To find this weird behaviour from a friend?

[beabea81]

There are 3 of us have been friends since our babies were born, one friend can be a bit bossy likes to control everything - since the kids started pre-school she's been talking to other mums swapping numbers and meeting up with them and she's v open about it, fine no problem, just her being her she likes to network & be a bit of a queen bee. She got friendly with this other mum from pre school in the summer and invited her along to things we did, only to then drop her saying she found her too quiet, but not before getting friendly with this lady's own friends and getting their numbers, inviting their kids to parties etc!

I arranged an evening out for the 3 of us to celebrate my birthday next weekend, suggested the date, pub, time and this friend asked if she could bring a new friend along who is also a mum from our kids pre-school, I don't know her as my dd doesn't go on this day that they chat together on, but I said yeah fine no problem bring her along.

Today I get copied in on a group text message from the bossy friend, saying she's booked a table at the pub, which I said I'd do as it's for my birthday, and that she hoped I didn't mind but she's also invited another 3 mums along that she's got to know from the days her kids go to pre school, that although I don't know them she's sure I'll like them! I have never heard of these ladies before, it was meant to be the 3 of us going out for an evening together for my birthday, not a networking event!? Am I being unreasonable to be peed off, I am clearly not the social butterfly she is, but is this not a bit weird behaviour? Dh says it is but to just get over it and not to say anything and go along with it otherwise I'll just look all stressy pants! Aibu to be a bit peed off by this friend? She's already talking about making new friends for when the kids start school in September and using this as an opportunity to socialize with them. On my birthday ; )

There have been other threads about 'Wendys' but essentially a Wendy is someone who joins your group of friends, appears to be your friend but starts arranging for them all to meet up without you. They then start bitching and spreading rumours behind your back and before you know it Wendy is the queen bee of your group of friends and none of them are talking to you. If your Wendy is particularly spiteful then everytime you try to make a new friend, having given up on the old ones, she'll pop up and ruin it.

Not sure if the term Wendy is just a MN thing but a horribly large number of people recognised the behaviour or had been Wendied.

Now id be a bit unsure about this simply because should the others but you a drink? Pay for your meal? Buy a present? I'd feel a bit weird. I like the other posters suggestion, remove your birthday from it. Do something else as that boat has sailed away with this few friends....,

Kundry - thanks for explaining the Wendy thing - yes she is turning out to be a bit of a Wendy in that case! My dh calls her Bree from desperate housewives, she is actually a bit bonkers now I think about it!

Nope there would be no meal paying or drink buying for me as the birthday girl, so no issue there for the extra people invited by my friends - when we've been out like this before we all pay what we owe and the last 2 birthday years the bossy friend and I have swapped small gifts, candle or body cream etc, but the other friend is quite up front about being money conscious so we just do cards.

Peterandre - no 2 is the perfect reply and what I said in the end, though decided I don't really see any point in arranging another date for just the 3 of us, like another poster said I feel like that ship has sailed now, shame!

The quiet lady seems nice and she is pretty shy at first but I am now thinking the reason bossy friend dropped her was because she would view someone like this as boring and too quiet for her - that is not my opinion btw am just speculating why she did it and personally I think she seems v nice.

I'm going to go along and try to have fun, but seeing things in a bit of a different light now with my friends if they think this is normal behaviour, and will beware of Wendy from now on ; )

I'm going to go along to a couple of different toddler groups locally too and hopefully meet some other like minded mums who don't do these kind of weird things to friends!

It's a shame but I guess you just have to live and learn, I do have other mum friends but don't get to see them as often as they live further away or work full time. If only there was a kind of dating site for mums to make new friends in their area, "looking for nice normal non Wendy friends in wherever"!!

Yes she sounds like a Wendy, if you are not comfortable with it, just tell her you don't know them and you rather she does not bring them. If cancel and have an evening out with dh.

BeaBea. Sounds like a good reply. I think you are doing the right thing. Hope you have a good evening out and that Queen Bee gets food poisoning and that you have a great birthday.

I hate people who do this, and I think those who say YABU are the ones who do it!

A birthday is a special occasion and one that you should be able to spend with people of your own choosing! I find it a bit awkward when new people are just thrown into a group of very close friends, certain conversation topics become no-go's and you have to tread more carefully than you would otherwise.

Gosh, how rude! The night out itself sounds fun, but I personally find it really bad form to hijack your birthday night out.

I'd have been tempted to reply all saying:

'There seems to have been a bit of a mix up. I said I'd book for the three of us and given xxx had a bad experience at pub one last week (or some other twaddle) I've switched to pub two. Looking forward to catching up with you friend one and friend two! See you there at x time on x day.'

Then I'd have let nosy busy body friend deal with the fallout. You didn't organise/invite these people, you've stuck to what you said you'd do originally and no one can have a go at you as it's them in the wrong.

You're very gracious to accept being forced into a birthday celebration that's been steamrollered like this.

She has totally hijacked your birthday treat! I would reply all and say that as much as you'd like to meet the other ladies sometime, could that be another time because this was for a your birthday and you don't know them yet!

I know someone just like this, well a couple in fact. I see their smug self obsessed fizzhogs on pictures of practically any little school mummy gathering. I couldnt bring myself to be 'friends' with people like this

I would definitely advise distancing yourself from this 'friend'. She's a fucking steamrolling egotist and very rude - it's better just to back off from people like that. How dare she make your birthday party All About Her? It's outrageously bad manners.

You might well have an enjoyable night and make new friends, and don't forget to laugh at the bossy cow a bit (your text message sounds great) but for future events, keep her at arms length.

Thank you so much everyone, I do love MN'ers humour some of your replies have had be in stitches : )

I shall let you know how the Wendy's networking event, I mean my birthday goes! After that i shall be putting some distance between us for sure!