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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children not allowed to use the toilet in school

82 replies

JanetAndRoy · 16/01/2014 18:54

My DSs are 8 and 5. Both came home from school today with soiled pants.
Apparently the boys are only allowed to use the toilets at lunch and break times because someone has been blocking the toilets and flooding them.
Also all the boys had to miss playtime earlier in the week because no one would admit to flooding the loos.

I am so angry that my children had to sit in pooey pants almost all afternoon. DS1 told his teacher he was desperate, but teacher still refused to let him go. Also annoyed that half the school are being punished for one boy's behaviour. (The girls are not restricted BTW)

AIBU to send a sharply worded email to the Head?

Also might CC in the SENCO as DS2 is being seen by the encopresis clinic.

OP posts:
Original poster
JanetAndRoy · 16/01/2014 19:16

DS1 said he didn't need to go doing the lunch break, but "felt it" (the need to go) early in the afternoon. They don't have an afternoon break in KS2, so he was unable to go to the loo between 1pm - 3.15pm.

OP posts:
VenusDeWillendorf · 16/01/2014 19:17

I'd phone the ht and see what the situation is with the plumbing. And then have a few words when I'd heard what s/he has to say.

I hate the idea of a designated time for the loo, as the queues are very long if everyone wants to go in those 10 minutes, and surely a break is a chance to relax, and run around, not stand in line for a stall.

So sorry for your little chaps OP.

ProfondoRosso · 16/01/2014 19:17

Poor wee guys.

People need the toilet at different times, and it's especially hard for children to 'regulate' themselves. I'll never forget not being allowed to use the toilet during class time when I was 9. The teacher made such a fuss about me asking (in front of the whole class) that I just needed it more, because I was so anxious. That went on for ages and she kept threatening to phone my mum to tell her how much fuss I was making. It was humiliating.

Human fucking rights.

ReluctantBeing · 16/01/2014 19:19

That's awful. Please approach the school ASAP.

But to the poster who said you can't expect adults to inly go at certain times - teachers do! (This has nothing to do with the kids;I am in no way suggesting kids should wait.)

ReluctantBeing · 16/01/2014 19:20

Inly? I don't even know what that is. Only.

monkeysox · 16/01/2014 19:20

You don't always want to poop with an audience either. Poor kids

Hulababy · 16/01/2014 19:23

I would definitely speak to the school.

I work in an infant school and we do discourage our oldest children, so y2, using the toilets in clas time. We remind them and encourage them to use the toilet at the start of the day and at playtime and lunch time. We definietly try to avoid children using the time during carpet learning time, for obvious reasons - so first 10/15 minutes and last 10/15 minutes. It is also discouraged during assemblies. However, if a child really can't wait - we do ask them if they really can't wait 5 minutes for example - we will obviously allow them to go. You can generally tell, ime, if they really need to go.

So, whilst I see no issue with discouraging toilet visits in classtime I don't think it is right to stop a child who really can't wait from going.

BTW - who was it who said adults don't have to wait? Well, actually, teaching staff do have to wait generally - we can't leave a class of children alone so we can nip to the toilet. We also have to make use of break times.

By juniors I would expect most children, unless they have a medical reason could wait a little while on the whole - how do they cope when out and about, or travlling in a car/bus, etc otherwise?

Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2014 19:24

There must be loads of jobs which mean you can't go to the loo when you want.

Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2014 19:24

But we are talking about children at school.

Hulababy · 16/01/2014 19:26

Sparklingbrook - I agree. It won't just be teaching where a toilet isn't easily accessible all the time.

Bet surgeons can't just nip out of theatre. Actors on stage, police n the beat, the armed services, window cleaner out and about, delivery people.....

Sparklingbrook · 16/01/2014 19:29

Can you imagine loading all your shopping on the supermarket conveyor and the cashier nipping off for a poo Hula. Grin

Oh and delivery people aren't allowed. especially in Mnetter's houses. Sad

Children though, I believe they should be able to go to the loo if they need to.

notso · 16/01/2014 19:32

I don't see why an 8 year can't wait to use the toilet at break or lunch. Or the 5 year old.
I do think 8 yos should be able to hang on until breaktime
Only break times fair enough I think, to be honest

OP's DC couldn't hold on though, so it wasn't fair enough. A teacher should be able to tell the difference between a child who wants a skive and a child who needs the toilet.

CrohnicallySick · 16/01/2014 19:33

I work in a school and (medical conditions aside) we would expect a junior to be able to hold on till break time. Ours don't have an afternoon break either, but they do have a designated 'toilet time'- usually at the changeover between lessons in the afternoon (it's unusual for them to spend the whole 2 hr 15 mins on the same lesson).

