To have wanted him to stay home?

[Sparklymommy]

Dh has just gone out to darts. He plays in a league.

However tonight he knows I am poorly. I have a kidney infection that is causing me a lot of pain and discomfort and I just want someone to look after me for a few hours.

Instead he's gone out to the pub, after spending all the time he was home sorting the kids out so I've barely even seen him. And the kids are still playing up.

He knows I feel crap. Is it unreasonable to have wanted him to stay with me?

I think she wants him there to sort out the children, Joysmum.

Thanks everyone. Didn't come back last night cos I fell asleep trying to settle the 6yo. Had to smile at the poster who said he was old enough to settle himself. Obviously you don't know him but the chance of that is pretty slim! dHs fault (in part) because he has always sat with him til he sleeps, because he has some issues!

Normally, no I don't mind dh going to darts but I was (And still am) feeling awful. I had struggled through the day while he was at work. I'd fed the kids after school. I'd even played bloody UNO with them. I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me they cared.

I have told him how upset I am that he still went knowing how ill I felt. He is very apologetic this morning, I'll get over it but it hurts that when I'm poorly no one cares and when he's poorly I'd do anything for him. Not major in the grand scheme of things but I am hurt.

Well if I'm ill I usually just want to be left to sleep-but then it's handy to have someone about to fetch & carry for me also!

But I think he should have stayed to look after the kids tbh-if they are known for not settling.

Sounds as if you did too much & he thought you could cope.

When I had a migraine when the kids were little, I used to go straight to bed when husband got in & stay there-with instructions for no disturbances.

You've said that he's usually great and he's apologised, presumably because he realises that he made an error in judgment by going out last night.

Is there another issue here? When you're well, do you get a night out once a week to pursue your interest?

I don't go out one night a week but then I don't really want to tbf. I was just grumpy at being left.

You still didn't answer the question, did you ask him not to go? If you did and he still went then you have a problem. If you didn't and expected him to stay without you asking then you have a problem. Hubby and I have a rule, we don't do implied instructions and don't drop hunts as there is too much room for misunderstanding.

If you didn't tell him you felt too ill for him to go then make a pact for the sake of you marriage to give clear instructions and quit the hinting. My hubby is a good man but a complete fuckwit when it comes to picking up on hints.

O told him, quite plainly, that I didn't want him to go. He made the decision to go anyway. In the grand scheme of things it's not huge. He knows it upset me, but in all fairness, he thought I would probably go to bed and go straight to sleep. By the time he came home I was asleep.

I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me they cared.

To be fair, Darts does sound like more fun.....

I think if you flat out asked him not to go, and he knew you were really ill, and that the four kids were not settled... and he still went .... then that is really really shit. I would be so angry.

Fine he apologised but big deal, a few little words are nothing when he got a fun night out at your expense. Has he said it won't happen again?

It's the little kindnesses that keep a marriage going in the long run.

I hope you feel better soon OP.

Thank you. I am functioning a little better today. I just felt so crap yesterday. I expect to be spoilt rotten tonight, and have his undivided attention! Ha!

I hope you get it! It's the least he can do really.

Hubby and I have a rule, we don't do implied instructions and don't drop hints as there is too much room for misunderstanding.

^This. Very early in our marriage, I was told I was expected to "just know" that a previously agreed night out was off, because she had a shift come up and why should I have fun when she couldn't go out with her mob?

There was a bit of a kerfuffle, at the end of which it was agreed there were to be no more guessing games, ever. 24 years later, it's still working.

It's easy to apologise after the event. He still had his night out and you weren't left to rest.

You explicitly asked him and he went anyway with the children still up and about.

Tonight would be much too late for amends for me.