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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have wanted him to stay home?

38 replies

Sparklymommy · 16/01/2014 19:58

Dh has just gone out to darts. He plays in a league.

However tonight he knows I am poorly. I have a kidney infection that is causing me a lot of pain and discomfort and I just want someone to look after me for a few hours.

Instead he's gone out to the pub, after spending all the time he was home sorting the kids out so I've barely even seen him. And the kids are still playing up.

He knows I feel crap. Is it unreasonable to have wanted him to stay with me?

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 16/01/2014 20:01

Would he let his darts team down?

I think if he spent his time at home sorting the kids out so you can rest before he went, it's fair enough.

rubyslippers · 16/01/2014 20:02

it is not unreasonable but if he has settled the kids and you are dosed up and resting, then it is ok IMO

is he close by in case you need him?

dreamingbohemian · 16/01/2014 20:02

A lot of people will tell you to be a big girl and suck it up. But when you're in a lot of pain (and I understand kidney infections are really painful) then it's not unreasonable to want some looking after, and I think he definitely should have waited until the kids were completely settled before going.

I know if my DH was in a lot of pain I wouldn't go unless he was happy about it, not for a hobby.

MomsStiffler · 16/01/2014 20:02

What exactly would he be doing if he was at home with you?

JeanSeberg · 16/01/2014 20:03

Sounds reasonable that he sorted the kids out before he left. What practical help do you need? Surely he'll only be a few hours?

redskyatnight · 16/01/2014 20:03

Hmm, would his team have got another player at short notice?

I think you are (understandably) being a bit U. Sounds like he was being useful at home when he was there (so that you could rest?)
I'd tell the DC to go to bed and ignore them.

Helpyourself · 16/01/2014 20:04

Did you ask him to stay?

Original poster
Sparklymommy · 16/01/2014 20:04

No they have more than enough players.

Trouble is he hasn't sorted them out. They are still messing about and whinging at me.

Last time I was this poorly I ended up in a and e, passing out with painful kidney stones. I'm now alone with four kids in agony.

OP posts:
SuperStrength · 16/01/2014 20:09

Kidney infections are horrendous. Phone him & tell him to come back pronto.
Who cares about a bloomin darts match!

rubyslippers · 16/01/2014 20:10

how old are the kids?

are you dosed up on your painkillers?

bribe/whatever with your kids and get them to bed and you need to follow

if you are feeling worse, then call your DH back

dreamingbohemian · 16/01/2014 20:10

What would happen if you called him and asked him to come home?

I don't think it's fair to leave your spouse in pain and wrangling four kids, unless it's something quite important.

JeanSeberg · 16/01/2014 20:12

You've changed from your original comment then:

after spending all the time he was home sorting the kids out

And dropped in some more info.

Did you outright ask him not to go?

Original poster
Sparklymommy · 16/01/2014 20:12

I'm in bed with the 6 year old. 7 year old, 4 year old and 11 year old are all reading in there beds now.

Just want to cry. I haven't felt this ill in years and dh KNOWS how bad I am. Inconsiderate sod. He said he'd ring at 8. He didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklymommy · 16/01/2014 20:14

He spent all his time at home trying to get them to sleep. Trouble is it didn't work. He only did half a flipping job.

OP posts:
Helpyourself · 16/01/2014 20:16

Oh for goodness sake, take some responsibility for your own health and feelings. Call or text him, text is probably best as you won't minimise it. Text him 'come back I'm feeling very ill.'

Original poster
Sparklymommy · 16/01/2014 20:17

He's normally great. Trouble is my being poorly is interfering with his pub night.

I am being unreasonable. I guess. I just want someone to comfort me.

OP posts:
PorkPieandPickle · 16/01/2014 20:20

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well. If you feel really bad then just tell him you need him to come home!!

BettyBoo246 · 16/01/2014 20:31

Aww I must say some posters are abit harsh
YANBU
Women are never allowed to be I'll or indeed have time, but it's a different story when a man gets a stuffy nose and declares man flu!
We all need abit of tlc when were under the weather, and it's not just a cold people she has!
I would call him tell him he has GOT TO come back, your feeling worse and the kids are still up and you need him
I'm sure OP you have done your fair share over the years for him!

BettyBoo246 · 16/01/2014 20:32

*Not I'll mean ill

dreamingbohemian · 16/01/2014 20:36

OP a lot of us are saying YANBU!

Don't be a martyr, tell him to come back. Surely he can have a pub night again in the near future, it's hardly a tragedy to come back early.

I'm always surprised when people say, but what would he actually do for you -- he could bring tea and painkillers, distract you with jokes, give you a hug when you want to cry. It's not really too much to ask within a loving relationship.

SilverSixpence · 16/01/2014 20:38

You are being a bit U if kids are in bed reading, the 6 yo is old enough to drop off to sleep soon. It would be different if they were tiny and still awake. He did his best to get them to sleep. Just try and get some rest/distract yourself and he'll be back before you know it

NewtRipley · 16/01/2014 20:39

I think - the hell with being a martyr, or being too "tough" to ask your life partner to care for you when you are ill. If you would do the same for him them of course YANBU. It's what marriage is for. IMO

curiousuze · 16/01/2014 20:42

YANBU, you don't feel well and want a cuddle and possibly tea and toast. That's what DH's are made for! Text him!

ImperialBlether · 16/01/2014 21:17

God, some people don't expect much from their partners, do they?

Phone him up, OP, for god's sake, and tell him to get himself home. He was really unfair to go out, leaving you so unwell.

Joysmum · 16/01/2014 21:58

Did you ask him not to go? Personally, I don't want anyone near me when I'm not well and do it would make no difference to me if hubby went out. He'd be on the end of a phone if I needed him.