To be annoyed that PILs want us to go to a holiday destination just because I can 'speak' the local language?

[Vixxxen]

PIL are obsessed that this year we must all go on holiday to a country that is a reasonable famous holiday destination in the summer. All good a part that the only reason why they want to go there in the first place is because I can speak the language. I am a native of other country who has the same language however a very different accent and dialect. Depending on the region where they book the place it can be very difficult for me to understand the locals.

I am telling them that the language doesn't matter, every member of the staff in these places will speak English and they should focus on the best value for money instead of just the language.

There are many nicer places out there IMO but they are obsessed in going to this country just so I can speak with the locals in their language and get "better deals" whatever it is.

There are other countries that are much more interesting to me tbh but I wouldn't mind going there where PILs want to, but the language pressure is putting me off.

The fact they decided on it and won't open their mind is putting me off too.

MIL just sent me a ling on FB and I wrote up a reply but didn't hit the send button as I don't want to be rude, but I am basically explaining the same things I am saying here, yet again.

And yes we will pay our share, so I want to have some say on the country not only location but they are not listening.

And yes they have been to a few different countries before and never had problems with people NOT speaking English, so why this now?

I presume you're South American and we're talking Spain/Portugal? How about a compromise and they pick the country, you pick the destination? There are some GORGEOUS places in both. Can recommend if you want!

Disclaimer - have only read first page...

Unfortunately in the Algarve you either stay in the resort the whole time or you will need a car... public transport is bad... from Faro to my grandmother's there is a bus an hour...

Right. Read whole thread now .

What sort of holiday are you after? If it's a luxury laze about family resort style thing then Martinhal is BRILLIANT. Your ILs can be in their own house (and you could discretely ask Reception to put them in a different area) so you can have some space, and lots to keep everyone occupied.

There's a kids club so with a combination of that and ILs you could get some time off for the spa/walking (it's in a national park and is beautiful, the far south west tip, where all the explorers sailed from), riding, exploring local villages etc. MN discount too!

likepeasinapod.com/2013/05/27/martinhal-resort-sagres-portugal/

HOWEVER if I were you I'd exploit their language obsession and push for Mozambique. That would be utterly gorgeous and fascinating. Dhows, islands, seafood, heart melting beaches. Not to mention the birthplace of Nandos ;)

www.theguardian.com/travel/mozambique

that resort seems quite good. unfortunately i will never be able to stay there as if i went to portugal and didn't stay near family i would be slaughtered

tiny ah but only if they KNOW you're there ;)

with weekly video calls, they would end up finding out... and hard to keep my 2 year old chatterbox quiet, she would say we'd been in an aeroplane
:-)

What about Madeira?

It sounds as though the real issue is that it'd not a holiday if you're there to be their fixer, and that's something harder to dispute than any fancy-schmantzy explanation about languages, which they've made clear they're determined not to understand. DH could help here, by insisting that he wants you to have a holiday, too.

Why on earth are you going on holiday with your in-laws at all, never mind on a holiday that involves you being official interpreter. It's clear you don't like them. Are you crazy?

Vixxxen... just really wanted to add that I totally get where you are coming from with this.
I am also a speaker of a few other languages , but Spanish in particular gives me nothing but grief...
I am regularly dragged all over resorts by people to assist with purchases (from staff who often turn out to be English speakers ) and requested to meet them at destinations when they have traveled by taxi because I speak the lingo that will be a magic wand surefire way to make sure they don't get ripped off. !!!! (It would seem not to occur to them to agree a price before the commence the journey)
Put your foot down x

Jessie

I am going on holidays with my in-laws because we get on great and we do family stuff together all the time.
How is it clear I don't like them?
Is it the fact I don't want to spend my holiday as an interpreter?
That is exactly what I am trying to avoid

Have you got no comprehension of the thread at all?

I am sorry if your experience with your in-laws are so awful that you wouldn't contemplate a holiday with them.

Thanks for all the suggestions here, I will have a better look later.

Well you might get on with them, but they don't appear to be listening to you.

Might be time for seperate holidays!