As for the 5 year old, we would usually ask them to wait till the next appropriate time, so that they don't disrupt the class too much. By appropriate time, I mean if the teacher is talking they wait till they have finished. If it's assembly, they wait till it's over. That sort of thing, no more than a 10-15 minute wait.

But generally, we have a 2 ask rule and use our discretion. If a child has asked to go to the toilet but is denied, goes back to their work but then asks again we assume that they really are desperate and will let them go regardless. This weeds out most of the children who just want to mess around, as once involved in something they forget about it. A child who really does need to go can't forget about it. Obviously, we don't let on to the children that if they ask twice they can go! But something for OP to consider telling her children maybe? That if their teacher asks them to wait but they really can't, it's OK to ask again.

If behaviour in the toilets has been a problem, we keep logs of which children go to the toilets and when. If there is a member of staff free then we might ask them to supervise (standing outside the door in view of the sinks or in earshot). So there are ways of dealing with it without banning all children from going.

Tabby1963 · 16/01/2014 19:34

It is usually boys who flood and vandalise toilets in my experience working at a school. Never heard of girls doing damage to toilets.

We have a book system at school; each class has a book/pencil by the door. All children fill in their name and time when they leave the class to go, and fill in the return time when they come back to class. This means that (a) teacher can monitor children who seem to go to the loo a lot and (b) if there is a vandalism incident the books can be checked to see who was out of the class at the relevant times. Sad that we have to do that Sad.

We do not ban children from attending the toilet.

ShadowFall · 16/01/2014 19:34

YANBU.

If a child really needs to go to the toilet in class time, they should be allowed to go.

storynanny · 16/01/2014 19:34

Hi old teacher here. Disgraceful and unreasonable, you must officially complain. If the reply is not good enough complain to the local authority.
Can i also suggest you write a separate letter to all concerned stating that your children are to be allowed to use the toilet at any time
I do try to ask them to hang on for a couple of minutes if its input time whole class but always let them go if they cant wait.

randomAXEofkindness · 16/01/2014 19:36

Your poor boys Sad

How can you trust those teachers to care for your children now?

What have adults who choose to occupy themselves for long periods without a loo break have to do with 5 and 8 year old's being refused the toilet?

TheGreatHunt · 16/01/2014 19:40

It's irrelevant saying that adults have to wait for the loo.

The OP's children ended up with soiled pants. That is relevant and indicates that the school got it wrong.

I would find out what has happened then complain if necessary.

treaclesoda · 16/01/2014 19:43

that does sound terrible if your son has come home having soiled himself.

Having said that, when I was at primary school, (er, nearly 30 years ago) we were only allowed to use the toilet during break and lunch and it never seemed to cause any problems. I just thought that was the norm in school.

notso · 16/01/2014 19:46

I can remember feeling unwell and being told I wasn't allowed to go to the toilet in school once in Infants and once in Secondary. Both times I was sick all over the teacher.

Devonsmile · 16/01/2014 19:47

www.bog-standard.org

I always wonder what these adults that do these vile things to children would feel if they had to do the same,

www.bog-standard.org/charter.aspx

Make sure the head had a copy of bog standard charter and all the information available from the site.

MrsOakenshield · 16/01/2014 19:50

well, if someone told me that I couldn't poo when I needed to, I would end up with constipation and possibly time of work (because when I'm waiting for a laxative to work I want to be near my own toilet!) - sounds a pretty stupid idea, doesn't it?

People saying that's how it was in their day and it never caused any problems - how do you know? I wonder how many children ended up as adults with bowel problems because of stupid rules like this.

treaclesoda · 16/01/2014 19:52

I'm actually telling a big fat lie when I said it didn't cause problems when I was at school. It did. For me. I wet myself at the age of 9 when I was refused permission to use the toilet. It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life and I was mocked by other pupils for months afterwards Blush I can't believe I forgot that when I posted earlier.

OP complain to the school, that's awful for your boys.

treaclesoda · 16/01/2014 19:54

In my defence though I said it didn't seem to cause problems, not that it definitely didn't Sad

wombat31 · 16/01/2014 20:06

I think KS1 should be allowed to go but it should be monitored by lists to ensure you know who has been and when. I think they should be able to regulate themselves by KS2. They have had about 5 years of training come y3. If they can hang on 10 mins at 3 years old then you would expect them to progress to holding it longer as they get older. I'm a teacher who didn't have time to go to the toilet on Tuesday because the children or my senior would not let me out of a lesson but did not make a fuss. I was unable to go at lunchtime either because the children made me work all dinner because we are short staffed. I was not allowed to go after school because a parent would not let me. I held my wee from 6.00am until almost 5pm!