she will feel lost and lonely.

DD1 is a very sociable, active girl, always has been. Her hobbies will largely come to an end - she does associate ballet classes but it wouldn't be fair to take someone's year long spot for a couple of months, and she competes at allstar cheer/tumble, but again wouldn't be able to take a place on the team knowing she will leave. That leaves her regular ballet classes and tumbling to keep her busy.

I have asked for a plan, and she proposes to get a job. She's already got some gymnastics coaching work but that will only fill after school hours. She is contemplating doing her lifeguard exams (with the added bonus that this will make her far more employable for summer camps).

Has anyone else's DC done a gap year with nothing 'up front' and watched friends go away? How was it? Any tips?

I don't understand gap years either but where I grew up gap years meant you were unemployed different strokes and all that but I think they are a waste of time and money

It is interesting as a number of posters on the higher education section often say how they think it is a good idea to have a gap year. Students apply with their grades etc and that extra year gives them more maturity. Of course it depends what previous life experiences a DC has had but it did seem to be the general consensus.

Sorry that was meant to say posters who are academics and often university admissions tutors....

Bonsoir will you take DD?! I've not even covered my worries about her being my little baby girl away from home!

I will make the no more funding clear, but I would struggle honestly if she calls up with no money for food and probably relent and I think she knows that

We need to look into Camp America, she will be 18, turning 19 there so would be eligible certainly for some of the programmes. She knows she can't drink there and says she's not fussed. That is a good thing as far as I am concerned! Is it like England though where they will probably end up drinking underage? She's 17 now but I certainly think she's had a drink or two already!

Good to know that pool lifeguard work is a younger crowd, hopefully she can start after she finishes her A levels and make a few friends there to soften the blow when her friends go to uni.

I'm not too worried about what uni will think, hopefully she will have a place before she goes, and she's applying for languages anyway, so certainly the ski season could be parlayed into a language learning opportunity!

Yes can confirm that the crowd at ds leisure centre are young as well.Ds really enjoys it. They take on new COs in autumn term when the older ones go off to uni.

I think that being an au pair in a nice rich family in Paris/Rome is a fabulous way to spend a gap year.

She may get some ideas from looking on www.helpX.net or www.wwoof.net

Drinking under age in the States is considered much more serious than in the UK. If she's going to drink, it really shouldn't be in public and she mustn't try and buy alcohol.

Au pairing would be a fab opportunity but I don't think she's mature enough to deal with young children alone abroad yet, plus she has her heart set on skiing and has since the age of 11!

I will drill into her that any illegal activity, including drinking, could lead to serious consequences like losing jobs or deportation. She is generally sensible when it counts and thankfully is getting more so by the day. I doubt she'd be foolish enough to try to buy alcohol herself - she's not reached either 5 ft or 7 stone yet and still looks very young indeed, so unless the next 18 months age her drastically she wouldn't pass for 18, let alone 21! I'd worry she might drink if others brought it to a party, but not that she'd buy it herself tbh.

maybe she wants to...relax??

All my friends who did Camp America drank. I'm sure she'll be ok.

Sounds great to me. In Sep-nov she will do a bit of sport, lounge around, get a part time job and spend time visiting friends on freshers week etc. I very much doubt that she's be bored or lonely for any long periods. I'm jealous, I want this year!

My dd got a local shop/waitressing job, learnt to drive on the proceeds, had a holiday with her mates and put a couple of grand in the bank before she went to Cambridge. Your dd's planned gap year sounds much grander, but a few months in a local shop/factory/scrubbing hospital floors would be useful life experience.

She needs to work from when she finished A levels until skiing in December, she will meet others on gap years soon enough and keeping busy will pass the time. Things like bar work, shop work, sports instructor, lifeguard (but expensive course) etc all have lots of other gap year workers.
Both a ski season and camp america are usually highly supervised and organised. She will meet tons of others her age It isn't like she is off backpacking with little plans so nothing to worry about on that front.
Personally wouldn't be paying for any courses for her etc. she should be able to earn that money fairly easily but that it your choice totally.
Good luck to her, it sounds a lovely year and I really believe that younger DC benefit hugely from going to uni a year later with more maturity and independence under their belt.

Ok well sorry to rain on your parade, but what exactly do you thinkl she is going to gain from this year long jolly substantially bankrolled by mummy and daddy.What is this independence she going to gain from it ,that she wouldn't get from living at uni and doing a part time job in her spare time?
What subject is she studying at uni? A year gap im studying might cause difficulty in Some subjects

In America, there is no drinking legally until 21.

Good on her, travel is great especially if the jobs can fund it.

I wished I had done that. I went straight to uni, met dp at the end and had dd a year after graduation. Do it while you are young and free!

She could also consider uni exchange programs if she comes back with the travel bug!