Vixxen, that's an awfully defensive response. My comment was slightly tongue-in-cheek actually, as not getting on with the in-laws is a standard joke and MILs in particular come in for a lot of stick on Mumsnet. However you did say all of the following:

"I am not mad about going with them"

"The fact they decided on it and won't open their mind is putting me off too."

"Do they think I will be there on 24h call translating for them?"

"It is not like they want to go on a adventure....they want a villa and probably the place will be overflowing with British people anyway."

"I think they are just been shallow."

"I don't go out on holidays to take advantage of the locals."

"pressured into getting good deals and haggling"

To be fair, you did at one point say "I don't mind their company", but the rest of these statements sound as if you find them overbearing, hard to communicate with, materialistic and lacking in the values that you consider to be important. I am glad that on a basic level you do actually like them. However in that case it's surprising you can't just tell them straight that you will find translating stressful and don't think it will help much anyway.

Hope you eventually find a lovely place to visit that is stress-free for all. May I recommend that you suggest on South Africa and ask THEM to translate for YOU since the SA accent is a bit tricky for a non-native speaker of English...

So sorry jessie. I think IABU forum and PILs subject makes me defensive. Perhaps I didn't understand your post since I don't speak English as a mother tongue. Yes I get on well with them, well enough to go on holiday abroad with them, however I would love to go with only Dh and Dd. I am an introvert for starters and also IMO is harder to make decisions as a group. The larger the group, less independent I feel. But, I understand that dd is their only gc and my own family is far away, so going on a holiday together whilst everyone is healthy and alive should take priority. I have spoken to dh about my concerns and he reassured me I wont be taken advantage of ( for lack of better vocabulary), so I am fine accepting their choice.

YABU in even thinking for one moment for going on holiday with your inlaws! Don't get bounced into it, what a weird idea - who does that?

But YANBU in thinking they would only be going to a popular holiday destination because you speak Spanish/Portugues/whatever. And whats the big deal about not understanding the accent? I don't understand the accent particularly well when I go to Belgium and even less South Africa where there is a different language entirely, but its not a big enough deal to stop me actually going there!

My inlaws are even stranger about languages - they have owned a holiday home in France for 12 years and until recently spent approx. half their time there - yet they still give me French letters to read, based on my very limited school French being better than theirs - they make no attempt to learn it at all and now don't bother going, complaining that all the locals there speak French and their English is hard to understand!

If you don't want to holiday with them, then don't!

So what if you have their only grandchild?

Just because you have the only grandchild, that is no reason to go on holiday with them.

DP and I had the first grandchild in our family. We did not go on holiday with either mine or DP's parents. The grand parents had plenty of time with DD (and subsequent DCs), but I wanted holidays with DP and DD and luckily, so did DP.

TBH if it wasn't for Dd their life would be pretty empty right now

You don't have to give up all your free time to the grandparents, and this comment of yours makes me think that they see your DD as a toy to keep them entertained/occupied. That's not her job. And it isn't yours (or your DH's) to fill their void.

And what about the future? If it gets set in stone that you go away with the grandparents all the time, what about when your DD (and any future DCs) wants to do something different? Will you ignore her feelings in favour of the ILs?

No, no, I totally get what you mean OP.

I've been on trips where people expect you to be the interpreter and it can really be a drag.

Even the most well-meaning people can forget that they're putting you in the middle and putting pressure on you. For instance, you go to great pains to arrange a day trip and your co-travellers are like, "Are you sure they can't leave earlier? Ask them again!" Or if you're all in the market you're supposed to be the one getting them outrageous bargains--like they can't just point to what they want and hold up two or three fingers? And at the end of the day everyone is chilling out eating and you're translating menus and being sent to ask the waitstaff questions.

I think it can work if you just let people know that they have to make their own way sometimes. Tell them you're "off-duty". If they're reasonable they'll understand.

No language issue, but we have the only in-country grandchild, and we foolishly agreed to go on holiday with my DM. Actually, she came on our already booked cottage holiday. Never again. Next time, we have decided we will say we prefer to holiday with just us and we'll just keep saying that.