To be fucked off that my manager had emailed me that she hopes I learn to enjoy my children?

[Bananaketchup]

I am on mat leave, and had emailed her to sort out a keeping in touch day we'd agreed I'd do. I work in a very niche field and this particular small piece of work is even more niche. I am happy to do it and had agreed I would do a half day KIT day 4 times in the year I'm on leave, to do this. She agreed this, her manager agreed it, and we let clients know that's what would be happening. Only for her to email me today to say a (much more junior) colleague can do it fine, and she hopes I learn to enjoy my children while I'm off. WTF? Offering to work a half day, which we'd agreed I'd do, means I don't know how to enjoy my children? AIBU to be seriously pissed off? Not to mention a letter has gone out to clients saying I'd be doing it, and now someone they don't know is going to. I don't know how to start a reply, and probably shouldn't until I've cooled off a bit, but seriously.

Save mentioning the phrase for another email. When you get the reply about the work you can gauge her tone and know if she is trying to be helpful or trying to be difficult.

In any case it's never a good idea to combine two issues as it allows the other person to skip lightly over one and concentrate on the other.

Sounds to me like someone's after your job.

'I hope you learn to enjoy your children and this time with them'

I can't help thinking that it's just badly worded, and the meaning was:

"I hope you enjoy your children and your time with them."

Your colleague's suggestion rings true and I've come across similar before. Your manager has probably told your maternity cover a bunch of things which aren't quite accurate about how things are done and the standards expected and doesn't want to be shown up. She'd probably like to do the same when you come back from leave (if you don't have a handover) telling you how much better / differently the cover did your job and you should change x, y and z.

Bet she forgot about the KIT days...

It took me months before I genuinely enjoyed being with my first baby. Sad but true - I found the early months bewildering.

Does she have children? Might she have a similar experience? Or if she has no children, might she also find babies completely bewildering?

I really wouldn't make an issue out of that part of things. Just say you want to do the KIT days and will be in on such-and-such a date as arranged.

I agree you should hold off on the offended stuff until you've sent and got a reply about the Kit days.

Gauging the situation by her response to that mail may help you work out what's the best thing to do.

If you are usually very conscientious, I'd take her comment along the lines of "just relax" "don't worry about work while you are away". As much as many mums loves their kids, some of us have a hard time not worrying while on leave and relaxing enough to enjoy it.

I think she's given you an out. But politely decline, state that clients are expecting you and take it from there....

I think they didn't necessarily realise what they were saying. My manager said to me that on mat leave mark 2, that perhaps I might even enjoy being off and spending time at home with my children!!! I was pretty mortified, but knowing them & working with them for soo long (we usually have a pretty good working relationship) I pretty much put him right back in his place for stupid comment saying that actually I do enjoy DC, but unfortunately have to work due to finances. Luckily for his DW they can afford for her to be off. Think he realised very quickly how stupid his comment was.