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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this weird behaviour from a friend?

62 replies

beabea81 · 17/01/2014 00:54

There are 3 of us have been friends since our babies were born, one friend can be a bit bossy likes to control everything - since the kids started pre-school she's been talking to other mums swapping numbers and meeting up with them and she's v open about it, fine no problem, just her being her she likes to network & be a bit of a queen bee. She got friendly with this other mum from pre school in the summer and invited her along to things we did, only to then drop her saying she found her too quiet, but not before getting friendly with this lady's own friends and getting their numbers, inviting their kids to parties etc!

I arranged an evening out for the 3 of us to celebrate my birthday next weekend, suggested the date, pub, time and this friend asked if she could bring a new friend along who is also a mum from our kids pre-school, I don't know her as my dd doesn't go on this day that they chat together on, but I said yeah fine no problem bring her along.

Today I get copied in on a group text message from the bossy friend, saying she's booked a table at the pub, which I said I'd do as it's for my birthday, and that she hoped I didn't mind but she's also invited another 3 mums along that she's got to know from the days her kids go to pre school, that although I don't know them she's sure I'll like them! I have never heard of these ladies before, it was meant to be the 3 of us going out for an evening together for my birthday, not a networking event!? Am I being unreasonable to be peed off, I am clearly not the social butterfly she is, but is this not a bit weird behaviour? Dh says it is but to just get over it and not to say anything and go along with it otherwise I'll just look all stressy pants! Aibu to be a bit peed off by this friend? She's already talking about making new friends for when the kids start school in September and using this as an opportunity to socialize with them. On my birthday ; )

OP posts:
FreakinScaryCaaw · 17/01/2014 01:00

She's rude. I'd cancel and go out with the other friend tbh. Or just go out with dh?

SparkleSoiree · 17/01/2014 01:03

I WOULD be really irritated by this...

If a friend did that to me I would text back and say that I have no idea who the people are and that I want to celebrate my birthday with my friends - not rent a crowd, so she will have to uninvite them! Mind you, I would literally text that and my friends would accept it. I would also thank her for booking the table for me and that I will give her a shout if I need anymore things done in preparation for the evening.

It's one thing if it was a girlie get together, generally. I have taken someone new to those group things after checking it was ok but I really don't think it's on to just invite anyone to your birthday evening out and presenting it to you as a done deal.

Happy birthday for next weekend!

OldBagWantsNewBag · 17/01/2014 01:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amy106 · 17/01/2014 02:04

You are not being unreasonable. It is your birthday and of course you want to celebrate with your friends, not strangers. Can you just tell your friend this and offer to meet these new people on another evening? And have a very happy birthday! Thanks

WallyBantersJunkBox · 17/01/2014 02:09

YANBU - you want a birthday dinner, tell her to network on her own time.

Those evenings are awkward enough anyway - everyone on a long table trying to catch the tail end of a conversation.

Thants · 17/01/2014 02:30

Tell her you just want it to be the three of you for your birthday and don't want strangers there.
I'm confused why you call meeting mums of children at your school networking? Are they potential business contacts?

NatashaBee · 17/01/2014 02:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sykadelic15 · 17/01/2014 03:09

Thants networking isn't just about business contacts. It's about building contacts in general but not about building friendships.

A girl I know FB friends or gets the person number for just about everyone she meets (doesn't matter where she meets them either). She just likes having "contacts" so if people need something she can say "Oh I know X over at Y, i'll give them a call/msg for you"... she loves it when people tell her things like "you know so many people" because she loves being a social butterfly... much like the OP's friend it seems!

dannin · 17/01/2014 03:24

Rude! And no your not being unreasonable at all. I have two best friends and we struggle to find dates to have time with just the three if us without other friends or dp. When we do it's greAt! Say something to her about being unhappy.

JupiterGentlefly · 17/01/2014 03:28

YANBU and why are we all up at this hour? Or are you overseas?

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 17/01/2014 07:58

YANBU. Your birthday do what YOU want!

Onesiegoddess · 17/01/2014 08:07

I would probably text back and say you are happy to go but will arrange a quieter birthday celebration the following week.

Golferman · 17/01/2014 08:10

On the other hand think of all the pressies you will get :-D

gamerchick · 17/01/2014 08:18

Why can't you tell her that it's not the birthday you wanted... or tell her that night is no good for you now so you're rescheduling. She doesn't mind being inconsiderate after all.

ExcuseTypos · 17/01/2014 08:27

YANBU

She's very rude.

I also find it rather strange that the 3 people she's invited along, would want to come to someone's birthday meal when they don't know you.

I wonder if she's told them it's your birthday?

starfishmummy · 17/01/2014 08:29

Of course YANBU

Balaboosta · 17/01/2014 08:38

I'm bothered that your DH is advising you not to assert yourself. He is BU.

NotNewButNameChanged · 17/01/2014 08:39

Absolutely YANBU. And you must challenge it or it will continue. If she takes umbrage, then so be it.

I have a real problem with people who do this, who seem to think it is OK to invite other people to someone else's event/night out/lunch without asking the host. Sometimes it is just that they are very sociable people but at the end of the day it is the HOST's event and it's for them to invite who they want. Mind you, I go one stage further - I think it is rude for someone to even ask if they can invite other people. If the host wanted those other people there, they'd have invited them in the first place.

Kikithecat · 17/01/2014 08:40

I don't like the way she picked up and then dropped the 'too quiet' one either!

Nanny0gg · 17/01/2014 08:45

Cancel and go out with the 'normal' friend.

And drop the 'bossy' one.

MissMilbanke · 17/01/2014 08:54

I'm not sure why you are all so bothered about this.

Its just a meal out in a pub, you might actually enjoy it and make a new friend in the process.

I am seeing this from the other side, the uninvited women might be new to the area and need introducing to new people, your controlling friend might be doing them a favour.

I was helped by a lady like this when I moved to a new area, and I appreciated being asked to anything

NotNewButNameChanged · 17/01/2014 09:08

Miss it's someone's birthday meal in a pub. She wants to spend it with her two best friends. You really don't think it odd to invite someone the birthday girl has never met to her own quiet birthday meal???

RutaSkadi · 17/01/2014 09:16

Yanbu It's painted you into a corner as it will become awkward for you to say no.

OTOH... I had this, my big birthday became a mums' night out, lots of people I didn't know. It was great! I had lots of birthday wishes, we all got a bottle of champagne and there was lots of chatting.

She has been rude, but it might be a really good evening. Take a cake or something to remind everyone Wink

scarletforya · 17/01/2014 09:19

She sounds like a Wendy.

Catsize · 17/01/2014 09:19

Very strange. I would say to her to go out with her friends as arranged, but that you will go out for your birthday somewhere else and don't go to the bossy friend meal.

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