She wouldn't be able to fund the ski course on her coaching wage for a very, very long time so we will pay for that.

There is a scheme at our local pool whereby they pay for the NPLQ in return for x amount of hours worked free, so in effect she will pay for that course herself through work.

She is hoping to do languages at uni - French which she already studies and depending on where she goes she will pick up Italian as a beginner. Her French may be used at ski school as she has ticked the option to teach both English and French children, but the resort is primarily German speaking.

Whilst this is a 'jolly' in part funded by us, surely the same could be said for uni?! I think we hope she will gain life skills such as managing away from us, learning to work with others, cooking and cleaning up after herself, managing finances, learning about a new culture and way of life, getting up for work when hungover etc etc.

This has been helpful though, I've had some good advice and we have lots to talk about. The life guarding sounds like a goer and it looks like she should get her skates on applying for summer camp sooner rather than later.

I think your DD needs to make a plan beyond university. Although everything she is planning to do will be a lot if fun it isn't going to make her very employable. Do you think she will be able to maintain her standard of living with qualifications in sports and languages?

So what if she's having a 'jolly' bankrolled by mum and dad?

It will be such a fun experience and will open her eyes to the world. She will learn loads. Not everyone has the opportunity to do this, grab it and run with it I say. It will be hard work, she will certainly learn to appreciate the value of money.

She has the rest of her life to be tied to work schedules, family commitments, financial responsibilities. If you can't go off and enjoy yourself when you are young and single, when can you?

Graduallyï¼?in the nicest possible wayï¼?it makes no sense for you on the one hand to be happy with her going off to America and Switzerland and on the other to be worried about your poor little baby feeling lost and lonely for 3 months while living with you and preparing for a trip of a lifetime! 3 months messing about at home will be bliss- she can watch telly, read books, mooch around the shops, take up knitting or something, and maybe just hang out with you and your DH and her siblings if you have other DC (I am presuming she is your PFB).
Having a few months of quiet time will give her lots of thinking space at a time when she is bound to still be developing her personality. Direct her to work her way through all the TED talks! And she won't feel too bad about her friends going to uni as she will know that's all ahead of her. She could also go to visit some of them, I'm sure.

I wouldn't recommend Italian by the way, unless she has a very passionate interest in Italy. Spanish is much more useful, or if the University allows it, Mandarin Chinese would be fascinating and very marketable. Having done French and Spanish at University myself, I would however recommend some time in France so sje can hit the ground running at University; she'd be better off there than in the US forgetting all her French and then starting the course with people fresh from their A levels. I au paired in France and was so glad that I had got in some proper immersion before starting my studies. However you are right to be cautious about her maturity to look after kids, as I was not great at that side of things and actually found it quite isolating. Maybe look at Quebec if she's set on N America?

Bonsoir, she probably can't support herself on languages and sport, but I don't want to push her into a career which she doesn't want. Long term she's talked about teaching languages in schools or translation work in court. Largely I think because those are known quantities - she's been in school for almost 14 years and both me and DH are lawyers. I want her to do something she loves until she knows for sure what she wants to do, and fluency in languages is never a bad thing.

JessieMcJessie, she is my PFB! I have 4 DDs so there will inevitably be sibling time, that's one reason I'm adamant that she come on the family holiday after A levels, it could be the last chance for the girls to be altogether on holiday must not cry

I'm worried as sitting and thinking really doesn't suit DD, she becomes very fretful and miserable if left to her own devices for too long. DD2 is a dreamer who would relish reading, thinking, drawing etc. DD1 will drive us all nuts. She's a hyper, sporty, never sit still sort who has combined 2 competitive sports, high levels of ballet, coaching work and schoolwork in addition to a busy social life for several years so my worry is that when it all suddenly stops she will be beside herself.

Can you tell my mantra has always been keep them busy to keep them out of trouble?!

And Jessie, interesting about Italian. I wanted her to consider French and German as that would tie in with the gap year a bit more, plus I speak it too. Perhaps Spanish would be more marketable though. Something to think about anyway, thank you!

most of my mates disappeared off to uni and I didn't. I still saw slightly younger friends and significantly older ones. I worked in succession of casual jobs and a couple of longer vocational entry level jobs . a year later I went to start my vocational training.
try not to micro manage her time. but if all she does is doss about the house maybe ask for house keeping money OR house work (all of it). That focused my mind quite well and pushed me to take casual work as I preferred kitchen portering to cleaning the family bathroom.

Gradually if she wants to be a Court translator in England then I'd suggest Romanian as her second language. Without going all Daily Mail, there are more likely to be Romanians up in Court than French or Italians and it's a romance language so not so difficult to learn if you have done French.

One of my fellow Spanish students spent her early career leading adventure holidays all round Latin America and now works in management for the company - that sounds like just the thing for your active and sociable daughter and would build on Camp America experience.