to be annoyed that dp arranged for mil to look after dd without consulting me?

[smuggler]

I'm working on Monday and dp is caring for our 19 month old. He had arranged to visit his mum with her, but then he got a doctors appointment for a very minor ailment he has. He arranged for mil to have dd while he goes to the appointment - it's 40 mins from his mum's house so he'll be gone for up to two hours. Firstly I object because mil has never looked after dd and dd isn't that used to her but mainly I'm annoyed because mil currently has a broken ankle so is in plaster and on crutches and her arthritis is bad meaning she has wrist supports and struggles to lift anything - particularly a toddler. Dd is into everything and I don't think it's fair or safe for mil to be asked to look after her.

Final objection obviously being that it's ridiculous to waste so much petrol on getting a babysitter for an appointment when I take dd along to any I have. Aibu to be annoyed he's arranged for mil to have dd on this occasion?

I guess it depends how well the child knows the MIL. If she hasn't seen her for 6 months she'll know her less than a childminder she has met several times in the last two weeks. Though of course the childminder won't have a deep and intimate knowledge of the child after a few settling in visits.

Also worth bearing in mind that nursery staff and childminders will be trained and have strategies to help children settle. MIL probably doesn't.

I do kind of get your point about it been a bit of a red herring that the DD doesn't know the MIL Billy but I DO think it is relevant that by the same token, the MIL won't know the GDD well either, therefore she would know if she's an easy DD, a screaming nightmare, or into everything, which is relevant

It's a couple of hours with someone who seems to have brought your husband up into someone, you wanted to have a child with.

I understand that you feel out of control, but unless you want to really hurt you dh's mil's feelings, you will need to approach this carefully.

Speak to your husband. "I feel uncomfortable to leave dd with mil for your appointment because of A,B and C. Have you discussed these problems with her? What will she do, if x happens....?

If he hasn't thought about it, ask him to call her and discuss it and then possibly come up with a plan b. You might also want to know his reasons for not taking dd ( My guess would have been something along the lines of: She will probably be bored at doc's and might act up. Would probably be nicer for her and for me to drop her off.) He isn't palming her off to go down the pub, he has a legitimate reason for organising child care.
If you find he actually has given the issue some thought, this is the issue and this how they are going to solve it, then trust his judgement.